Sunday, May 2, 2010

What the @#$% is that? Tell me and WIN!

If there’s one thing every writer must do, it’s celebrate achievements. Cheer-worthy accomplishments can be anything from selling a novel to remembering to capitalize the first word in each sentence.

Since this blog marked its three-month anniversary over the weekend, I decided to celebrate by introducing a new feature called What the @#$% is that?

It’s a phrase I’ve found myself muttering a lot over the past 12 years, which – coincidentally – is how long I’ve been married to Pythagoras.

If you haven’t picked up on it in previous posts like this and this and this, Pythagoras marches to the beat of a different drummer. That’s a polite way of saying he’s a little wacky.

In a good way.

Being absentminded in addition to wacky, he has the tendency to leave things lying around the house. Unidentifiable things.

So to kick off this new feature, I’d like you to take a look at what I found on the coffee table this weekend:


Intriguing, is it not? And maybe just a little disturbing.

Tell me in the comments trail what you think it is. You can guess for real, or you can make up an amusing story. I’ll reveal tomorrow what the object really is.

In addition, I’ll pick one commenter to receive a brand new copy of New York Times Bestselling Author Laura Kinsale's recent novel, LESSONS IN FRENCH (a new release from my fabulous publisher, Sourcebooks. I recently read and adored it, and so will you!)

So have at it. What the @#$% is that?

38 comments :

CKHB said...

That is clearly a prototype lightsaber built by someone who secretly thinks The Force is a load of hooey. Hence the flawed design.

tammygallant.com said...

It looks like some kind of freakish drill bit (or something to drill with ;) LOL)

grace said...

It's obviously a swirly slide for Lilliputians.

Candyland said...

A pleasure enhancer. Duh. (You know the phallic wine stopper just wasn't enough)

Daryl Sedore said...

Sorry to be crude but it's a backdoor screw. Seriously. It is used when applying back doors to houses and then the screen door. Helps for animal doors too.

Some even use this handy tool with swimming pools. Helps to screw holes in ground for mounting brackets and such.

Called the "Hole Driller" (Batteries not included)

Kristina said...

As much as it might appear to be a "marital aid" I believe it to be a hose attachment...you attach it to a garden hose and use it to drill under a sidewalk for example. But since Big P left it on the coffee table, not sure what his project really was... ;)

Penelope said...

Me: An enormous drill bit.

My five-year-old son: Mom, that is totally a penis sword. A big one.

Patrick Alan said...

I am not sure what it is, but it makes me feel inferior.

Matthew Rush said...

Hmm that looks very strange. My real guess is that it's some kind of auger? It looks too plastic to get much done though.

My fun guess would have to be that it is used to clear large nostrils of Troll-Bogeys.

Karla Nellenbach said...

huh,huh,huh (that's me channeling Beavis and Butthead) and i could say something really dirty here...but I'll try to contain myself...huh,huh,huh

ahem **clears throat** it's an underwater weapon...Aquaman's sword...huh,huh,huh sword

considering you're mind is in the gutter right there with mine, the real question is, what was P trying to tell you by leaving it out for you to pick up?

Tawna Fenske said...

CKHB, I like the lightsaber idea. It certainly looks like it has the force behind it, doesn't it?

tammygallant.com, the first time I ever saw one of these things, Pythagoras said "I have a Valentine's present for you" and proceeded to display it proudly. I was on the verge of fleeing for my life when he informed me what it was (and that it was NOT my present!) Wow, that was probably 15 years ago...I feel old!

Grace, the slide idea makes perfect sense. Sounds kinda fun, actually!

Candyland, the thought of that thing as a pleasure enhancer makes me cry a little bit (though admittedly, that was my first thought, too!)

Daryl, oh my. A backdoor screw, you say? I will inform Pythagoras at once.

Kristina, you probably can't tell much about the object based on where he leaves it. I just found his socks in the shower and his keys in the refrigerator.

Penelope, I think your son is onto something! You're definitely raising that boy right.

Patrick, you should feel inferior. Not just for the reasons you're thinking.

Matthew, excellent theory about the troll-bogeys. If any trolls come to the door today, I'll let you know how it works!

Karla, between my husband's forgetful nature and the general lack of tidyness in our house, it's possible that thing has been sitting on the coffee table for months :)

Thanks for reading, guys!
Tawna

Sydnee said...

LOL. I would have to guess that it's a drain deplugger-er. To get the clumps of hair and jewelry out, maybe? But I do agree with the other posters, it is quite phallic... but in a terrifying horror movie kind of way.

Linda G. said...

Well, judging by the smile on your face...it's a bulb-planting tool. Pythagoras must like flowers.

Crystal said...

LOL I love this and I'm with candyland and you, pleasure enhancer was my first thought too. Ouch.

SM Schmidt said...

Is it a super magnet for finding errant screws/nails?

I almost hazarded a guess that it was for gardening, or an attachment for the vacuum...but I've never seen anything like it at a hardware store. All those summers my parents dragged me along to Osh/HomeDepo when they'd buy supplies for their weekend DYI projects, have failed me. I'm convinced this is not a toy every person will have in their garage.

LR said...

No, no everyone is wrong. This is clearly your new (giant) hair curler.

Misty said...

It's a specialized bat for corkscrew pitches.

Patrick Alan said...

