It's official: You guys are sick puppies

So I'm wondering how disturbed we should all be by the fact that my contest for a copy of  Believe it or Not that's been peed on by my cat turned out to be one of the most popular book giveaways I've ever done.

You guys are sick.

Which is generally a compliment around here, so congratulations.

There were a lot of fun reader comments suggesting alternate theories for who peed on the book, and making pleas to receive this fine treasure.

Among my favorites:

Bryan Thomas wrote:

Well Maestro looks not only guilty but freaking proud, so I'm going with him. Plus, you know, he's male, so maybe he just didn't go for the romance thing. As for why I deserve it, well, for one, a signed cat peed copy has to be worth something some day, right, and even though I already bought the book, my copy will not help my dogs with their nostalgic missing of our cat who is no longer with us. This way, when they miss the cat, they can smell the book. I won't smell it, but I'll read it and keep it in a place of honor with other pet critiqued books...

 

Karen Lawson wrote:

I entered every give away I could for this book when it first came out and never won it. So, I hesitate to enter, knowing this could be the one I win..... But, Maestro looks guilty, so I'm going with him. As to why I deserve to win - well, I always knew your book was never a piece of shit, so at least the peed version could be worse.... 

Melissa Landers wrote:

None of the above.

I think your Gentleman Friend is the culprit! Perhaps all your romance writing has brought out the alpha male in him, and he felt the uncontrollable urge to mark his territory.

::shifts a sideways glance at Tawna's gentleman friend:: 

Michele Shaw wrote

Matt the cat looks way guilty to me. It's the eyes. I need this copy because I'm sure some day there will be a museum of some kind for items like this, and then I can be one of those old ladies who is so foo-foo she goes around donating quirky, yet outrageoulsy valuable, items to museums! And, yeah, want the signed copy cuz, ya know, sounds too cool.

I adore all of those responses, and wish I had a peed-on book to offer every one of you. But the response I loved most for the sheer imagination required to construct it is this one:

Aurelia Blue wrote

Here's what happened. One (or both) housemates left a dirty sock lying about. Of course he's calling it, "hey, I just took them off to watch TV because that's a given when dudes watch TV. I was totally going to put it back on, but then I forgot, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway because it just disappeared."

Maestro took it because he is your gentleman friend's favorite and thus must reject all other male human presences in your home. He must also reject any object or being that interferes with his time with you, other than of course his special pal, your gentleman friend. But this would include things like books you spent months writing and other cats posing as your pet. I say posing, because he knows HE's your only real pet. So he put the stinky sock in the box and sat back and watched those other two poseur cat pets sniff about. Then he told them it's the new litter box and they laughed. So he took a massive pee on the book and sock not only to show them it was true, but also to count coup on your gentleman friend’s possible rival(s), the housemate(s), but also to give you a little “what for” about spending so much time in front of that blasted keyboard when you could have been petting him. Peeing also demonstrates alpha dominance, so of course Matt the Cat and Blue cat had to whip it out and show their manliness, hence the peed upon book which wasn’t peed on just one of them, therefore none of them, are to blame. The sock is probably buried in the litter box. I can almost guarantee it. A special little “f-you” for the housemate leaving his stench on Alpha Maestro's beautiful den floor. Really this is a house and not a bear pit! ;)

Now as to why I deserve the precious pee book. I have four kids. Three of them started at three different schools this week. Their baby brother is inconsolable. The only respite I get beside the occasional writing day that my fairy-in-law-mother occasionally grants but then expects hard copies of my work for her inspection on completion of the day, is when I sit in a hot bath of rusty water (because my boyLovey forgot to buy softener salt again) soaking in some exotic blend of my best perfume and baby wash (because my daughters decided to make their own bubble bath and wasted all mine, and the perfume, in the effort). I actually tried to download Believe It Or Not last night on my e-reader as my one little guilty pleasure behind the bastion of the bathroom door and found I didn’t have enough money linked to my account to purchase it. Did I mention my special little toy also broke? So yeah, I’ll gladly read your pee copy. Wont bother me a bit. It’ll be right at home in my little world, you don‘t even have to waste a new on me. Although it would be cool to have your autograph on the pee one all the same. Thanks.

Wow. I almost wish I had two peed-on copies of Believe it or Not to offer Aurelia. But one will have to suffice (along with a non-pee copy that I'll happily sign for you). Shoot your snail mail address to me at tawnafenske at yahoo dot com and I'll get that in the mail right away.

Thanks so much to everyone who played. Doesn't it kinda feel like we should all take a shower now?

Er, maybe not together.