Pimpin' my agency sistah, yo (and giving away a signed copy of her debut book!)

Several years ago before I ever had a book deal, my amazing agent Michelle Wolfson  mentioned in casual conversation that she'd just signed a new client.

"I think you two would really hit it off," Michelle said. "You have similar writing styles and a similar sense of humor."

And I thought to myself (with all the maturity of a spoiled six-year-old who's just been informed she's getting a new baby sister) "but you already have ME! Why do you need another?"

Eventually though, I connected with Linda Grimes in the Twitterverse and blogosphere and we ended up meeting in person when I took a trip to the oposite side of the country.

Obviously, we hated each other:

OK, so WonderAgent Michelle was right. Linda and I adore each other. Well, I adore Linda. It's possible she's only tolerating me because she thinks I have access to good wine and dirty movies, but that's a fine basis for a friendship as far as I'm concerned.

The similarities in our writing and our sense of humor means we're well-suited as critique partners, which is how I knew even before her debut novel, In A Fix, hit shelves last week that it's a hilariously fantabulous book.

Here's a blurb:

Snagging a marriage proposal for her client while on an all-expenses-paid vacation should be a simple job for Ciel Halligan, aura adaptor extraordinaire. A kind of human chameleon, she's able to take on her clients' appearances and slip seamlessly into their lives, solving any sticky problems they don't want to deal with themselves. No fuss, no muss. Big paycheck.

This particular assignment is pretty enjoyable...that is, until Ciel's island resort bungalow is blown to smithereens and her client's about-to-be-fiancé is snatched by modern-day Vikings. For some reason, Ciel begins to suspect that getting the ring is going to be a tad more difficult than originally anticipated.

Going from romance to rescue requires some serious gear-shifting, as well as a little backup. Her best friend, Billy, and Mark, the CIA agent she's been crushing on for years—both skilled adaptors—step in to help, but their priority is, annoyingly, keeping her safe. Before long, Ciel is dedicating more energy to escaping their watchful eyes than she is to saving her client's intended.

Suddenly, facing down a horde of Vikings feels like the least of her problems.

I'll be honest, I'm not generally a fan of stories with heavy paranormal elements. That's actually one reason I love this book. There's nothing heavy about it – it's just good, whimsical, entertaining FUN. I love that in a book (go figure).

And even though I've already read In A Fix several times throughout the critique process, I couldn't wait to hustle down to my local indie bookstore, Between the Covers, to buy a copy of the book.

Since I was squealing like a little girl in all my excitement, the store owner suggested I might like a photo in one of the shop's kiddie chairs. I was a little afraid my butt might get stuck, but I rarely let that stop me from doing anything.

If you want to squeal with excitement of your very own, I encourage you to go out now and acquire a copy. Here are some helpful online shopping links:

• Amazon
• Barnes and Noble
• Powell's Books
• Indie Bound
• Books-A-Million
• The Book Depository

Want a chance to win a signed copy? Linda has graciously agreed to sign mine and mail it along to one lucky winner. Just answer a simple question in the comments: If you could take on someone else's identity for a day, who would you be and what would you do? 

We'll choose one commenter at 5 p.m. PST Wednesday, Sept. 12 and he or she will win a signed copy of d In A Fix.

Trust me, it's worth playing for.

When authors come to dinner, hide the good silverware

I've been part of the same book club for 11 years now, and though we've been lucky enough to chat with a number of authors on the phone, we've only had two join us in person and live to talk about it.

Last night, we had the divine pleasure of having mystery author Bill Cameron make the seven-hour round trip journey to eat bacon chat with us about his most recent release, County Line.

I should start by saying I'm a huge Bill Cameron fan, and have read all his releases. For the rest of my book club, this was the first. Technically, County Line is the fourth in a series, though all the books stand alone just fine even if you haven't read the others. Because County Line has a strong female point of view I knew the group would enjoy – and because the book is so fabulous it makes me dizzy – it seemed like an excellent starting point for book club.

No one was disappointed (unless you count my dog, who felt she didn't get a fair share of the bacon-filled appetizers, entrees, sides, and desserts we'd prepared in Bill's honor).

I was most fascinated by the kinds of questions the group members asked. Some wanted to know how certain characters were created. Others wanted more details on back-story. One member even challenged a part of the book that referenced female basketball players dunking (to which Bill responded with a surprising amount of research on the subject).

I knew I adored the book before our little Q&A, but I came away loving it a hundred times more after getting the inside scoop from the author himself. It's a good reminder to me as a newbie author contemplating how many guest blogs and interviews and book signings I should pack into my schedule. Does it really matter? Does anyone care what I have to say?

Toasting with bacon, in Bill's honor.

Speaking only as a reader who was tickled pink to chat and dine with an author whose books I enjoy, I can say the answer is yes.

Do you find your response to a book changes if you get a chance to interact with the author? If you got to ask one question of any author (dead or alive) who and what would you ask? Please share, I'm curious about this.

Oh, and please do yourself the favor of picking up one of Bill's books as soon as possible. Lost Dog is a natural starting point, but every single one of his books is packed with great mystery, fascinating characters, and a whole lot of wonderful Portland flavor.
 

Finding the funny balance

There aren’t a ton of authors writing romantic comedy, which is a damn shame.

I have a handful of idols in my genre, and one of them is Kristan Higgins. She’s a

two-time winner of the RITA (the Academy Award of romance writing) and a USA Today and New York Times bestseller. She makes me laugh and cry and even pee myself a little when the two reactions happen to coincide.

Her seventh book, My One and Only, hit shelves recently and like the devout fangirl I am, I ran out and bought it.

I’m just a couple chapters from the end, but I can confidently say I adore the book and rank it as one of the top three she’s written.

But here’s the thing – my VERY favorite book she’s written is Just

One of the Guys. On the humor spectrum for Higgins books, I’d argue that one is her funniest.

My One and Only – while charming and engaging and entertaining – isn’t as humorous. There are plenty of scenes that made me laugh out loud, but the overall tone is more somber.

