In case you've wondered what it's like to be an author with a new book release

I occasionally lament how exhausting book release weeks can be, and it’s true there’s a lot of busywork like writing guest blog posts and doing giveaways.

But sometimes I find myself in the days following a new book release going, “Why in the ever-loving hell am I so drained? I’m not doing THAT much, am I?”

So I decided to tally up some of the things I allow to consume me in the days surrounding the release of a new book (in part so you guys can tell me to knock it the @#$% off):

Did I mention I have a new book for sale?

• Wake up at 3 a.m. on release day and immediately check to see if any reviews have gone live.
• Read first positive review. Swoon.
• Read first negative review. Swallow hard. Try not to cry.
• Repeat process every 30 minutes throughout the day.
• Check Amazon ranking every 20 minutes, even though it’s updated hourly. If rank has moved in a positive direction, rejoice. If rank has moved in a negative direction, feel certain my writing career is over and I’ll never sell another book.
• Read more reviews. Listen to my mother, husband, and agent tell me to stop reading them. Covertly sneak looks at more reviews the way some people might sneak glimpses of online porn.
• Send frantic emails to editors, agent, publicity team, and critique partners about whether there’s anything I/we can do to generate more sales or reviews.
• Instantly regret 90% of aforementioned emails for making me sound desperate/needy/neurotic.
• Realize I’m posting too much on Facebook and Twitter about my new release. Post something about dropping food down my shirt, blurting unintentional sexual innuendo at a colleague, running into a door, or dipping the hem of my dress in a toilet. Feel fortunate that one of these things happens to me every single day.
• Tell myself not to read reviews.
• Read reviews anyway.
• Give myself a profanity-laden pep talk before pouring every ounce of energy into day job project, new book writing, or family time. Succeed for a little while.
• Check Amazon ranking again. Panic.
• Repeat process every day for a week.
• Wonder why I collapse into an exhausted, jittery, emotionally-drained heap by the end of the week.
• Repeat entire process again when the next book comes out in a few months.

I should probably start saving funds for my inevitable stay in an asylum. In that case, perhaps you'd be willing to purchase (and review!) my new book?! 

I hear mental health services are expensive.