Monday, December 2, 2013

Why you can't take a romantic comedy author anywhere (including a bookstore)


The good folks at Paulina Springs Bookstore invited me to participate in an event called Indies First in which respected authors spend November 30 promoting their favorite titles by playing bookseller for the day at independent bookstores nationwide.

I looked around for a respected author, and then tried to remember the difference between respected and respectable and disreputable, and then decided they all meant the same thing.

"Count me in," I said, and gave them a list of a dozen books and authors to have on-hand for me to peddle.

I arrived at the bookstore just before noon and posed for photos like a respectable author.

Hooray for independent bookstores!

Then I got to work setting up my display of books. I was excited to talk about my favorite titles, and promote all aspects of romance, comedy, and everything in between.

Doing some well-deserved pimping for my critique partner, Linda Grimes, and her awesome book In a Fix and the orangutan-centric follow-up, Quick Fix.

Right off the bat, I noticed two important things. The first is the bane of existence for all busty women forced to wear sticky name-tags. Within five minutes, the tag curls up like a dead bug and refuses to stay put no matter how many attempts you make at smoothing it out so you look like a respectable person.

Damn you, sticky name-tag and your curly edges.

And then you realize you don't look very respectable repeatedly rubbing your hand over your boob in an effort to straighten the name-tag.

The second thing I noticed is that my station was smack-dab in the middle of the children's section.


 Coupled with the aforementioned name-tag issue, this meant I found myself spending the better part of an afternoon groping my boob while surrounded by kids and their understandably leery parents.

As if it weren't weird enough to put an author of risque romantic comedy in the kids' aisle, my vantage-point staring straight out from that section gave me a clear view of the self-help shelves.

Right in my line of sight for the entire afternoon was this title:


Is it just me, or does that title just leap out at you?

So now we have an oversexed romantic comedy author staring out from the children's aisle at a book about learning to want more sex. Does anyone see a problem here?

Naturally, my mind began to wander...


I can't be the only one who thinks this sounds deliciously filthy.


Is it just me, or does this look like the setup for a deranged animal orgy?

I'm not saying I do or don't own an adult video with one of these titles. Okay, maybe that is what I'm saying. Suffice it to say, it was alarming to glance up and see these titles shouting at me like urgent commands.
Is it okay to buy touch and feel stroller cards if I don't own an infant?


In the end, the event was fairly successful. As is often the case when I do author events in bookstores, I probably spent more acquiring new books than I did selling my own. Isn't that what it's all about?

Well, that and patting the bunny.


8 comments :

Stephsco said...

Haha... Oh this whole post made me laugh. I've been to a lot of author events at my local indie and since it is crammed right in the middle of the bookstore, I often find myself staring at weirdly incompatible book titles than what the author is speaking about. Too bad you couldn't have been placed in the romance section... ahh, indies. Gotta love them!

Neurotic Workaholic said...

Hahaha funny post! I'll never look at those book titles in the same way again.

Skye said...

Um, wow. I hadn't really considered how risque many children's book titles are. I love kids' books; now I'll be looking at the titles with a new perspective. Thanks for that. No, really. ;)

Glad you had a good event and enjoyed yourself! It's a blessing to be self-entertaining!

Linda G. said...

ROF,L! Only you could make the children's section of the book store so very, very naughty. Love it!

Thanks again for pimping me! :D

Angel Nicholas said...

You clearly had no trouble entertaining yourself while pimping...I mean, promoting your favorite books. No doubt you went home with oodles of salacious ideas for your next book. Writers get their ideas everywhere, right? Just don't mention you find them in the children's section during your next interview. I can't see that going over well. ;)

Lori said...

OMG - this made me laugh out loud (which isn't a good thing when I work in a conservative office and I'm supposed to be, well, working. I'm definitely counting this as break time this afternoon.)

I will never look at the children's section in the same way again. :)

Kellysterhabit said...

I lost it when I saw the picture of "The Going to Bed Book" because that's part of my lead teacher's curriculum for our toddlers and she is still wondering why I am snickering when I (her assistant) see it displayed on the bookshelf.

Patrick Alan said...

I'll say what no one else is saying - thanks for the boob close-up.

BTW is that a boob-selfie? Let's make that a trend for 2014.