But still, I love the book. It’s sweet and funny and I adore the characters so much I want to pat them on the head and stuff them in the trunk of my car. Adding more humor wouldn't make it better because it's nearly perfect the way it is, and tossing in more laughs would likely cheapen the book's emotional oomph.

In a way, it’s a relief for me to realize I can love two books from the same author when there’s a fairly significant difference in the humor of the two.

It’s something I’ve fretted about in my own writing for sure. The three books in my contract have a lot in common in terms of humor and style, but they’re not carbon copies of each other. Where my debut, Making Waves, feels more like a comedy with added romance and drama, the book slated as my August 2012 release (currently dubbed Let it Breathe) feels more like a romance with added comedy.

I’ve been working to bring them more in line with each other and worrying about what will happen if I fail to do it well. Will readers get to the third book and assume I’ve developed a crack habit? Or perhaps they’ll like the third one best and wonder why I didn’t write the other two exactly the same way.

I honestly don’t know.

Much of this will be up to my editor in the long run, and I trust she’ll raise any concerns she may have about continuity and crack habits.

But for what it’s worth, I love Making Waves just the way it is.

And as I edit my way through Let it Breathe, I realize I’m pretty happy with the tone of that book, too. They aren’t the same, but is that such a bad thing?

What’s your opinion on authors whose books fluctuate with humor or heat or tension or whatever else you’re looking for from that author? Please share, I’m truly curious.

And please check out Kristan Higgins if you haven’t already. Gotta give some love to the romantic comedy genre, know what I’m sayin?

Let's talk about money...or let other people do it

Yesterday's post about doing things for love or money generated some fascinating discussion about finances, passion, prostitution, and the potential ogling of my new young tenant (for the record, he's a sweet, slightly naive young man to whom I could have easily given birth. Definitely NOT going there!)

A lot of authors shy away from talking about money in public forums. I'll admit it, I'm one of them.

I vowed at the start that I wouldn't discuss my advance, royalties, earn-out, or any other specific financial details. It's just not something I wish to share, but that doesn't mean I don't admire the hell out of authors who choose to. They're the ones who help keep the rest of us firmly grounded and remind us we probably shouldn't begin drafting a scathing resignation letter to the boss the day book deal comes through.

There's a statistic I've seen thrown around again and again that I'm too lazy to go out and confirm right now: Less than 10% of published authors are able to make a living solely on their careers as authors. The vast majority maintain a day job. I remember being stunned by that when I first read it. The more I learned the facts, the better I understood.

One of the best explanations I've seen on this subject was written by New York Times bestselling author Sabrina Jeffries. If you haven't read The Big Misunderstanding about Money and want to know more about the financial side of writing, I encourage you to check it out.

Another amazing (and more recent) article on the subject comes from author Lynn Viehl. She vowed several years ago that if she had a book hit the top 20 on the New York Times mass market bestseller list, she'd share every scrap of information including her advance and royalties. She made good on her promise with an article titled The Reality of a Times Bestseller. If you want the nitty-gritty details (including a look at her actual royalty statement) it's an incredibly enlightening article.

Finally, there was a post just last week from romantic comedy goddess Lani Diane Rich (writing as Lucy March). She's a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author who's published nine delightful novels all with "big six" New York publishing houses, and I adore her so much I want to pick her up by the ears and squeeze her.

But I'm leery about the restraining order, so instead I'll share a link to her ballsy, beautiful blog post about how she recently took a part-time job working retail in a mall. It's not packed with numbers and specific financial details like the other two, but it's a fascinating glimpse into the realities of author ego and the fact that most of us are not rolling in piles of cash tossed at us by our nude cabana boys.

So there you have it. While I won't share my financial details, I'll happily share them for other authors. Nice of me, huh?

For those of you still in the early stages of your writing career, do you entertain the "quit your day job" fantasies of authordom? For those at a different stage in your careers (or those who aren't writers at all) have you stumbled upon anything that's shaken your preconceived ideas about authors' financial lives? Please share!

Oh, and if you do happen to have those nude cabana boys who throw money, please share them as well. It's only fair.

Building writing muscles one kinky book at a time

As I suggested Monday, readers commenting here often have smarter things to say than I do.

Case in point, in response to my December 30 post about New Year’s resolutions, agent Janet Reid offered the following:

I think every writer should resolve to read more. One book that is outside their normal area of interest, or one book they've been meaning to read. Then WRITE about the book.

What they liked/what they didn't' and why. In 250 words or fewer.

I firmly believe the discipline of writing clearly and persuasively in limited space builds writing muscle.

Though I’ve always tried to pick books outside my comfort zone, I’ve never made a formal commitment to do it with any regularity (though for the record, doing it with regularity is good for your health).

Janet Reid knows a thing or two about helping writers improve (if you aren’t already following her Query Shark or her regular blog, get the hell out of here and go do it now). Taking Janet's advice, I decided to challenge myself to pick an outside-the-comfort-zone book each month.

First on the docket was Petals and Thorns by Jennifer Paris. That’s the pen name used by author Jeffe Kennedy for her erotica titles. The book is a BDSM fantasy, and if you don’t know what that means, see if you can figure it out from what appears on the first few pages:


Oh, and even better:


In other words, don’t blame the author if you damage yourself (something that seems likely if you attempt some of these maneuvers).

I’ll confess, I wasn’t sure I’d like this story. I’m no prude, and I enjoy a good erotica title from time to time. But fantasy? BDSM? It seemed like a bit much even for me.

The story totally sucked me in. Pun intended. Duh.

Want to win it? Leave a comment!

Petals and Thorns is a modern, erotica twist on Beauty and the Beast. Heavy emphasis on “twist,” by the way. The kink factor is high, and this probably isn’t the book to give your child’s kindergarten teacher as an end-of-year thank you gift.

In this version of the tale, Amarantha agrees to marry The Beast to spare her father’s life. The Beast can’t take her virginity unless she begs him to, and she only has to keep her legs together for seven days to win his fortune.

You see where this is going, right? I doubt you'll be shocked to hear Amarantha isn’t the only one begging for it by the end.

This was a fun, fast read – perfect for an evening by the fire with a glass of wine and a set of handcuffs.

