Thursday, April 1, 2010

CONTEST! Celebrating 2 months and 100+ followers

Yesterday, I sat here hitting “refresh” like a neurotic narcissist, just waiting for my number of blog followers to go from 99 to 100 (thank you Angela Ackerman for bumping me over the top!)

After I stopped dancing around my living room, I checked the calendar and realized that today – April Fool’s Day, as luck would have it – marks two months since I started blogging.

Seems like a good excuse for a contest.
Oh yes. It could be yours.
Based on your intense interest in yesterday’s phallic wine bottle stopper, I tracked down the artist and asked if he’d be willing to make another. Not only did he agree to carve a new masterpiece to the length and girth specifications of the winner, he offered to carve an alternate shape if the winner doesn’t happen to want a giant wooden phallus protruding from his/her Pinot Noir.

(Go ahead – insert penis/pinot joke here. You know you want to).

In case you missed it, check out yesterday’s blog post for details on this truly magnificent work of art.

OK, now that you know what the prize is, what do you have to do?

1) To earn yourself one entry, tell me your favorite blog post from these past two months. Um, my blog posts. No fair telling me how much cooler someone else’s blog is.

2) To earn yourself a second entry, tell me something you’d like me to blog about in the future. No guarantees I’ll do it, but hey, I like suggestions.

3) Mention this contest on your own blog, Twitter, or Facebook and I’ll give you another entry for each of those things. Tell me in the comments that you’re doing it, since I’m too lazy to go traipsing all over the Internet for evidence.

Put your responses in the comments section. I’ll keep this contest open until Monday, April 5 at noon EST because I’m nice like that.

And for those who desperately want a phallic wine stopper of your very own and can’t bear trusting your fate to this contest, email me at tawnafenske dot com and I’ll hook you up with the artist (who, oddly enough, doesn’t wish to have his name attached to this lovely creation. He is, however willing to carve more for just $25 + $5 shipping).

Thanks to everyone for reading these last two months. Stay tuned! With 16 more months before my debut novel hits the shelves, there’s a whole lot of crude humor still to come.

CLARIFICATION: In case you missed it above because I was too busy being a smart-ass, you don't actually have to get a phallic wine stopper if you win. The artist is happy to carve an alternate shape. Really, I think he'd prefer it.


Tammy said...

Okay, here goes.
1. My favorite post was yesterday's. Not just because it was funny as hell, but because of my step-daughter's reaction when she walked by while I was reading it.
2. I'd like to hear more of your "research" catastrophes.
3. You know that I always RT your blog posts so this one is no biggie.

Misty said...

I can't bring myself to want to enter this contest, although I love your blog and get a kick out of your tweets. Forgo the entry and blog for me baby: I'd love to know what the process is like for you. Music-no music? Sudden wild typing- slow as it goes? Outlines or careless abandon? Fears, freaking out along the way? Unflappable and determined? Take me right through querying- I'd love to read about it! I'd love to mention it on my blog- but I'm frightened of scaring away the virgin eyes of my followers with your...uh...wooden man root. However, I will have fun coming up with new and exciting terms for it!

Tawna Fenske said...

Tammy, thank you for your entry (and for the lovely RTs on Twitter!) I have plenty of research catastrophes to share, so I'll definitely add those to the list.

Misty, you can always opt for a non phallic shape. A dolphin maybe? A dog? The artist is quite willing (eager, even) to carve something that isn't a penis. Thank you for all the lovely suggestions and for reading!


JM Tohline said...

Glad to see your blog continue to grow like this - freaking awesome. Have you ever seen "Newsies"? You know when they sing the song, "And The World Will Know"? That's what I'm humming right now.

My favorite blog post of the last two months was the one I posted about you - not because anything is cooler than your blog, but because the blog post was about you. And about how your books are going to rock the casbah.

I do not want a large, phallic wine stopper, so please do not enter my name for consideration.

Please do, however, continue to blog about exactly what you're blogging about.

The end.

Angela said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Angela said...

I'll try again, typo free!

YOU crack me up, down and sideways! BWAAHAAAHAAA!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Congrats on rolling 100 followers!! I'm embarrassed to say I've been refreshing my blog today...199... Tawna, you're going to triple your followers in no time because your blog is such a riot, so informative, and just a feel-good island adrift on the blogosphere.

