Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My husband doesn't bathe alone when I'm gone

Since I’m 3,000 miles from home at the moment, I called Pythagoras last night to check in.

“Something weird happened,” he informed me.

This is always my favorite entrée to conversation.

“I went for a long run and decided to take a bath,” he continued. “The Blue Cat was sitting on the bench while the tub filled, and Bindi was walking around the edge.”

I should stop here and note that the fact Pythagoras refers to “The Blue Cat” as though it’s his royal title instead of “Blue Cat,” which is our pet’s actual name, is one of many things I find adorable about my spouse.

I should also give you a couple visuals so this story makes more sense.

This is the bathtub with the small bench where Blue Cat likes to sit. When the water level rises, he usually gets annoyed and leaves before he gets wet. And these are the four-legged players in this little drama, Blue Cat and Bindi. If you aren't sure who's who, you might want to stop reading here.

All clear? Let’s continue.

So Pythagoras shucked his clothes (sorry, no photos) and lay down in the bath. The tub continued filling, the dog continued her circuit around the edge, and Blue Cat kept a wary eye on the proceedings.

Suddenly, the dog slipped.

“She started scrambling around, but couldn’t get a grip on anything,” Pythagoras said.

Down she went, splashing into the water as my husband dodged the flailing paws.

But his escape was short-lived.

“The dog panicked and lunged for the bench, probably thinking she could climb out there.”

It would have been a good plan if Blue Cat weren’t in the way. Before anyone could register what was happening, the dog slid back into the tub, dragging the cat with her.

This time, Pythagoras wasn’t so lucky.

“The cat landed on my chest, and the dog landed on top of the cat,” he said.

By then, no one was happy about being in the bathtub.

The whole time my husband was telling this story, I kept alternating between trying not to laugh while wondering whether he'd lost any important appendages in the melee.

“Are you OK?” I asked.

At least that’s what I tried to ask. I might have been laughing too hard to form the words.

“I’m fine,” he said. “The Blue Cat ran up my chest and into the closet. Bindi got out on her own, and I only got a few claw marks.”

“I’m sorry I missed it,” I said.

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“You would have blogged about it.”

Oh, I can still blog about it.

And better yet, I didn't have the misfortune of being in the bathtub with them. How’s that for a perk of solo travel?

44 comments :

Sheila Siler said...

What a delightful (though not for your hubby) story! I loved this telling of a slice of life. Thank you for sharing!

Bethany Mason said...

Fantastic story (though, as Sheila says, probably not for Pythagoras). It got me giggling and cheered up a likely depressing day.

lora96 said...

Hilarious! I love pet misadventure stories.

Your tub is beautiful...too bad it was the scene of an accident.

Sarah W said...

Oh, I can only imagine what was going through Blue Cat's head!

"Ha! Dogs are so clums---no, WAIT!"

Plus some strong language, I'm sure.

Janet Reid said...

I must protest, in the strongest possible terms, your cruelty to your (devoted!) readers in failing to include a photo of Pythagoras.

Becky Taylor said...

I love reading you first thing in the morning. It's always great to start the day with a laugh.

Linda G. said...

LOL! Poor Pythag. But, hey, as long as it happened, you may as well get some use out of it. You might even be able to work it into a book. ;)

Neurotic Workaholic said...

That's such a funny story. That's like something that would happen on a TV sitcom, and it's even funnier because it actually happened. And your pets are so cute. I love dogs. I wish I could say I love cats, too, but I'm allergic to them. I'm also terrified of them. (Nothing personal against your cat, it's more of a fear of all cats kind of thing.)

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Love your bath tub! And great photo of the Blue Cat and Bindi. I can imagine puss was very annoyed at getting wet, though the scene you set was hilarious. I'm not laughing, honest!

CJ xx

Matthew Rush said...

Wow. That sounds really painful.

I'm also a little disappointed that The Blue Cat wasn't the dog.

Michelle Wolfson said...

If I ever come visit you, I'm totally taking a bath in your tub. The Blue Cat and Bindi are definitely NOT invited. Pythagoras is probably not invited either. You're not invited either, but you may choose a nice bottle of wine for me to enjoy.
Thanks! See you soon.

Sierra said...

Reading this first thing in the morning was better than the cup of coffee I've been pondering. I'm glad I waited to get a drink, because otherwise I might have choked a bit. :D

Reminds me a little of the cat we had who only drank moving water. She fell into the (clean) toilet at least twice after learning to jiggle the handle.

lynnrush said...

Oh my word. That's freaking hilarious. Thanks for the smile as I head off to work. . . Have a great day!

Kristina said...

Now THAT was just the right amount of humor to start my day! :)

Danica Avet said...

I'm cracking up...so sorry Pythagoras!

I don't take a bath alone either, so I understand. Luckily for me, the cat only sits on the toilet lid or cabinet to watch me through the shower curtain and the dog will ball up the bathroom rug. Of course, the cat also likes to sit right next to me while I'm brushing my teeth as though she wants to make sure I clean them well. Maybe she was a dentist in a former life.

*still laughing* Ah, too funny!

kmullican said...

OMG I'm in stitches! Also the owner of cats & a dog the images were killing me!

Your poor husband. . .

and the kitty... still laughing because I have a maine coon and he reduces to 1/2 his normal size when wet.

Thank you for a great laugh!

Elizabeth Flora Ross said...

