Monday, April 30, 2012

Write a fake word short story, win a signed book!

Reading your comments in last week's post about favorite fake words was some of the most fun I've ever had with all my clothes on.

Choosing a winner was no small feat, but in the end, I think I'm most smitten with the following entry from reader J.R.Mann:

Bitchtits: 1) A name you can only call your best friend because anyone else wouldn't get it. 2) Obscenity you yell. Example 1) "Hey bitchtits, what are you doing this weekend?" 2) "Bitchtits! You just dropped fifty pounds on my toe!" 

I adore that word in ways I can't possibly describe, and intend to integrate it into everyday conversation with all my best friends (most of whom I affectionately refer to as, "beyotch.")

Why stop there with the fun? I still have another copy Believe it or Not, and I'd kinda like to keep the fake word thing going a little while longer.

Below is a list of all the fake words you guys used in the comments last week. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a 100-word short story using a minimum of five words from the list. You get an extra point for each word you use beyond that.

Entries will be judged on points, creativity, humor, and the unexplainable whims of a romance author. I'll narrow the field to five finalists and commence a round of reader voting like we did in the caption contest a few weeks ago.

Winner gets a signed copy of Believe it or Not and the admiration of all your peers (and J.R. Mann, shoot me an email at tawnafenske at yahoo dot com to claim your signed copy for the addition of Bitchtits).

Leave your 100-word short story in the comments, and I'll review them at 5 p.m. PST on Wednesday, May 2. Finalists will be posted on Thursday, with reader voting to commence after that. Questions? Leave those in the comments, too!

Now here are your words:

Tweedlefuck: Exclamation used in angry moments such as road rage.
Squeeeeee: Expression of extreme excitement.
Wackadoo: Crazy.
Glomp: No definition provided for this one, so make up your own!
Angstian: Defined by angst (i.e. angstian poetry).
Whatchamathingy, do-jobber, and/or thingamabob: Terms used when the actual name of something is unknown.
Conversating: The act of having a conversation.
Fantabulous: Combination of fabulous and fantastic. Replaces awesome as a word describing something totally wonderful and hard to believe.
Diangulate: To position yourself diagonally on a bed so as to make it impossible for others to join you. Usually occurs at midnight when you get up to go to the bathroom (peepulate) and come back to find the husband has repositioned.
Gregacious: Someone who is enthusiastic, energetic, and sociable (particularly women).
Sherpa: (verb) To carry a large amount of stuff from the car to the house. Example: honey, would you Sherpa the groceries and I’ll grab the cat litter?
Squoze: Past tense of squeeze.
WTFery: Events, occurrences, or individuals prompting a general response of disbelief.
Infinimore: More than infinity. Example: I love you infinimore.
Glup: Combination of glass and cup.
Amazeballs: Something beyond amazing.
Pompitude: A pompous attitude.
Grunion: Green onion.
Medimathical: No definition provided for this one, so make up your own!
Mudderfugger: Curseword that’s not quite a curseword.
Fictzophrenic: A person who hears the voices of their characters and then writes about them. In other words, a writer of fiction.
Douchewaffle: An unpleasant person.
Qua-Nong (alt. Cue-nong): Derived from the sound effect that occurs when something dramatic or surprising occurs on classic episodes of Star Trek. Example: “The bathroom door wasn't locked, and I ended up walking in on someone! Qua-nong!"
Kirchkening: The sound representing teeth chattering resulting from fear or cold.

And of course, the aforementioned Bitchtits. Now go forth and create! 


Deborah Blake said...

Ha! Sorry I missed this. My favorite made up word (made up accidentally by moi, of course) is "profuctive."

As in, my started out productive, then got f*ucked. So my day was truly profuctive.

You're welcome :-)

Wildcats Wife said...

Carrie Crain

1973. THE YEAR OF DISCO. At twenty-eight, I was the first female rookie agent for the FBI in D.C. and when you’re a promptitude cowgirl from Texas who handles a Thompson Machine Gun better than her male counterparts, life at the Bureau wasn’t amazeballs.

Jack Justice squozed a “pink slip” in my hand. Jack had been with the Bureau since the Hoover administration. He knew the routine: let the last one who received a raise go first. FBI referred to it as ‘taking the hit.’

“Sorry, bitchtits. Life sucks,” he said.

I kicked his shin. “Life sucks, douchewaffle,” I said.

Joy Keeney said...

The Fictzophrenic Writer
By Joy Keeney

“Ah tweedlefuck, I’ll go wackadoo if I don’t get thingamabob edited.” she said pouring another clup of glomp. She was determined to make this book fantabulous; the gregacious book club would be conversating about it for infinimore yes this book would be amazeballs.
“I’ll show that douchewaffle I can write and what I think of her pompitude.” She said reaching for the bottle…it was her 5th clup this morning. The more she drank the more medimathical she wrote and her typing sounded like kirchkening.
3 hours later…squeeee mudderfugger this story is done!

Ashton said...

Just for the squeee of it...

“Wait till you get a load of this wtfery. I was sitting there conversating happily with Angie, and snap, in a second, she goes from gregacious to all angstian. She just glomps on to me, and I'm like, you want me to sherpa your emo, bitchtits? Amazeballs. I managed un-squoze myself and got the hell away from her kirchkening.”

“So you were just like, ‘II’ll be over here, being a douchewaffle? I can’t believe you would do that! Angie loves you infinimore! That’s fantabulous, Mudderfugger.”

“Tweedlefuck! You guys are all wackadoo. I’m leaving.”

Louise Delamore said...

“Tweedlefuck!” The exclamation didn’t make me feel any better.

I’d been waiting in this totally not-fantabulous weather for Prince Charming, my teeth were kirchening and I’d had enough. As I turned to go a whatchamathingy arrived. My frozen brain searched... that’s right, limousine. PC stepped out, looking totally amazaballs.

“Sorry I’m late, my sweet fictophrenic, traffic was a mudderfugger.” Oblivious to the weather, his gaze only on me, he added, “I love you infinimore. Will you marry me?”


“Squeeeee!” Nothing like a proposal to make me forget my glomp. “Absomondo, I will.”

The kiss that followed was stupendalicious.

Had to add a ciuple of my own fake words :)

Gypmar said...

Conversating! I had a friend who used that word for real, and it took every ounce of my self-control not to react. She had a real gift for malapropism.

J Sofie Seamands said...






His foot hit metal, and the hoe’s handle popped up to meet his third eye.

Holding his head, his vision fogged. His body stiffened as he let out a grunt. After pausing a few seconds to catch his breath, he stepped around the planter boxes.

Granted, slinking out - err - leaving - in the dark wasn’t his best move. But seriously. What’s a guy to do when a “lady’s” so free with fluffs, frequent with the squeeees, and hard with the diangulation?

Girls just don’t get it: if you can’t sleep with ‘em, you’ll never stay over.

PDoyle said...

The Mystery of the Angstian Fictzophrenic Woman
Phillip Doyle

My gregacious secretary make a loud “Squeeeeee” just before she busted into my office “Speed! We gotta a new client in da awfice – ain’t that just fantabulous?” “Easy Bitchtits, I gotta meets da mudderfugger whatchamathingy and makes sure they’re not some wackadoo douchewaffle.” “Tweedlefuck!!” I said to myself when she entered. She was not the kind you would toss outta the sack for Diangulating while you left to peepulate. She was a bit pompitude certainly, but the way she had her thingamabobs squoze in that dress they looked like two grunions ripe for the picking! “I’m Speed Walker – Private Medimathical.”