Matt the Cat picks blog contest winner

Pythagoras has today off in celebration of Dyngus Day.

I don’t know what that means either, except that my trusty spouse/research assistant was available to help with a very important task.

“Hey Pythagoras,” I said this morning. “Can I get your help today?”

He sighed. “Where are we having fake sex this time?”

“No, it’s not that at all,” I assured him. “Today we’re going to pick a winner for the blog contest I held last week.”

He was visibly relieved. “That sounds easy enough.”

I didn’t say anything. He stared at me for a few beats, waiting for me to reassure him the task was indeed quite simple.

“Well, I had this idea…”

He covered his face with his hands, knowing these words seldom bode well for him.

“OK, you know how Matt the Cat loves to fetch little pieces of rolled up paper?” I prompted. “See, I was thinking I could write all the contenders’ names on little pieces of paper – one for each entry they earned – and then we’d throw them down the hall and whoever Matt picks up first will be declared the winner.”

My husband looked at me and shook his head. “Can’t we just draw a name out of a hat like normal people?”

“Normal?” I asked, infusing the two syllables with enough disgust to imply this was my idea of a curse word.

He sighed again. “Right. I’ll go get the paper.”

So here’s how things unfolded:

First I prepared the entries, taking note of how many each contender earned.

Next I explained the rules of the game to Matt the Cat.

Then I tossed all the entries across the bridge that spans the second floor of our house.

Matt enjoyed knocking a few entries off the bridge to disqualify them.

Then he got serious and picked a winner.

Unfortunately, he ran out the cat door with the winner in his mouth.

This unexpected turn of events forced us to gather up all the entries (including the ones knocked off the bridge) and use the process of elimination to determine who was missing.

This is about the time I think Pythagoras began to seriously consider running away from home.

But we persevered, and a winner was selected. Drumroll, please...

Congratulations to Candace Ganger, aka. Candyland, aspiring YA author and creator of the hilariously funny blog  The Misadventures of Candyland.

Candace, you've won a custom, hand-carved wine bottle stopper. Though you may select any shape you wish, be sure to take a look at the blog entry that inspired this contest to see one highly desirable option.

Thanks so much to everyone who participated by citing your favorite blog entries, making suggestions for future posts, and helping promote this contest on your blogs, Facebook, and Twitter. Your support was outstanding, and I wish I had a phallic wine stopper to offer everyone.

But right now I have to make a call to the White House. I think I've stumbled upon a great way to settle all future presidential elections.