I’m glad I read it, and I’m glad I’ve committed to this little outside-the-comfort-zone reading experiment.

Do you make efforts to read books you wouldn’t normally choose? Have you had positive experiences with it? Better yet, do you have any suggestions for books I should consider in the coming year? Please share!

Win! Win! Win!
Oh, and as an added enticement for you to leave a comment, Jeffe/Jennifer is giving one lucky reader his or her own digital download of Petals and Thorns. Woohoo!

Just make sure you get your doctor’s permission first.

Great writer gifts day 3: Getting classy with Lani Diane Rich

We’re at the halfway point in our week of great gifts for writers, and so far we’ve discussed mugs and underwear.

While those things are certainly vital to creative performance, it sometimes takes more than a splash of Earl Grey in a Miss Piggy mug to get you through a manuscript.

There’s a lot of talk about “honing your craft” in writing, though opinions differ on what that means. Some authors learn by trial and error. Others take classes or devour books like Stephen King’s ON WRITING or Donald Maass’s WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL.

I've always been a “trial and error” girl myself, but recently decided to treat myself to a class. After all, I have a three-book deal now. I should probably learn to write.

I also kinda wanted to be a student again without the threat of after-school detention.

After a bit of research, I settled on Lani Diane Rich's online series of classes called Storywonk. I already knew I loved her romantic comedies (New York Times bestseller and all). I liked the idea of a six-week series that included both live lectures and online discussion forums where students could interact with each other and with the instructor.

Author Lani Diane Rich

I signed up for the Revision class, biting my nails a little at the $180 price tag. What if it sucked?

It did not suck.

The lessons focused heavily on structure. In the first class, a student expressed concern this could dampen her creativity.

Lani suggested thinking about it like this: let's say you're a seamstress and you've sewn a beautiful dress. But if you leave the dress lying in a heap on the floor, no one can appreciate how lovely it is. Put the dress on a form, and voila! The whole thing takes shape.

That's one of the best analogies I've ever heard.

Under Lani's tutelage, we all identified our "seven anchor scenes" and wrote sentences describing each one. Then she critiqued them for every single student – some more than once. The feedback was occasionally harsh, but always honest, and obviously coming from someone who's been around the block once or twice.

Even Pythagoras reaped the benefits. Lani asked us to watch several movies so we could all analyze structure together. Since I rarely watch movies, my dear husband nearly wet himself with delight when I informed him I wanted to watch Happy Gilmore, Die Hard, and Shawn of the Dead in one week.

All in all, I loved my first experience with a novel writing class. If you're looking for a splurge item on your holiday wish list, consider something like this as an investment in your writing career. Oh, and I have it on good authority that there are several spots left for both the Storywonk Revision class (the one I took, which is for writers revising a completed manuscript) and the Storywonk Discovery class (for writers getting ready to start a book). Both sessions start in January. Go here to read more.

Have you ever taken a class to hone your craft as a writer? What are the most valuable lessons you've learned? If you haven't tried a class, what's the reason? And what other methods do you use to improve your skills? Please share.

Oh and for the record, I didn't get sent to the principal's office even once. There was that nasty incident with the paste and the ruler, but that's a topic for another blog post.

Contest winner...plus a surprise!

Earlier this month I held a contest inviting readers to show me what they think my cover might look like for MAKING WAVES.

Since the prize was a coveted signed copy of Eileen Cook's hysterical YA novel WHAT WOULD EMMA DO, you guys pawed through your closets and dug out your most colorful, creative thinking caps. I'm delighted with the submissions!

So delighted that I can't possibly choose a winner. Even though this is just for fun and not for the real book cover, it's just too much pressure for me to handle.

For that reason, I asked Eileen Cook herself to do the honors.

Take it away, Eileen!

Thank you so much for having me as a judge for your cover contest. All of the entries were awesome, but just like Miss America, only one gets the tiara. Everyone else had a cat fight over double sided boob tape in the changing room.

My thoughts on the entries:

Option 1 from Eleven Eleven.

Option 1: Love the back tattoo. Very clever. I have to think there is a temptation to have a big X marks the spot in a place where the sun doesn't shine.

Option 2 from Mark Simpson.

Option 2: The bra on the pirate flag is a nice touch – but this one won my heart with the tag line: A dumb plan is still a plan. Could be my life motto.

Option 3 from Suz Korb.

Option 3: Great use of color and has a nice whimsy feeling to it.

Option 4 from Miranda.

Option 4: Sinking bikini top is good, love the heart bubble. Also can't beat a Nora Roberts quote.

Option 5 from Miranda.

Option 5: Very Jaws like feeling. I can hear the music in the background. The tagline here is also a winner.

Option 6 from Harley May.

Option 6: Killer photo, love the wine bottle, somewhat concerned about the woman's five o'clock shadow.

And in my humble opinion.....the winner is....(cut the tension with a knife).....

Option 1!!!

Applause! Applause!

Hey, it's Tawna again, and thank you so much to Eileen for the insightful judging and commentary. Thanks also to everyone who submitted a cover, and super-huge congratulations to regular blog reader Eleven Eleven for submitting the winning entry.

Wow, this feels a little anti-climatic, doesn't it? I mean I know we weren't picking the actual book cover here, but it still seems like we should have a group hug or at least grope each other or something.

Better yet, let's keep the contest going.

Since these entries were so lovely, it seems wrong not to have a second round of judging, this time for a Readers' Choice pick. Tell me in the comments which cover you think deserves the Readers Choice award and I'll send the winner a copy of New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Brenda Novak's romantic thriller WHITE HEAT.

While this is not a signed copy like Eileen's book, I'll go ahead and throw in a special MAKING WAVES "booty bag" for the winner. Heck, I'll throw one in for our first winner as well. I'm nice like that.

Leave a comment suggesting which entry should get the Readers' Choice award. I'll tally them up on Friday and will send out prizes after that.

Oh, and let's have a round of applause for Eileen Cook, who is not only a fabulous guest judge, but a ridiculously amazing author (as evidenced by the starred Kirkus review she just got for her upcoming January release, THE EDUCATION OF HAILEY KENDRICK (which you can pre-order right here).