So, I'm gonna sign up to win me a penis wine stopper. Let's see:

My favorite blog post...well, I have three that jump right to mind. I loved yesterday's, lord I was cracking up! I also had a great time reading the post about dragging your hubby to the car for some "scene research." (And the comments were just as hilarious: fake tandem bicycle sex...) And remember the post when you shared going out to wine country CA and doing research for your next book? That one was inspirational.

One day, I'd love to hear your process when starting a new novel. How you plot, or don't; how you craft your characters; how you audition plot points, etc.

And, in earning my third entry :) I'm shooting over to my blog now to add your link on my sidebar.

Congrats again for the amazing two month blog success!

Misty said...

Oh would be sad not to own a penis. That's all I'm saying.

Harley May said...

My dear Tawna,

My favorite post was the simulated car sex one. You know the one I speak of. I like all forms of sex, pretend or otherwise, especially when the neighbors can see.

I'd really enjoy a discussion about ham on here. I like all types of meat honestly. We can go with turkey, chicken, WEINERS, spam, jerky, PORK, anything. If it's a dead carcass and I can eat it, I want to talk about it.

I will tweet and facebook this contest.

I do not care for the phallus wine stopper, but would love one of my ass. I believe you have a photo to share with the artist. Let me know.


Candyland said...

I need a new wine stopper shaped like a penis. Mine's outdated.
My FAVORITE blog post was the one about dropping chicken (was it?) gristle into the lady's purse and trying to reach for it. I still laugh out loud about it.

As for future blog posts, keep doing what you're doing. You're one of the funniest people I read.

I shall post about this on tomorrow post on my blog if I don't forget!

CKHB said...

Fave post: the first one I read! The glamourous life of a romance novelist, complete with simulated bathroom sex.

I'm also curious to read a post about if you are a plotter or a (seat-of-the-)pantser.

Tweeting now!

NWFoodie said...

1) My favorite post - the car sex research - I'm still laughing

2) How great and wonderful your blog followers are. :) Kidding. I love what you post so I'm with Candyland keep on keeping on. And I'll keep on howling with laughter and scaring the rest of the cube rats

Tawna Fenske said...

JM Tohline, OK, you deserve an entry for citing a different blog since it WAS about me (what a fabulous subject!) Any shape you'd prefer instead of a phallus? A sailboat maybe? A bust of Hemingway?

Angela, that sounds painful, but thank you!

Nicole, it's silly how we can become so obsessed w/ follower numbers, isn't it? Doesn't mean I won't do it, just means I know I'm being a dork. Thanks for all the support! Love your blog, by the way!

Misty, thank you for the tweeting and the linkage on your blog. It is a highly desirable work of art, isn't it?

Harley May, I am certain the artist would weep with joy at the opportunity to carve a wine stopper in the shape of your ass. I'm weeping now, as a matter of fact.

Candyland, a girl always needs at least 3 or 4 penis wine stoppers lying around, doesn't she? Glad you liked the gristle post, that was one of my favorites, too!

CKHB, wow, I'm kind of amazed at how many people want to know my process. Will have to come up with something smart to say besides, "well, it involves a lot of wine and stickynotes."

NWFoodie, I'm sensing a theme in the posts people like, and most have to do with sex and humiliating my husband. My favorite things!

Thanks for reading, guys!

JM Tohline said...

A bust of Hemingway would be nice - Old Man Hemingway, beard and all.

I condone my entrance in the contest, with the Hemingway Wine Stopper as my understood prize.

Xuxana said...

Wow! More than 100 followers in just two months? That is incredible! Congrats, Tawna :)

I think I'll skip the contest though. Not because I have anything against wine stoppers of any bespoke shape, I just don't drink that much wine.

Linda G. said...

Ooooh, so hard to decide! Hmm. I think I'm going to have to go with Matt the Cat's Wild Ride (Mar. 1), since I'm campaigning to be president of the Matt the Cat Fan Club and all.

Kelly A. Harmon said...

Love your blog. Congrats on 100+ followers!

