Tuesday, November 8, 2011

If you see me without pants, I'm procrastinating

I recently told a friend I don't like to wear pants.

I meant I have a strong preference for skirts, as opposed to implying I like to browse the hardware store wearing nothing but a thong and snow boots.

"My husband has the same issue," my friend replied. For a moment I was still hung up on the thong and snow boots, and I may have thrown up a little in my mouth.

"Actually," she continued, "he's learned to use pants as an excuse not to do things he doesn't want to do."

Intrigued, I asked her to elaborate.

"Like if I ask him to take out the trash, he'll run and take off his pants," she explained. "Then he tells me he can't possibly take out the trash because he's not wearing pants."

I can't argue with that.

I also have to confess, I find the strategy brilliant. How can I use it to my advantage?

It probably won't get me out of undesirable author tasks. I write romance, so my editor probably assumes I do most of my work without pants.

I'm also not sure it will work for speaking engagements and book signing events. An announcement that the author isn't wearing pants would likely prompt event organizers to breathe a sigh of relief. "Thank God, at least this won't be as boring as we expected."

So I guess I'll have to look for other reasons not to wear pants. Like the fact that it's Tuesday.

What's the best excuse you've ever heard for not doing something? Can you top the no-pants plan? Please share!

I'll be getting dressed for the day job. Or undressed, as the case may be.


German Chocolate Betty said...

Who needs an excuse????


Laina said...

I baby-sit a little girl about 50 hours a month and once in a while, her younger cousin. Neither of them like clothes. They'd both rather just be naked XD

Anyways, excuses... well, I work with kids. I've heard everything.

Sarah W said...

Yesterday morning, I told a righteously indignant 8-year old that the reason I hadn't hemmed her new jeans was that I'd been doing her laundry and by the time I had everything folded, I was too tired to thread a needle.

Didn't tell her that I'd been playing Plants vs. Zombies during the spin cycle before opening Word -- Hey, it's part of the creative process!

Kristie Cook said...

The Man took over washing the dishes as "his" chore so I wouldn't have to do them or have to nag the kids to do them. He does them to make me happy. So when I asked my 19 yo son to do them once, he said, "But that would be c@$k blocking dad." Seriously. Life with a house of teen boys...

Paige Kellerman said...

I forgot to wear pants to work one day, and I got promoted. But that's insurance for you...

Deborah Small said...

Personally, I prefer yoga pants. But for some reason they don't fly at the day job, so I tolerate dress pants. Skirts...only in Summer. Too freaking cold the rest of the year. In a perfect world, I'd schlep through life in my slump-a-dink work-out gear I rarely work out in--but at least I'd look athletic. Sort of.


Tina Moss said...

I notice that men often say, "I don't know how." For example, doing the laundry, running the dishwasher, etc. When I volunteer to teach these chores, I've gotten the answer, "Oh. But, you're so much better at it." Ugh. Men.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

That is sheer genius. :) I don't have many excuses, honestly, I usually fall for that old standby of 'not feeling well'. Which, since I'm an expert in tricking my body into feeling tired, achey, or nauseous, works pretty well.
Is that a good thing? I don't think that's a good thing.
Maybe next time I'll just throw off my pants. :)


German Chocolate Betty, Amen! Now take off your pants!

Laina, I refused to wear a shirt during the summer until I was five or six. My parents were terrified they'd be carting me off topless to first grade.

Sarah W, that'll just be our little secret :)

Kristie, bwahahahaha! Love it!

Paige, OK, you can't just drop that juicy detail and leave us hanging. Tell the story!

Deborah, this is what I love about the fact that the leggings/boots/skirt look is popular. Right now, I'm wearing comfy leggings with squishy boots, a casual skirt, and a nice, woolly sweater. I feel like I'm in my jammies, but I look plenty dressed up for work. Win!

Tina, funny, I pulled a variation of that this morning. I called pliers "those pinchy things" in an effort to prompt one of the housemates to tackle a chore I didn't want to do myself. Win!

Bethany, taking off your pants really is the key to success. Wait, what?

Thanks for reading, guys!

Kris said...

There's a radio program here in Aus where the guys do 'pants off friday' and they do the show in their undies. perhaps you need to adopt 'pants off friday'

Neurotic Workaholic said...

I teach college students, so the number of excuses I've heard would be enough to fill not only one book, but an entire series. They include stuff like, "I don't see why I have to come to class in order to get a good grade," and "I'm trying out for American Idol," and "I'm just not used to waking up before 10 A.M."

Kristin said...

This post totally cracked me up!