Yaaaay, Eileen! Yaaaay, Eleven Eleven! Yaaaay Readers' Choice winner, whoever you are!

I need a celebratory drink, how about you?

Am I getting older or are they getting younger?

Half a lifetime ago, I read Robert James Waller’s BRIDGES OF MADISON COUNTY.

It’s the story of a lonely 1960s housewife swept off her feet by a National Geographic photographer doing a photo essay on covered bridges. Stop reading now if you don’t want to know the book ends with the housewife halting her affair with the photographer and staying in a loveless marriage.

When I read it at 18, I was irritated the heroine had an affair in the first place.

When I read it again at 21 with a bit more life experience under my belt, I was irritated at her for staying with the douchebag husband instead of running off with the photographer.

When I read it again in my early 30s, I was just irritated by the writing.

Here is where you ask why the hell I kept rereading a book that irritated me, and I tell you that’s a very good question and offer you a drink so you don’t notice I failed to answer.

It’s an interesting thing to ponder though – not my poor reading habits, but the fact that we read books differently as we filter them through life experience and age.

A friend of mine is reading Diana Gabaldon’s OUTLANDER for the second time. It’s one of my very favorite books, and I asked what she thought of it on this round. She remarked that she never realized how young the swoon-worthy hero is. He’s 23 or 24, but since my friend was about that age when she first read it, his age never registered.

Now 31, she’s flummoxed to find herself lusting for a much younger man.

It’s a fascinating perspective, since OUTLANDER’s heroine is older than the hero anyway. Is the story more enthralling when you truly are the older woman? I’m curious.

Curious enough that I’ll probably read the book again just to find out. I was 27 the first time I read it, and though it made me delirious with lust back then, I’m intrigued by how I might respond now.

It also makes me wonder how my perspective as an author will evolve. I was 28 when I took my first stab at writing romance. I’m now 36, and I don’t think I’ve changed all that much. Some of my characters are older, and my writing has certainly improved, but I can’t pinpoint any earth-shattering changes in perspective.

Then again, give me 10 more years. At 46 I might look back at my younger author self and wonder, “what the hell were you thinking?”

Do you reread books from a different perspective with age or life experience as a filter? Do those things impact your writing? I’m intrigued by the idea, so please share.

I have to go hang a “do not disturb” sign on the door while I find my copy of OUTLANDER.

My high-class evening with the literary crowd

I am capable of behaving in a civilized fashion when the occasion calls for it. Saturday night, the occasion called for it.

Unfortunately, I did not rise to it.

I was lucky enough to get my hands on tickets to a fancy dinner for The Nature of Words, Central Oregon’s premier literacy event. Nature of Words is a multi-day smorgasbord of workshops and readings from renowned authors, culminating in a dinner that included actor Sam Waterston as the keynote speaker.

My not-so-fabulous photo of Sam Waterston.

I was a Literature major in college, and a big fan of many of the authors attending. Anne Lamot, Barry Lopez, David Whyte – I was delighted to rub shoulders with them all. I wore a lovely dress and red lipstick and looked as classy as I’m capable of looking.

That’s pretty much where the class ended.

Pythagoras and I were joined by a male friend, and there was some initial trouble getting all three of us seated together.

“If it helps,” I joked to the hostess, “I’m happy to sit on Sam Waterston’s lap.”

She smiled. “He’s my uncle.”

I slunk away to drink wine. Once we were seated and the event got underway, I was spellbound – and respectfully silent – as Michael Dickman read his poem “My Autopsy.”

I was not so quiet when the emcee declared how glad she was that we could all “come together.”

Pythagoras and our friend weren't much better when she announced, “let me tell you about the lay of the night.”

We eventually got control of ourselves and stopped snickering for the author readings. This was right about the time the woman seated beside me introduced herself.

At least I think she introduced herself. She was slurring her words so much it’s possible she was challenging me to a cage fight in the parking lot.

Within the first five minutes of our introduction, she complimented my hair, shared details of her sexual exploits with several men in the room, and offered me a discounted facial.

Her husband looked bemused.

Mine looked curious. “Is she groping your knee under the table?”

“Maybe she thinks it’s yours?”

When it came time to go, I noticed one bottle of particularly good wine remained nearly untouched on our table. Everyone else began to clear out, leaving it behind.

"Good wine should never go to waste," I insisted.

I rolled up a cocktail napkin to make a makeshift cork and then I hustled over to the coat check to stash the bottle under my jacket.

“Classy,” Pythagoras said as he held the door open for me.

“Shut up and drive the getaway car.”

So that’s how my fancy evening unfolded at a fancy literary affair. Hey, it could have been worse. At least I didn’t dance on the table.

What did you do this weekend to embarrass yourself? Please share.

I would offer to share my wine in return, but I’m not that nice. You'll have to steal your own.

Secrets under my clothes & in my stories

On Friday I had an IMPORTANT MEETING.

The kind where IMPORTANT PEOPLE discuss IMPORTANT THINGS over IMPORTANT FOOD.

Before I took this new job, I worked from home for three years. Most of my meetings happened via teleconference, which meant I could dress in a tube top and diaper and no one would know.

I don’t have that luxury with the new job, so I’ve been adding to my wardrobe. When I got dressed for Friday’s IMPORTANT MEETING, I suited up in my new IMPORTANT SKIRT.

Then I discovered a frayed spot. Nothing noticeable, but something that would worsen with a few washings. I knew I needed to return the skirt, but I was already dressed and really wanted to wear it.

I decided to tuck the price tag under the waistband.

Then I pictured the inevitable moment in the IMPORTANT MEETING when the tag slipped out and everyone turned to stare.

Feeling clever, I safety-pinned the tag inside my waistband.

Then the tag began to itch. Scratching yourself is not a nice way to make a good impression in an IMPORTANT MEETING, so I further demonstrated my ingenuity by safety-pinning some folded squares of toilet paper over the tag.

By the time the IMPORTANT MEETING rolled around, I marched in with my head held high and my toilet paper covered price tag safety-pinned at my hip.

No one ever knew.

But there was something about that ridiculous little secret that made me feel kind of clever. Like I was getting away with something. True, it wasn’t very classy, but it made me smile.

