Friday, October 28, 2011

Please pee so I'll know if you're sexy

I'm cat-sitting for a friend this week, a task you may be surprised to learn does not involve sitting on any cats.

Once I'd extracted the claws from my butt cheeks, I snooped through drawers for porn had a look around the house to ensure a safe environment for my feline wards. After awhile, one of the cats alerted me that he had a book recommendation to share:
Right at that moment, I'm pretty sure the cat was thinking, "I'm going to chew off your eyelids if you don't fill my food dish right now, bitch."

Intrigued, I picked up the book and began to skim. Before long, I came upon a fascinating passage:

So let me get this straight – female cats sniff a male cat's urine to figure out what he ate, and knowing what he ate alerts them whether he'd be good candidate for playing hide the salami? (Or maybe "hide the Vienna sausage – they're cats, after all).

This is brilliant. So brilliant, I think I need to incorporate it somehow into the "meet cute" in my next romantic comedy. Why don't humans have something like this?

On second thought, maybe we do. Certainly I've found myself drawn to someone for reasons that might seem odd on the surface. I'm a sucker for great hands. BIG hands. Let's not dwell too long on the reasons I've developed this particular fetish, but suffice it to say, it's probably more than a desire to watch someone palm a basketball.

I once developed a mad crush on a boy in grade school based solely on the intricate doodles he created on the cover of his notebook. Never mind that we never spoke a word to each other – surely those doodles signified we were meant to be together forever and ever (or at least until recess).

What's the oddest reason you've ever found yourself feeling smitten with another person? How did it turn out in the end? Please share!

Unless it involves sniffing pee to determine what someone ate for dinner. I think I'm OK without knowing the details of that.


T. said...

No, that would be a 'meat cute'.

Author R. Mac Wheeler said...

Reading your posts first thing is way better than swallowing [that'll give you an idea for a post] a frog.


Sarah W said...

I once fell in insta-love during a lecture at college, with the broad shoulders of this guy sitting two rows ahead of me. I don't think I paid any attention to the lecturer at all during the first hour.

During the break, the owner of the shoulders turned around, and I realized I not only knew this guy, but couldn't stand him.

And no, I didn't change my mind after that---I just mourned that a misogynistic idiot like him had shoulders like that . . .

Moral (ha!) of the story---shoulders do not the man make. Stick with the urine sniffing and the background checks.

Anne Gallagher said...

I'm a sucker for good hands too. And if he plays a musical instrument, I'm a gonner.

Who knew about cats?

Patty Blount said...

When I was about 12 or 13, I fell madly in love with the boy who sat in front of me because he had great lips.

The rest of him... not so great.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine confided in me that she likes men with a lot of acne. Her reasoning is that she thinks acne in grown men is a sign of overproduction of testosterone which probably indicates that a certain part of their anatomy is supersized.
I kid you not.
(Blogger is trying to make me masquerqade for Halloween but it's really me, Judy, Judy, Judy.)

Danica Avet said...

I like noses. I have no idea why. I tend to ogle men who have long, straight noses, or slightly hooked noses, or just interesting noses. I guess it has to be because I have such a boring nose when everyone else in my family has great, distinguished noses. So that's what I look for in a man...strangely enough. I guess this means I'm trying to make sure any kids I have have great noses they won't be ashamed of. *snort*

Skye said...

I love great hands, too. I like strong-looking hands. I once was very turned off by a guy with pale hands and long fingers because they looked so weak and just creepy. A girlfriend of mine, however, liked his hands and took him on.

I also look at hair. It's not that I like just one kind of hair, but some hair and hairstyles seem to trigger my sense of aesthetic pleasure.

After that, if I get close enough to them, then it's scent. It's that chemistry thing: if a guy smells good to me (not with cologne or anything), then he's almost irresistible. However, if he just doesn't smell great to me, it doesn't really matter how fab he is. Chemistry, chemistry, pheromones.

Elizabeth Poole said...

I have a back fetish. If a man has a sexy back, that's it for me. One time as a teenager I was walking to my car at a water park. Ahead of me, two lifeguards facing away from me leaning over at the same time to pick up a cooler. I could see their muscles ripple as they picked up the cooler. All sensible thought left my brain and I stared.

I never saw either of them from the front, but that didn't matter.

A another thing that's hard to explain is a guy's charisma. Some men just have this presence about them. I know it's partially pheromones, but some guys have loads of charisma and I can tell just by seeing them on TV. The way they talk, the way they carry themselves, the way they smile. A lot of lead singers ooze charisma, which has lead to many a celebrity crush, even on people that were not physically attractive at all.

But when they're belting out tunes on stage? *SWOON*

Incidentally, that's one of the reasons why I liked Alex in Making Waves so much. I don't know if you meant for him to be charismatic or not, but I certainly thought he was based on his witty banter, the way he treated the other ex-employees, and of course the way he treated Julie. :D

Tina Moss said...

I've got a thing for broad shoulders. My hubs is skinny as can be, but he has broad shoulders that make his frame larger, so... Yeah, I have no idea what this says about me, but there it is. ;)

Anonymous said...

Nothing special or unique about mine. I like a crooked smile. I melt every time I see it. My husband has one that shows up randomly and I just go gaga over it. Funny part is he has no idea how to do it on command so I feel like I am constantly hunting. Wait and pounce lol

Patrick Alan said...

You like big hands that you can use as a handbra. Duh.

I like red heads. I mean REALLY like red heads. And I am not Irish, despite my first name.

SofieSaid said...

I heart boys with big ears.

It started with a middle-schooler named Troy...who grew into a high school "man" with amazing quadriceps. And abs. And smile. And biceps. And many other parts (or so I hoped/fantasized about).

To this day, whenever I pass a handsome big-eared dude on the street, I assume he's got an amazing body hiding under his clothes.

(Thanks, Troy, wherever you are. You still totally make my day on a regular basis.)

Neurotic Workaholic said...

I like it when guys know how to put on just the right amount of cologne, and also when they put on cologne that doesn't belong to their grandfather.
I once developed a crush on a guy because of his writing. He was so funny, honest, and neurotic in his writing; that just made him very attractive.

E.Maree said...

My teenage self fell in love with a guy because he resembled my favourite rock singer/songwriter (in the dark, in the rain). In the daylight the resemblance was... not so great... and that relationship went downhill from there.

Pat Hatt said...

I'm just weird altogether some sure it's a number of things, but can't say I ever smelled pee, that is just nasty.

Stephsco said...

A guy driving a stick shift car is sexy. Something about the shifting, I don't know.

The Merry said...

Well, a man who can shift for himself is not to be scoffed at, that's for sure.
Hands down, big hands. And the smile. Noses are important too.

Stobby said...

Uh...I prefer to sniff their breath to determine compatibility.

Anonymous said...

That only works if asparagus is on the menu.