I'm not sure about a phallic wine-stopper. Maybe something medieval would be cool, like a sword or a spear... same point, right? ;)

I have two favorite posts: the (scrotum) simulated bathroom sex and the other one...(scrotum) and I can't remember (scrotum) what it's called... (scrotum).

I'd like to read about your query process. Perhaps you could share your query letter dos and don'ts.

I've added you to my blogroll on my Web site...

Claire Dawn said...

I really loved yesterday's post, but I won't pick it because it was yesterday.

I'll go with what's behind curtain #3, Vanna, "The tampon of mystery!"

Claire Dawn

PS- You are so taking over my blog... 3 days, 3 links. It's a good thing you're one of the cool kids!

Tawna Fenske said...

JM Tohline, will instruct the artist to begin studying Hemingway profiles, just in case.

Xuxana, it would look lovely in a Coke bottle, too, don't you think?

Linda G, Matt the Cat thanks you for your loyalty. He would bring you a roll of toilet paper if you lived closer.

Kelly, LOL, I had almost forgotten about the scrotum post! Good idea on the query process suggestion. Will add that to my list. It's nice having all this input!

Claire Dawn, love the new photo! You're lovely, my dear. Thanks for the blog links and the affection for The Tampon of Mystery.

Thanks for playing!


Christi Goddard said...

Congrats on the followers. I saw the picture and I went 'OMG, she's not giving that damn thing as a prize, is she?' and you ARE. Sorta. I find that hilarious. I, however, haven't had wine since I was six years old. I'm a Southern Comfort gal.

Sydnee said...

1) Without a doubt, my favorite entry is The Glamorous Life of a Romance Author. It's the perfect proof - writing really is fun for the whole family (and for neighbors walking by...maybe. At least, it would be for me)!

2) How about you blog about where you get your inspiration from for your sexy romances (besides from Pythagoras, of course). Honestly, I'll keep coming back as long as you keep the crude humor coming.

Cynthia Reese said...

My favorite post would HAVE to be the Jane post -- the one about how you so kindly checked out the viability of a love scene in a Honda? For, ahem, Jane?

Like I said, it's a good thing I don't have to worry about love scenes any more! (And Steve thinks so, too!)

Congrats on your 100 plus, your centipede-blog!

Linda G. said...

I forgot to give you a suggestion. Don't want to miss out on another opportunity to win the phallus topper--er, I mean, wine bottle topper; a phallus topper is something else entirely, I'm sure.

Hmm...I think you should blog about your First Time. I'll leave it to you to decide which "first time." First time driving? First time flying? First kiss? First...?

LR said...

1. My favorite entry: a no-brainer, definitely the "scrotum" one

2. Future posts: something we can only get here. How about a whole post devoted to fart humor? (Provided this is not already given?)

3. Have mentioned your contest on my blog. :)

Tawna Fenske said...

Christi, your comment may be the funniest thing I've read all day ("I, however, haven't had wine since I was six years old. I'm a Southern Comfort gal.")

Sydnee, thanks for the kind words. I can definitely tell a few tales of non-Pythagoras inspired romance ideas!

Cynthia, how did I know you'd be a fan of the Jane post?!

Linda G, thank you for the suggestion! My mind is reeling with "firsts!"

LR, so funny how the scrotum one seems to have struck a chord with people! I may have to ask Patrick Allen to guest blog on the fart one. Thanks for the blog mention!


Claire Dawn said...

Here's the lin in case you need proof! Although my word is golden. Clairely! :)

Lola Sharp said...

1) Favorite post: faux car sex. Good times.

2) Just keep on keepin' it realz, yo. K?

3) CONGRATS on your milestone followers!

4) I've been away from the blogosphere, as I've been sick as a dog, but I will get a post up today, and it will include your blog, a link, and a mention of your contest, 'cause I'm nice like that. NOT because I want those gnarly ball sacs on my wine bottle. Okay, maybe I would...but husband might revolt.

Tawna Fenske said...

Claire Dawn, you rock so hard you make me seasick! Thanks for the blog link!

Everyone else -- go visit Claire Dawn's site now!! :)

Lola, I told Pythagoras last night that readers seem most fond of the posts involving the humiliation I force him to endure for my writing career. He seemed a little depressed about that. At any rate, I hope you're feeling better!