It reminded me of a question we pose to guest blogging authors at The Debutante Ball:

Tell us a secret about the main character in your novel – something that’s not even in your book.

I was delighted when my idol, Jennifer Crusie picked that question from a list of about 20, and gave the following response:

Andie knew the mix tape was under the front seat of her car, she just couldn’t bring herself to throw it away.

Even if you’ve never read Crusie’s MAYBE THIS TIME to understand the context, I still think it’s noteworthy. Here’s this secret little tidbit Crusie chose to hold back about her character. Something small – but still meaningful – that only she knew.

I’ve done it myself from time to time. When I’m trying to get to know a character better, I’ll brainstorm things that help me understand what she's like. These aren’t details meant for the stories. They’re only meant for me, to help shape my understanding of the characters.

Reese from LET IT BREATHE wasn’t really upset when Clay ruined her wedding cake.

Violet from BELIEVE IT OR NOT has a crystal pendant she wears tucked under her shirt when she feels homesick.

Juli from MAKING WAVES thought she’d marry her last boyfriend, and thinks it’s her fault it didn’t happen.

None of those things are in the books, and you probably wouldn’t guess them from reading. But those details were there in the back of my mind, helping shape the characters as I wrote.

Do your characters have little secrets? Things you won’t include in the book, but that help you clarify what makes them tick?

Please share.

And while we’re sharing, I should tell you I’m thinking of wearing the diaper and tube top to my next IMPORTANT MEETING. I think it’ll give me an edge.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Jennifer Crusie (my idol) blogs at The Debutante Ball

OK, so it's no secret that I worship at the altar of Jennifer Crusie, right? And that I've read her books over and over so many times I can recite long passages? And that I adore her so much I sleep with a lock of her hair under my pillow?

Wait, maybe that last one was a secret.

Several weeks ago I mustered up the courage to contact Jennifer Crusie on behalf of The Debutante Ball. That's a group blog I'm part of (now in its fifth season) that chronicles the debut year of five new authors from different genres, and I was honored to be chosen for it several months ago.

Every Saturday, we host a different guest blogger. Since Jennifer Crusie is my idol, I decided to be bold and ask her to participate.

And get this – she said yes.

Not only did she say yes, but she emailed me back within minutes with a message began, "Hi, Tawna. Of course I know you."

OK, OK...I don't delude myself into believing she knows me as an up-and-coming romantic comedy author. I'm sure she just knows my name since I comment on her blog from time to time. Still, I might've swooned a little. And maybe peed myself.

I've been swooning all week with the knowledge that she's blogging TODAY (that's Saturday, October 23) at the Debutante Ball. I've already read her post two or three or twelve times, and it's fabulous. She's funny and smart and all those things that make her the author whose books I adore with a blinding passion.

And speaking of those books, she's giving away two of them. And they're signed! All you have to do is leave a comment. Go now. Here's a link. Go. What are you waiting for?

Books I can't read

In recent months, my to-be-read pile has reached staggering heights, and now threatens to topple and squish me like a boobie on mammogram day.

I truly want to read most of it, but the sheer volume of books in the pile is making me feel like I have to read. Seeing reading as a chore is an odd sensation for me, as I’ve been eagerly devouring five or six a week since age seven, and now find myself wanting to bitch-slap the next person who thrusts a book in front of me and insists, “you simply must read THIS!”

It’s forcing me not only to prioritize, but to consider which books I simply cannot read.

I think most readers have this – a subject or genre you just don’t want to deal with. One member of our book club struggles with books that contain rape scenes or child abuse, so Alice Sebold's THE LOVELY BONES and Khaled Hosseni's THE KITE RUNNER were not her favorite selections.

I like to think I’m a pretty open-minded reader. I used to despise time travel stories, but gave Diana Gabaldon’s OUTLANDER a shot and now consider it one of my favorite novels (and no, not just because the sex scenes leave me fanning myself and contemplating whether addressing Pythagoras as “My Lord” might get me ravaged on a grassy hillside).

Vampires aren’t my thing, but I willingly picked up TWILIGHT and Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse series. While I don’t deliberately seek out books featuring infected anal lesions and a narrator who enjoys eating scabs, I liked Charlotte Roche’s WETLANDS (note to readers: this isn’t the best lunchtime read).

But there is one thing I can’t read, no matter how hard I try: any book in which animals are hurt, maimed, killed, or sad turns me into an inconsolable mess of snot and tears.

It’s limited to animals, since I can cheerfully read any book in which humans are subjected to unfathomable misery.

I’ve tried several times to read Garth Stein’s critically acclaimed novel THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN, which features a canine narrator. The first time I began bawling on page one, and finally quit on page six when the pages got too soggy to turn. A thoughtful friend offered to cover the saddest parts with post-it notes so I could skip them, but just knowing they were there made me hide the book under my bed and sniffle every time I caught sight of it.

Is there something you absolutely can’t read? Have you tried to get past it, or do you just accept this is who you are? Please share, I’m very curious.

And please know that if you hurt, maim, kill or sadden an animal, I will hunt you down and squish your skull in that mammogram machine.

Then I will write about it.

Help me get my poop together!

As you may know, I'm a Google Analytics fiend and a stalker when it comes to tracking blog stats.

Lately, I'm seeing a lot of first-time blog visitors showing up just to read old posts like You are a real author, dammit! or Query stats or Fake car sex.

I'm not sure how they're finding those posts, but I'm feeling kind of like I do when a bunch of unexpected house guests show up and I'm standing there in spaghetti-stained sweatpants with a pile of dirty dishes on the counter.

I always meant to have an organized system for archiving blog posts so new visitors could find what they're seeking. Like if you want to read posts about critique partners, there'd be an easy way to locate them. Or if you want to read posts about crotch patches or crotch pockets...um, I guess I'd have a separate category labeled "pervert?"

Anyway, I'd love your help getting organized. I'll even make it worth your while.

In the comments trail, please share one or more of the following:

• Are there any blogs you frequent that make it super easy to locate old posts on certain topics? Show me!
  
