Thursday, August 16, 2012

Pretty much the worst book giveaway ever

Several months ago, I shared how my pets were obsessed with the giant box of Believe it or Not sent to me by my publisher.

Their obsession eventually waned, and I worked my way through the stockpile of books doing giveaways and promotions.

On the day we moved from our old house to the new one, I peered into the box and discovered one copy remaining.

Unfortunately, someone peed on it.
For the record, it's not saturated or anything. Just lightly drizzled.

The housemates vehemently deny using my book box as a urinal, and I checked all the book's Amazon reviews to make sure no one posted anything like, "this book sucks, so I took a whiz on it."

I don't mean to point fingers here, but I'm pretty sure it was one of the cats. My money is on Maestro, my gentleman friend's favorite among our five felines:
Maestro. Is he the guilty party?

But it's also possible Matt the Cat or Blue Cat committed the offense while jockeying for position in my writing space.
Or was it Blue Cat or Matt the Cat?

No matter, the damage is done. It got me thinking about those weird eBay auctions you see sometimes where someone's selling a piece of gum chewed by Britney Spears, or a Kleenex someone swears Tom Hanks blew his nose in.

So who'd like to own a copy of of Believe it or Not that's been peed on by my cat?


Don't all raise your hands at once.

OK, seriously. Tell me in the comments who you think peed on the book, and why you deserve this very special copy of Believe it or Not.

I'll choose a winner at noon PST on Sunday, August 18. That person will receive the copy of  Believe it or Not that's been ceremoniously anointed by someone in my house, plus one additional, signed copy of the book for your personal use. I'll package the pee copy in a baggie or something to keep it fresh for you, and I'll try not to let it touch the non-pee copy (because obviously we wouldn't want the non-pee copy to taint the pee copy – it might devalue it or something).

Questions? Comments? Suggestions on where I might go to find a qualified mental health professional?

I told you this was pretty much the worst book giveaway ever.


Bryan Thomas said...

Well Maestro looks not only guilty but freaking proud, so I'm going with him. Plus, you know, he's male, so maybe he just didn't go for the romance thing. As for why I deserve it, well, for one, a signed cat peed copy has to be worth something some day, right, and even though I already bought the book, my copy will not help my dogs with their nostalgic missing of our cat who is no longer with us. This way, when they miss the cat, they can smell the book. I won't smell it, but I'll read it and keep it in a place of honor with other pet critiqued books...

Bryan Thomas said...

P.S. Because I'm starting a collection of them, of course.

Anonymous said...

What? No one but Bryan has made any sort of comment? lol

Well I think Matt the Cat did it. Matt brings you all sorts of odd items so why wouldn't he make you one?

As to why I would like this book? My cat's first birthday is soon. He hasn't seen another cat since our old one died. Of course smelling isn't as good as seeing but maybe it would work on him. (he's silly)


Karen Lawson said...

I entered every give away I could for this book when it first came out and never won it. So, I hesitate to enter, knowing this could be the one I win..... But, Maestro looks guilty, so I'm going with him. As to why I deserve to win - well, I always knew your book was never a piece of shit, so at least the peed version could be worse....

Melissa Landers said...

None of the above.

I think your Gentleman Friend is the culprit! Perhaps all your romance writing has brought out the alpha male in him, and he felt the uncontrollable urge to mark his territory.

::shifts a sideways glance at Tawna's gentleman friend::

Gina Fluharty said...

Maestro did it! Matt the Cat and Blue are too magestic and dignified.

Michele Shaw said...

Matt the cat looks way guilty to me. It's the eyes. I need this copy because I'm sure some day there will be a museum of some kind for items like this, and then I can be one of those old ladies who is so foo-foo she goes around donating quirky, yet outrageoulsy valuable, items to museums! And, yeah, want the signed copy cuz, ya know, sounds too cool.

Undine said...

I have four cats. I know cats. My money's on this being a group effort. They all have that "hey, it wasn't me, it was the other guy" look in their eyes that I know only too well.

Chris said...

I have to go with one of the housemates. They seemed like ones to "mark their territory" from each other. Like "I moved here first kind of deal".

I deserve the copy because it will help me keep warm at the hockey rinks while I am watching hours, and hours of practices. I don't like to bring my kindle because the cement stairs are not kind to my clumsiness.

Raley Blue said...

Here's what happened. One (or both) housemates left a dirty sock lying about. Of course he's calling it, "hey, I just took them off to watch TV because that's a given when dudes watch TV. I was totally going to put it back on, but then I forgot, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because it just disappeared."

