Friday, April 6, 2012

Conversations from the household of perverts.

I walked out to the garage the other day and discovered both housemates in the process of repairing a motorcycle.

Housemate 1: That's not gonna be long enough.

Housemate 2: Want me to use my hand?

Housemate 1: Never mind, I got it in.


I was driving around with my gentleman friend when I remembered it's time to remove the snow tires.

"I need to get these studs off," I said.

He laughed. "I hear you're pretty good at that."


I walked out of office my last weekend and found the housemates sprawled in the living room watching a documentary about beavers. I stood there for a minute and listened, waiting for the dirty jokes or the eruptions of laughter. Nothing. I finally lost it when the announcer declared, "the beaver is stockpiling wood."

Both housemates turned and looked at me. "We had a bet how long that would take you," one said. "I won."


I appreciate that my tax software gives me the option to enter myself, but shouldn't that wait until after I've finished the taxes?

So what's making YOU laugh these days? Please share!


Sierra said...

My guy turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. His best friend brought him a Tinkerbell gift bag, a "Get Well Soon" mylar balloon, and a Bar Mitzvah card with a note wishing him the "best second quinceañera ever." (This tells you soo much about their friendship.)

I tied one of the cat toys to the string of the balloon, and our male cat has spent the last two weeks batting it around or grabbing the string between his teeth and parading through the apartment. It's pretty darn funny.

I also discovered yesterday that that same friend had put googly eyes on one of the seatbelt thingies in my car. So now every time I back out of a spot, I see that and start cracking up. :D


Sierra, I really want to meet that guy! Thanks for the laughs!


Unknown said...

My friends and family have had great fun laughing at all the comments that have slipped out of me regarding having a (horse) bite in my ass (technically high on the back of my thigh). Stuff like "it hurts sitting on it"...

I really need to beware of the innuendos in what I say but I notice them so rarely.

Julie Glover said...

I had to come back and post what my husband's cell phone autocorrect did. He was texting our son's baseball coach about changing a lesson time and tried to ask, "Do you have anything open then?" The phone changed it to "Do you have anything porno then?"

He immediately sent a follow-up text explaining that the autocorrect had messed up, to which the coach responded: "I'm glad you sent that last text. I was beginning to wonder."