• For this blog, can you think of topics you'd like to see broken out or specific posts you'd like to see under those headings?
• Can you share any other tips for organizing/archiving blogs? Anything you've seen elsewhere that I should be doing here?
• What topics would you like me to tackle in future blog posts? OK, so this has nothing to do with organization. It's just me being lazy so I have something to blog about on those mornings I'm brain dead.

Answer one or more of these questions in the comments and I will be eternally grateful.

I will also give you a chance to win a fabulous book I just finished reading. I have an autographed copy of Joelle Anthony's terrific debut YA novel RESTORING HARMONY. I loved this book, and so will you. Well, only one of you will get to love this exact book. The rest of you will have to buy your own.

Just to keep things fair, I'm going to let Joelle pick a winner instead of having one of my pets do it this time. If Joelle really wants to fetch balls or swim for sticks, I'm happy to throw them for her.

Oh, and speaking of the amazing Joelle Anthony, she was one of last season's authors over at The Debutante Ball. The Friday blogger, to be specific. Know who's blogging there on Friday's now? (Hint: ME!) Stop by and say hello!

OK, blog readers – take it away! Help me get my poop together.

And thanks!

Go Wolf Pack sistah!

Today, I’m bursting with pride.

That’s unfortunate, since I just mopped the floor.

Nevertheless, I’m thrilled to gush about the fact that one of my agency sistahs has a book hitting shelves today. PARANORMALCY is the debut novel from Kiersten White, and if you believe our agent, the reviewers, and pretty much everyone who’s read this book, it is the best thing since shirtless construction workers.

What I love about being represented by Wolfson Literary is the fact that many of Michelle’s clients have formed a sort of kinship. We call ourselves The Wolf Pack, and may or may not be working on a secret handshake.

I feel an added kinship with Kiersten, since I was peeing the first time we spoke.

What? She called me for a reference when she was thinking of signing with Michelle in November 2008, and though I was thrilled to talk with her, I really, really had to go.

I don’t feel so bad, since Kiersten’s son was wailing in the background while we talked. OK, fine – the fussing of an innocent toddler and the piddling of a rude adult are not the same thing. I was quiet, OK? She probably never even knew.

Where were we?

Right. Go buy PARANORMALCY. Support my amazing agency sistah.

Oh, and please tell me I’m not the only one who visits the restroom while talking on the phone. Please?

My book club got NUMB from something besides wine

I've been part of the same book club for over 10 years.

We've read some incredible books, and have had the opportunity to talk with a number of authors whose books we've chosen. Sometimes, the author joins us in person (as was the case with Diane Hammond, author of HANNAH'S DREAM) but usually we cluster tipsily around a speakerphone, giddy with excitement at getting to talk with a real, live author.

The author making us giddy last night was Sean Ferrell, debut author of NUMB. According to him, he phoned us from the floor of a bus station and wasn't wearing any pants.

According to us, we're all Swedish swimsuit models dressed for the occasion in fur bikinis with lion tails sewn to the back.

It's possible some of us were lying. Certainly Sean has a talent for storytelling, if NUMB is any indication.

Here's what the book is about:
Numb, a man who feels no pain and has no memory of how he came to be this way, travels to New York City after a short stint in the circus to search for the answers to his past. But when word of his condition spreads – sparked by the attention he attracts from letting people nail his hands to bars for money – he quickly finds himself hounded on all sides by those who would use his unique ability in their own pursuits of fame and fortune. There's the best friend who doesn't quite know how to handle Numb's newfound celebrity, the savvy talent agent who may or may not have Numb's best interests in mind, the sadistic supermodel whose idea of a good time involves lion claws and can openers, and the blind girlfriend who might actually see something in Numb others don't. As Numb navigates this strange world, and as he continues to search for clues from his past, he is forced to confront one of life's toughest questions: Who am I?

We loved it (and I'm not just saying that because Sean threatened to beat me up – dude, I could totally take him). The book was sweet, funny, thought-provoking, touching, and – at times – uncomfortable to read.

That was one of the things I loved best about it.

Several book club members brought lists of questions to ask Sean. What did you mean by this? How did you come up with that? What was the inspiration for this character? Have you spent significant time in an insane asylum?

And though he answered all of our questions cleverly and engagingly, he was quick to point out that the book is less about his intent as the writer and more about our experience as readers.

As the only writer in the bunch, that struck a chord with me. Weren't we just talking on this blog about the importance of getting outside perspectives on your writing? This is why that matters so much. When people pick up a book and start reading it, they filter everything through their own life experiences and viewpoints. How one person chooses to read something might be totally different from another reader's take on it.

At one point in the discussion last night, I asked Sean about the contents of a video in the story (I'm not saying more because I don't want to give anything away).

"Do you know what was in the video?" I asked.

"Yes," Sean answered.

"You're not going to tell us, are you?"

Nope. Not even if we held him down and tickled him until he peed (which we totally would have done if we'd found a good flight from Central Oregon to New York at 8 p.m. on a Thursday night).

But I get his point. It matters more what we think might be in the video then what Sean – in his warped twisted brilliant mind actually intended.

Oh, and if you're part of a book club and would like to talk with Sean about NUMB, I have it on good authority he's willing to do this again (though obviously he loves us best and all other book clubs will pale in comparison). You can contact Sean on his website to set it up, and you can buy the book here.

So what are your thoughts on the balance between what an author intends and how readers interpret things? Have you ever had the pleasure of talking with the author about his/her book? What was that like? Please share in the comments.

For now, I leave you with this lovely image of our book club after we changed out of the fur bikinis.

People who are smarter than me

Insert joke here about how this is going to be a long post. Go on, I’ll wait.

In all seriousness, a lot of what I’ve learned about blogging these last six months comes from other bloggers who’ve been kind enough to share their wisdom.

I can’t possibly list every post that’s made an impression on me, but here are my top three:

From Jamie Harrington at Totally the Bomb
Jamie did an entire week of posts on building your online platform, but my favorite of the series was this one about Gravatars.

What’s a Gravatar?

It’s a globally-recognized avatar, and if you’re commenting on blogs or interacting in online communities, I can’t tell you how much you need one.