This is hilarious! I had tears I was laughing so hard. Your hubby is lucky he only ended up with a few scratches!

Fel said...

I so totally needed this today.

As a multi pet owner myself, I can totally relate. My boyfriend's ferret likes to cause mayhem and destruction in the bathroom while the human can't do anything about it. The cat perches herself on top of the ferret cage because she can keep an eye on the humans and be out of the range of most things that the ferret can do.

Thank you so much for the laugh.

Kate said...

Oh I needed a laugh this morning, that was just way too funny....

Heather Hellmann said...

I laughed so hard while reading this! Your poor husband.

Regina said...

I would have thought there would have been more damage. Thank goodness The Blue Cat spared his life. I'm sorry you missed it, but glad everyone is fine. Poor little Bindi. What a traumatic experience, but noble escape.

Jen J. Danna said...

Oh man, that was hilarious. I think my lab mates thought I'd lost my mind because I was laughing so hard. You painted such a wonderful picture of the whole debacle. So glad for both of you that no appendages were lost! ;)

HowLynnTime said...

Ok but with that many claws, softened skin and heartbeats increasing in such events, you must thank your lucky stars that he didn't snork a teaspoon of water, or bleed out from the little claw crews severing an eyeball...lol. Maybe this is a lesson for him to remain stinky unless his guardian angel has time for his sudsy antics. Thank goodness he didn't stand up while being claw fodder and slip. Your next book might be....
Tragic Bubbles -- declawing the myth of pets being your best friend!
LOL thank you for sharing...toooo funny!

Patty Blount said...

I have a scar across my right boob (heh) from a similar ordeal that dates back to my teen years when our psycho cat "Friskie", who LOVED the water, decided to dive bomb me from the bathroom sink while I soaked in a bath.

terripatrick said...

I guess Pythagoras will only take showers when you're gone now.
I also agree with Janet.

inkgrrl said...

OMG that's hilarious! Also, Poor Pythagoras and fuzzy butts!

Very glad all of them and their important appendages are ok ;-)

Jason said...

Sorry Pythagoras, but this is funny. :) Because, well, it happened to someone else.

Also explains why we don't use the tub and why the bathroom door gets latched.

If this had been one of my cats, there would have been a ton of blood and probably a hospital visit for stitches.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Bwahahahahahahaaa!
Where's those armed and ready YouTube filmers when you need them?

Sidney Ayers said...

OMG! Too funny! My cat isn't near brave enough to even sit on the ledge of the tub. He's probably still traumatized from the time he decided to jump on me and my bubbles.

Bummer about no photos of Pythagoras. *sighs*

Yelena Casale said...

This story made my day, I'm trying not to laugh so people in my office don't think I'm crazy. Thanks for sharing!

Tawna Fenske said...

So glad you guys enjoyed the story :)

I talked to Pythagoras this morning after the blog post went up. He doesn't generally read my blog, but I figured I should warn him I'd written about this. "I knew you would," he said. He actually sounded kind of proud. He knows me well.

Thanks for reading, guys!
Tawna

Lindsay said...

Hilarious!

Kimberly Sabatini said...

OMG!!! I needed that!

Matthew Rush said...

As the only dude who made it here today, please tell Pyth I feel his pain and promise him a one-armed homie hug should we ever meet.

Julia King said...

That was quite possibly the most funniest thing I've heard all week. The G-rated mental picture of the bathtastic event was priceless. You should put that in a book or something. Thanks!

Caro said...

Oh, this made me laugh -- though my husband would sympathize with yours. Two years ago, I ran away to London for a week, staying with a friend while doing research, wandering about the city and seeing some marvelous shows.

At the time, we had just acquired a small white fluffy kitten, who apparently snuggled up to him each night when I was gone. This was lovely -- until the moment the kitten attacked his armpit while he was sleeping.

Yes, I laughed over the email that described the incident, with certain parts typed in all caps. My friend asked what was so funny -- and laughed hysterically when I told her.

German Chocolate Betty said...

What a hoot! (I, too, love your tub...)

I have a dog and a cat, who play together quite well. Cat likes to taunt Dog, who then licks her, chases her whatever. After initiating, the cat sometimes decides that it's enough. Playing tag, one way to get away from the dog is to jump in the tub, which is really cool, because the dog hangs over the edge (too small to get in), while the cat rolls around and laughs at her.

Except once, of course, after I had just filled the tub... Cat skidded around the corner, hopped into the tub and got the surprise of her life!

grace said...

my favorite line in this post:

"By then, no one was happy about being in the bathtub."

Lisa Potts said...

That IS quite a perk of solo traveling. Hilarious!

Lucky for both of you his chest was the only thing injured!

Susan S said...

Oh the joys of a spouse who understands us!

Best line here: "You would have blogged about it."

He understands you! He really understands you!

Ironically, my husband would have said the same thing - and he, too, would have been right.

Awesome post.

Faith said...

This is me, laughing hysterically... oh my goodness... I'm glad everyone survived, limbs intact (if not their pride).

Austin Girl said...

Delightfully funny story! I've added you to my blogroll, and looking forward to your book. Enjoy following you on Twitter.

RobynBradley said...

Love it. I think my cat would shoot me if this happened to him, however.

Tabitha said...

I just started following your blog - like two minutes ago - and I laughed so hard at this story I spit coffee out my mouth. Hilarious!