Maestro took it because he is your gentleman friend's favorite and thus must reject all other male human presences in your home. He must also reject any object or being that interferes with his time with you, other than of course his special pal, your gentleman friend. But this would include things like books you spent months writing and other cats posing as your pet. I say posing, because he knows HE's your only real pet. So he put the stinky sock in the box and sat back and watched those other two poseur cat pets sniff about. Then he told them it's the new litter box and they laughed. So he took a massive pee on the book and sock not only to show them it was true, but also to count coup on your gentleman friend’s possible rival(s), the housemate(s), but also to give you a little “what for” about spending so much time in front of that blasted keyboard when you could have been petting him. Peeing also demonstrates alpha dominance, so of course Matt the Cat and Blue cat had to whip it out and show their manliness, hence the peed upon book which wasn’t peed on just one of them, therefore none of them, are to blame. The sock is probably buried in the litter box. I can almost guarantee it. A special little “f-you” for the housemate leaving his stench on Alpha Maestro's beautiful den floor. Really this is a house and not a bear pit! ;)

Now as to why I deserve the precious pee book. I have four kids. Three of them started at three different schools this week. Their baby brother is inconsolable. The only respite I get beside the occasional writing day that my fairy-in-law-mother occasionally grants but then expects hard copies of my work for her inspection on completion of the day, is when I sit in a hot bath of rusty water (because my boyLovey forgot to buy softener salt again) soaking in some exotic blend of my best perfume and baby wash (because my daughters decided to make their own bubble bath and wasted all mine, and the perfume, in the effort). I actually tried to download Believe It Or Not last night on my e-reader as my one little guilty pleasure behind the bastion of the bathroom door and found I didn’t have enough money linked to my account to purchase it. Did I mention my special little toy also broke? So yeah, I’ll gladly read your pee copy. Wont bother me a bit. It’ll be right at home in my little world, you don‘t even have to waste a new on me. Although it would be cool to have your autograph on the pee one all the same. Thanks.

Unknown said...

Wow, I've been away for far too long. As always, love your humour Tawna, and I love how you design your posts ...

As for the culprit? ... Who was in your box the most? Maybe that might help pinpoint the most likely contestant to have done it.

Not that I'm in desperate need of another book, but it might be time to broaden my library to include some humourous romance <3 :) ... even if the cats felt the need to add a little humuor into your own life =^^= ~

Carole said...

Sorry Maestro - if your human thinks you did it, I'm with her. We humans are smarter than you cats give us credit for. We usually know what you've been up to, so stop practicing the innocent looks while we're not home.

I deserve the book. It will go nicely with all the others on my shelf that have been spritzed, showered, bedewed, and moistened (thank you, Nigel, you little tabby monster).

Judy,Judy,Judy. said...

I'm not going to venture a guess as to who did it cause I don't want to be accidentally entered into the contest.
I just want to say that I'm so glad I already own the book.
I bet someone will treasure it, though, and they might be the ones needing a mental health professional.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to say Maestro, because look at that face--guilt and proud are written all over it.

I deserve the copy because I like collecting strange, weird things, and let's face it: a peed on copy of Believe It or Not is strange and weird. AND will go lovely with my collection.

Michelle Wolfson said...

Oh please, just admit you did it, Tawna.
No need to send me the copy. Send it to some of these, uh, collectors.

Anonymous said...

I'm betting on Blue, because like my cat, Tommy Chong, he's seriously jealous of your writing time. I gather he's staging a revolt by using your laptop as a kitty bed! I can't count the times I've been doing a read through and found pages of... "Tommy Writing" in my WIPs.

Bad Kitty!

Jealousy is an ugly little emotion.

Shalet Jimmy said...

looks like Maestro is the culprit..I would like to win it....

Wendy said...

I don't want to win it. I just stopped in to say I thought this was hilarious. :)

Melanie Sherman said...

I have absolutely no idea who did it. No clue. I just want to make that clear. Nor am I willing to make an accusatory statement without any corroborating evidence. Did you send said novel to the crime lab? Did you obtain depositions from all the felines? In my mind, a cat is innocent until proved guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, man.

An anonymous member of the
Don’t Blame Everything on Your Pwecious Widdle Kitties When a Vicious Dog May Have Broken In and Secretly Perpetrated the Deed League

PS I wonder if my cat wandered into your house for just a minute.