Until I jumped into the social media circus, I didn’t realize how crucial it is that people use consistent photos, user names, and Twitter handles to identify themselves. If you’re commenting on my blog as Jane Smith using a picture of a frog, but chatting with me on Twitter as Spudeatingmama with an avatar that looks like a potato, I might like adore both of you very much, but I will have no earthly idea you’re the same person. Not even if you tell me. Sorry, but my brain has a limited capacity for faces and names. You don’t get more than one.

Get a Gravatar. Be consistent with your user names. And go read Jamie’s blog post.

From my beloved agency sistah, Kiersten White
(and if you haven’t yet preordered her debut, PARANORMALCY, what are you waiting for?)
This post on the difference between blogs, blahgs, and blarghs clicked with me the instant I read it last November. I had it tattooed on my forearm so I could remember every word of it when the time came to start a blog of my own.

In addition to giving great information about tone and content in blogging, she provides an important wake-up call for writers – editors and agents WILL read your blog if they’re considering working with you. Keep that in mind with every single post you write. Every. Single. One.

From social media guru Kristen Lamb
Her post on whether authors must blog only went up a week ago, and it quickly became one of my favorites on the subject. Here’s a highlight:

Words are our “product.” And blogs are the samples to taste. Just like at Costco, I have a choice of 20 different frozen pizzas. Totino’s doesn’t have to hire some lady with a hairnet to fill the air with the smell of pizza yumminess, but they are smart enough to know that it will make people buy pizza who had no plans of buying pizza that day in the first place. Better yet, free samples will encourage consumers not just to buy pizza, but to buy their pizza.

Amen, a million times AMEN!

Go read the rest of the post for more words of wisdom.

How about you? Do you have any favorite blog posts about the fine art of blogging? Any tips or tricks that have really resonated with you? Please share in the comments.

And lastly, I want to thank you all for making my first six months as a blogger truly, truly amazing. Without you, I’d just be sitting here talking to myself, and that would be – well, that would be like any other day.

So thank you. I love you. Don’t forget to brush and floss.

Lies, lies, and more dirty lies

Before I began blogging, I went a little nuts doing research. I read about what makes good posts, considered what I liked about other blogs, and drank a lot of wine.

OK, so the wine wasn’t part of the research.

Still, I uncovered a lot of good advice and some…well, not so good advice.

Here are a few myths I’ve stumbled upon as I’ve worked to find my way with this blog:

MYTH #1: Unless you have a book deal, no one will read your blog. I kicked off my blog on February 1 with a post that was well-received by…um, my cousin. At that point, I was crossing my fingers, toes, and several unmentionable body parts my book would sell soon. Because my agent rocks so hard she makes me seasick is a brilliant and talented professional, she landed me a three-book deal on February 25.

It’s probably no coincidence my readership started climbing after that.

At the same time, a book deal isn’t a mandatory part of drawing a readership. Take a look at The Misadventures in Candyland, a blog maintained by Candace Ganger.

Candace doesn’t have an agent. She doesn’t have a book deal. She’s only been blogging for seven months, yet she has over 250 registered followers and her posts almost always draw 25-30 comments. Why?

Here’s what I think: she’s funny. She’s honest. She’s edgy. She’s sassy. She writes her posts in ways that prompt discussion, and she participates in that discussion in her comment trail. She’s consistent, blogging every weekday and wrapping each week with her hysterical Feel Me Up Friday feature.

There are plenty of other bloggers out there like Candace. Who are they? What’s their magic formula?

MYTH #2: Size doesn’t matter. Sorry, guys – I know you’d desperately like to believe otherwise, but length is crucial.

I read a lot of blogs, and I have a short attention span. If I click a post and the first thing I see is a giant block of text followed by twenty more giant blocks of text, guess what I’m going to do? (Hint: the answer is not “read it six times before forwarding the link to my friends.")

When it comes to blogging, size matters. Blog readers are busy, and if your post doesn’t grab attention in the first few sentences, you’re screwed.

Paragraphs should be short. White space should be plentiful. The total number of words shouldn’t exceed 500. I know there are exceptions to these rules (some of this week’s posts will definitely exceed 500) but the fact remains – one of the greatest writing skills you can develop is the ability to make your point in the fewest words possible.

MYTH #3: Social media is for celebrities and socialites – not serious authors. A year ago, the only thing I knew about Twitter is that it had something to do with Ashton Kutcher.

When my wise agent suggested I try it, I did my homework. I read Shel Isreal’s TWITTERVILLE and Joel Comm’s TWITTER POWER, and I spent a few months lurking to learn how it worked.

In a nutshell, you make friends. Pretty simple concept. Friends like to do business with other friends, so they visit each other’s blogs and buy each other’s books and braid each other’s hair (sorry, Bill Cameron – we missed that part).

Show of hands, how many of you originally found this blog through Twitter? I’m going to guess it’s somewhere around 80%. It may not be what keeps you coming back, but it was likely the first point of contact.

I’ve gone from skepticism about Twitter to being a devout fan. I’m seriously considering tattooing the bluebird logo on my left breast.

What blogging myths have I forgotten here? Do you disagree with any of mine? If so, let’s fight by the bike rack after school. That would make an AWESOME blog post.

Making blog love outta nothing at all

Last Tuesday morning, I sat staring at the blank screen with no idea what to blog about.

I’d spent the previous day editing the first book in my contract, and my brain resembled a sun-dried tomato stuck to the bottom of a shoe.

Panicked, I grabbed the list of topics I keep for desperate times. Tuesday morning was a desperate time, yet nothing on the list grabbed me.

I finally gave up and wrote about the first thing that came to mind – my own name.

“What are you muttering about?” Pythagoras asked when he walked past.

“This is the stupidest post I’ve written,” I told him. “People will stop coming to my blog after this. They’ll all hate me and write my name on bathroom walls with little cartoon pictures of me with a knife through my throat.”

“OK,” he said, backing away slowly. “Good luck with that.”

I was wrong. Well, it’s possible you drew the pictures, but I was wrong about the blog post. It racked up nearly 50 comments and prompted the following feedback from regular blog reader Elizabeth Ryann:

“This is actually one of my favorite posts of yours, and the comments have been so fascinating.”