Now I need a better shopvac AND one of those!

Julie Weathers said...

I'd have to agree with Kristina. Oddly, I lived at Home Depot when we were remodeling and I never saw one of these, but I didn't go in the gardening section much.

Cynthia Reese said...

OK, knowing Pythagoras, it's got to have SOMETHING to do with skis. Or bikes. Or Triathalons. Or maybe, oh, yeah! It's the cleaner-outter-gadget-doo-hickey for his Shop Vac.

Am I ineligible because I may have access to inside info?

Xuxana said...

Accessory attachment for the Rampant Rabbit.

danicaavet said...

I can't come up with something even remotely as entertaining as most of these were. I'll just go with a heavy-duty big game ear swab. You know, for when those elephants roll around in the dirt and mud and get all that crap in their ear canals and then can't hear their trainers' commands.

mumfusa said...

pythagoras loves his Shop Vac so much, i doubt he'd leave its parts laying around.

it's probably not a prop that's going to crop up in your next romance novel.

so i'm going to guess it's the device that removes the “bung” from the “bung hole”, as seen on your winery tour.

Delia said...

Maybe he's secretly "The Underminer." You know, nothing is beneath him, but he is always beneath you? The Incredibles? No? All right, fine. I spend too much time with kids. And I have no idea what your positional preferences are.

So let's see... to me it looks like something that's used to anchor something else into the ground. That's my best guess.

It's too bad it's not The Incredibles, though. I always did like the name Violet. Plus, it would be really fun to be able to yell, "I am the Underminer!" at random intervals.

Yah. Right. Coffee.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

My own version of Pythagoras confidently states that it's a concrete or masonry drill bit.

But I like the giant game ear swab idea, too.

India Drummond said...

It's obviously a wall anchor (raw plug/molly) for hanging the biggest painting on the planet.

I assume it's for the oil painting that's going to go in her ladyship's bath.

Tawna Fenske said...

Sydnee, I don't want that thing anywhere near my drains!

Lynda G, Pythagoras does indeed like flowers. Maybe he should bring me some.

Crystal, you and Candyland are both perverts. I would never in a million years have drawn that conclusion. Or posted pictures of me holding it in a semi-provocative manner in order to entice people to play my little guessing game.

SM Schmidt, you'd never find this in a hardware store. Yep, that's a clue!

LR, you know, I could use a curling iron like that!

Misty, LOL, OK now that's clever!

Patrick, want me to mail you one? There are about 100 of 'em in my garage.

Julie, I'm going to go try to dig bulb holes with it now.

Cynthia, I might just have to disqualify you on the basis of knowing too much about my husband! (Er, that sounded a lot dirtier than I meant it to).

Xuxana, LOL, can you imagine the marketing campaign for that?!

danicaavet, ooh, maybe this could help me get a job at the zoo?

mumfusa, hilarious! I'm totally taking this with me to the next wine tasting.

Delia, I'm not sure if I've ever seen The Incredibles, but I do know that the heroine in one of my upcoming releases is named Violet. I might have to rent this movie just to see what she's like!

Dianne, tell your Pythagoras to take a closer look :) It's plastic, not so good for drilling. Good guess, though!

India, her ladyship, I love it! I'm totally making Pythagoras call me that from now on.

Thanks for reading (and guessing!)guys!

Tawna

Kathi Oram Peterson said...

I didn't have time to read what others thought it was, so forgive me if I repeat, but is it a toilet plunger? I'm just sayin'. ;0)

Glen Binger said...

Definitely a drill to use in the sand when putting up a beach umbrella. I think.

Christi Goddard said...

OMG. Tell Pythagorus to stay the hell out of my sex toy walk in closet. I want it back, and it better not have anything suspicious on it that I didn't put there myself.

christinerice said...

I'd say some sort of plumber's tool in all seriousness, but the term "ribbed for her pleasure" keeps coming to mind.

Robin said...

New reader here. Found you via Writes In The City. I am going to take a wild guess on this and say an anchor for a large beach umbrella.

Jeannie said...

Wow! How many batteries does that need?

Shannon said...

...And that's just the attachment.

Claire Dawn said...

I'd guess that it's for tilling soil.

Delia said...

Okay, late one, but I consulted with the hubby who, once he picked his mind back up and wrung the gutter water out, concurred with my latest theory that it's a part of a sprinkler/lawn irrigation system. That's my best guess.

Tawna Fenske said...

Kathi, I think my husband would be upset if I stuck this in the toilet.

Glen, you're not terribly far off, but still not it :)

Christi, you'll want to tune in for the next post when I tell you how Pythagoras first introduced me to this object.

christinerice, kinda tough to look at that thing without thinking that phrase, isn't it?

Robin, welcome! I always like new readers (and I particularly love Wendy's blog!)

Jeannie, LOL, it's entirely self-powered!

Shannon, actually, it is just the attachment :)

Claire Dawn, I'm going to send Pythagoras outside with that and instruct him to hoe the garden!

Delia, a good guess, but not right :)

Thanks for playing, guys! Now it's time for me to go write the post telling you what it REALLY is.

Tawna

Laura Fenske said...

It was purposely left for you on the coffee table as hint to a gift he got you. He found it when you were out wine tasting (I mean researching). It is a giant corkscrew for a giant bottle of wine that he bought for the next big event in your life.