Monday, September 6, 2010

And the winner is...

You guys really outdid yourselves in the latest What the @#$% is that? contest. Seriously, I peed down my leg laughing at some of your guesses.

In case you're just tuning in, here's how the game is played: my absentminded husband leaves mystery objects lying around. I post a picture, and you guys try to guess what it is.

As I shared on Friday, this is what I found sitting on top of his toolbox:
Many of you correctly guessed those are dusters, though the mystery is clearly why Pythagoras would have 60 of them strung together thusly.

Much as I enjoy the idea that it might be some sort of sex toy, it's nothing that exciting (well, it kind of is for Pythagoras).

The dusters are actually a common training tool for slalom ski racing. No, really.

Slalom racing requires the skier to slam his or her body into a plastic gate at a high rate of speed. As you can imagine, many newer racers find this rather daunting.

The dusters, however, are not daunting. The dusters are fun, and a good way to train racers to ski the correct tactic, timing, and line without sustaining bodily harm.

They really need to develop something like that for new writers.

So now that you know the story behind the mystery object, it's time to pick a winner. The process involved collecting a large quantity of sticks on a recent hike.

Then I wrote names on the sticks.

Wow. That picture looks weird. Those are my legs, I swear – I wasn't holding the stick with my boobs (though come to think of it, that would be a good trick).

Anyway, you'll have to watch the video to find out the rest of what happened. You may have to turn up your volume to hear, since I live in the windiest freakin' place in the entire state of Oregon. Alternately, you can watch it right on You Tube since I hear the quality is better that way.

So there you have it. Congratulations to Simon C. Larter. Email me to let me know what size It's Willamette, Dammit shirt you'd like and where I should send it.

Thanks for playing, everyone!


Claire Dawn said...

I thought for a sec he wasn't going to bring it back. lol.

Congrat's Simon.

Patrick Alan said...

The second place winner looks like it was going to take much longer to pick...

Linda G. said...

So, what happened? Did you forget to coat my stick with bacon grease?

(Whoa. If I were a guy, that might've sounded dirty. Good thing I'm not.)

Congrats to Simon! :)

Patty Blount said...


Sierra Godfrey said...

Well, I can't congratulate Simon as it's in my contract as his nemesis not to, but congrats to Ozzie for a job well done for an old dog!

Sharon Axline said...

Way to go Ozzie! And Congrats Simon!

Steph Schmidt said...

I wonder what the neighbor's will say finding the sticks with names written all over them lol.

Harley May said...

UGH! *throws stuff on the floor* I never win. Your animals hate me.

Congrats to Simon and blah blah blah.

Tom M Franklin said...

okay, so I still have no idea what the 60 dusters have to do with slalom skiing. unless Pythagoras is about one foot tall, you can't ski into a duster. do people stand on the slope and smack him on his way downhill like some bizarre fratboy hazing ritual?

the duster hula skirt makes much more sense...albeit strange sense.

-- Tom

Anonymous said...

Bahahaahaaaa! That's the first time I've ever won anything via doggy selection. Thanks, Ozzie!

Though now I'm envisioning those sticks washing up on the shore of the pond in a few days, and someone picking them up, going, "Who the hell is Harley May?"

Actually, that might be a fun promotional tactic, now I think of it. Marketing via message in a bottle...?



Claire Dawn, I worried about the same thing! Fortunately, he doesn't run too fast anymore, so I figured I could catch him.

Patrick, yeah, it's tough to fetch when you can't see :)

Linda G, alas, I coated neither your stick nor your balls (from the last contest) in bacon grease.

Patty, I'm kind of glad poor Ozzy can't hear us all laughing. He might be embarrassed.

Sierra, he does still love swimming and fetching (in case people think I'm just being mean to a decrepit old man dog). It's just a bit tougher now.

Sharon, I gave him lots of dog biscuits afterward! Er, Ozzy -- not Simon.

SM Schmidt, yeah, I wondered the same thing. On the bright side, it's a pond where it's notoriously difficult to find good fetching sticks, so I'm sure people will appreciate it!

Harley May, I wasn't going to tell you, but you're right -- my animals DO hate you.

Tom, LOL, that's the whole idea -- that the dusters are a foot tall, whereas the regular gates are more like 7 feet tall. Pythag is a coach (sorry, I just assume people know's not his full-time profession, but he's done it for 20+ years). The object of the training is to teach newer racers to run a course properly without the threat of getting smacked in the face by a giant hunk of plastic. That's why a lot of coaches start kids off with the dusters in place of the regular gates. You really have to throw your body into those gates, and it's easier to learn to do that when you aren't getting hit every single time you do it. Incidentally, this is why racers wear pads on their forearms and shins. You should see the bruises Pythag comes home with when he's run a regular course without the pads.

Simon, congratulations! You know what's funny? After the filming, we walked Ozzy around for 10 minutes and then I went back to collect any sticks that had drifted ashore. The very first one I grabbed was the one with your name on it. Clearly, you were meant to win!

Thanks for reading, guys!

Elizabeth Ryann said...

This was awesome, as usual. Congrats to Simon and Ozzy!

I'm assuming now that Matt the Cat, Bindy, and Ozzy have had a turn, next up is your other kitty?

Ricky Bush said...

Augie the doggie---gotta love it. Glad that he was wise enough to just wade out without wasting energy swimming.

Unknown said...

Nice. I love the doggy selection. But what will you do next contest? Can Matt the Cat be purr-suaded to help?

Congrats, Simon.

Elizabeth Flora Ross said...

Yay Ozzy! What a great dog! This reminded me of my sweet baby girl Sadie. She had every single condition you listed. But she kept on truckin', and lived a long and very good life!

Deborah Small said...

Too cute! Congratulations, Simon. :)


Barbara Battaglia said...

congrats Simon!Good job ozzy


Elizabeth Ryann, Bindi had her turn on the last round, and Matt did the very first one, but Blue Cat and Ivy still need turns. Ivy has no discernible talent, but I have an idea for Blue Cat. Oh, here are the links to the other pets' posts, by the way:

Bindi picks:

Matt the Cat picks:

Ricky, I do like the name Augie the Doggie, but our guy is Ozzy. It's what they named him at the pound (a common nickname for Australian Shepherds) so it stuck.

Jeannie, see above for my link to the time Matt picked the winner. He was actually my very first, but it was quite awhile ago. I think Blue Cat is next up on deck :)

Elizabeth Flora Ross, I honestly can't believe Ozzy is still with us. He's been on death's doorstep so many times that we've been prepared for him to go for several years.

Deborah, he's definitely a great dog! Ozzy, too.

Barbara, Oz is very proud of himself. He says he liked the name Simon.

Thanks for reading, guys!

Deborah Blake said...

I love the way you chose a winner :-) Very Betty of you!

Unknown said...

Wow! I enjoyed this! :D I can't wait for the next one! :D :) :D