So what gives? After six month of doing this, how can I still not tell a good post from a bad one?

Though there’s no exact science, I’ll share a few things I’ve figured out about blog topics:

Keep a list. Before I began blogging, I made a list of 50 things to blog about. Since then, the list has grown to over 150. My goal is to use the list no more than once a week, and I’ve stuck to that. But just knowing it’s there gives me a much-appreciated safety net.

Realize your list sucks. Looking at the earliest ideas on my list, I giggle at things I thought might make good blog posts. Not that they’re terrible ideas – they’re just too broad to be interesting. On the flipside, there are the topics I jotted later after an unexpected brainstorm or a few glasses of wine. Topics like #127: Gewürztraminer increment wiener disarray sloppily. (Believe it or not, I do know what that means, and I plan to use it). My point is that your list should contain every random idea that pops into your head. The individual topics might not be usable, but they might spark something that will be.

The silliest things make the best topics. I’m sure I’m not the only writer whose life is full of goofiness. I write those things down and look for ways to relate them to writing. My husband losing his pants, my decision to stick a cabbage in my shirt for a bike ride, the time I accidentally spit gristle in someone’s purse, the time the neighbors saw us having fake sex in the car – all of these things made for entertaining blog posts. Look for ways to make fun of yourself or your loved ones. That’s what they’re there for, right?

Create opportunities for discussion. Though I was surprised by the popularity of Tuesday’s blog post on names, I know it wasn’t any particular brilliance on my part that made it happen. That post worked because it was a topic everyone could contribute to – who can’t share a thought about his or her own name? You guys created that post, not me. If a blogger provides a topic and asks questions that spark conversation, the posts can take on a life of their own.

Blog about things that rub you wrong. One of the most popular posts I’ve written went up over three months ago, and it’s still being re-tweeted and re-linked even now. You ARE a real author, dammit was the result of several uncomfortable instances when I realized people treated me differently since I snagged a three-book deal. I sat down and thought about why it bothered me, and that post was born. Just be careful to keep ranting to a minimum. Well-measured pondering is thought provoking, but whining is just annoying.

Marinate. Some posts take awhile to gel in my brain. I have a folder containing a dozen half-written blog posts just waiting for something to click. If a post isn’t coming together for you, set it aside and come back later.

So how do you come up with subjects for your blog posts? What do you like to read about on other blogs?

Please discuss in the comments. I’ll be over here trying to teach Pythagoras to perform yoga poses in a wetsuit. I’m pretty sure it’ll make a great blog post.

I am NUMB with desire

When author pals release new books, I am delighted.

When author pals hold creative blog contests to support the aforementioned author pals releasing new books, I am downright orgasmic.

Thank you to Sean Ferrell and Harley May for making me all sweaty and breathless before breakfast this morning.

Sean's debut novel, NUMB, will be released by Harper Perennial next week.

In celebration of that, the foxy terrifying delightful Harley May is holding a contest in which one lucky winner will receive a signed copy of NUMB.

Harley May (the wench) has already had the pleasure of reading the book. In addition to gloating about it posting her review of it on her blog today, she's challenging readers to recreate scenes from NUMB.

Obviously I haven't yet read NUMB, and I'm declaring myself ineligible to win the contest since I was the victor in another recent contest held by Harley May.

Nevertheless, I couldn't resist the urge to play.

Behold, I give you my version of three scenes from NUMB:

Locked in a cage with a vicious lion.

Pythagoras volunteers to have a nail driven through his hand.

Who's that handsome man on fire?
(hint: his name starts with "Sean" and ends with "Ferrell")

Want to take a shot at the contest? Head over to Harley May's blog and learn all about it.

Or if you just can't wait to win it, go pre-order NUMB. Do it now.

Then go drive a nail through your hand and light yourself on fire.

Are you calling my name?

I know this will come as a shock, but Pythagoras is not my husband’s real name.

In fact, his first name is a fairly common one. At least once a week, we’ll be out somewhere and a stranger will call his name.

Somehow, Pythagoras always seems to know when he’s truly being summoned and when the stranger is shouting for someone else with the same name.

“Doesn’t that drive you nuts?” I asked once. “Having so many other people with your name?”

“Not really," he said. "It’s more like we’re all in a club.”

Personally, that would drive me batty. I’ve always liked the fact that I don’t have to share my name with many people. My mom came up with it by blending her best friend’s name (Tanna) and my grandmother’s name (Donna).

Though I’ve met the occasional “Tona” or “Tana” who pronounce their names the same way I do, I’ve only met one other “Tawna." She was working the cash register at a local bed and bath store, and I was inexplicably annoyed when I saw her nametag.

“Your name is Tawna?” I asked.

“That’s right.”

“That’s unfortunate,” I told her. “You’ll have to move. There’s only room for one of us in this town.”

I swear she knew I was joking, but when I returned to the store a month later and asked if Tawna was working, the clerk gave me a funny look. “She moved away.”

Like many authors, I use Google Alerts to notify me when my name is mentioned online. Any use of “Tawna Fenske” is me 100% of the time, which is a relief.

I always feel for authors like agency sistah Linda Grimes (who recently blogged about sharing a first and last name with a Justin Bieber fan) or author Sean Ferrell (who, it must be noted, uses the Twitter handle @byseanferrell and NOT @seanferrell – a handle claimed by an Episcopalian priest who’s probably making all kinds of interesting new friends in light of the amazing buzz surrounding author Sean Ferrell’s upcoming debut, NUMB).

When it comes to my first name, Google Alerts is seldom talking about me when it notifies me that “Tawna” has been mentioned online.

Apparently, there’s a Tawna who is a character in a video game, and another Tawna who is…well…I’m actually sure what she does, though she describes herself as working in the “entertainment business”

Does anyone else find this name thing fascinating? Is yours a common or uncommon name? How do you feel about that? If you’re an author, do you have any plans to use a pseudonym with your books?

Please share in the comments. I’ll be busy shouting “Pythagoras” at my husband to see if I can get him to turn around.