Thursday, July 12, 2012

Phrases I never imagined I'd utter until I lived with two 27-year-old male housemates

Late Monday night, I came home from a friend's house and opened my freezer door. Inside, I spied a Tupperware container that hadn't been there when I left. Curious, I opened it up.
Naturally, the freezer is the perfect place to store dead bugs.

Words can't accurately describe the feeling of discovering a giant, dead moth that's being intentionally stored in your freezer at 11 p.m. on a Monday. Since neither of my two 27-year-old housemates was awake, I had to wait until the following evening to question them about it.

"Why is there a big dead bug in a Tupperware container in the freezer?"

It's a phrase I never thought I'd speak aloud until I lived with two twenty-something boys. While we're on the subject, here are a few more unexpected phrases I've caught myself uttering in the last few months:
  • Please don't feed beans to the dog.
  • No, you can't hook the lawn mower to your motorcycle and ride around the yard.
  • Thank you for the offer, but I don't want you to batter & deep-fry the pineapple.
  • I'm sure you're right that the 38 boxes of old National Geographic magazines are worth money, but can you please move them so I can get my car in the garage?
  • Who's been eating the bloodworms in the freezer? 
  • I do respect your goal to watch 16 straight hours of Miami Vice, but would you mind turning it down?
Oh, and to answer the moth-in-the-freezer question:

"Because it's really big. Did you see it?"

And that explains that.


Judy,Judy,Judy. said...

Maybe you can remind yourself that you will never again have trouble writing your heroes before they arc into dream men.

Unknown said...

The difference between me and your housemates is that I would simply have photographed it repeatedly from all angles.

Kristi said...

This is cracking me up! I guess some boys never grow up, eh?

On the bright side~constant entertainment for the rest of us, though if I would have found the moth in MY freezer, there would be a lot of high pitched squealing involved. Bugs? So NOT my thing. Yuck.

Chris said...

Are you sure we can't keep them?

BarbN said...

they sound remarkably similar to my 15-year-old. :-)

Unknown said...

Ewww on the giant moth, but what was that about bloodworms? *shudders*

Bethany Elizabeth said...

*shiver* I'm deathly afraid of moths - congratulations on not screaming and throwing it away (outside, maybe in a neighbor's garbage can, then burning it). :)

Charlie N. Holmberg said...

I was laughing until the bloodworms line, then I just felt sick...

Stephsco said...

Mmmmm... deep fried pineapple. I bet it's good.

Lisa Ahn said...

I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old. Here are some of my favorite "things I thought I'd never say":

1. We don't put chapstick on the dog.
2. You can't got outside because you hit your sister on the head with a jar of maraschino cherries.
3. Don't run with chopsticks

And, my personal favorite:
4. Stop kissing the lemon.

I feel right at home in this post.

Rich Amooi said...

There is a restaurant here in downtown San Jose, Mezcal, that serves deep-fried grasshoppers. I will recommend moths to them and see what they say. I think they would go nicely with a slightly-spicy chipotle sauce and thinly sliced cucumbers. God, I'm hungry.