Technically, it’s four reasons, but I’m only listing three here:
1) He doesn’t snore
2) He doesn’t have back hair
3) He doesn’t watch televised sports
I figure that’s a decent foundation for marriage, though admittedly I might keep him around if any of that changed.
The televised sports issue is an odd one, since my husband is definitely a jock. He runs and bikes and swims and skis competitively, coaching several sports and twitching a bit if he goes more than a few hours without exercising.
But for whatever reason, he’s never shown much interest in flipping on the TV and watching people throw balls through hoops or tackle each other on Astroturf.
He also doesn’t spend much time poring over the sports pages, so I’m not sure how to explain the seemingly endless stream of sports trivia he can spew with minimal prompting. We’ll be out with friends when one of the guys will mention the upcoming Seattle Seahawks game.
“Yeah, kickoff is at 1:30,” Pythagoras will muse. “If they win the toss, Leon Washington will put up seven right away.”
Yet when game time rolls around, he has zero interest in watching. My theory is that aliens implanted a microchip in his brain and it’s downloading sports stats directly into his cerebral cortex.
|My brother, his girlfriend, and Pythagoras watch football.|
Don’t get me wrong, he’ll watch sports if someone else flips on a TV. My brother and his girlfriend – football fanatics, both of them – visited this past weekend, making it clear from the moment they arrived that they would hurl themselves in front of a passing bus if they couldn’t watch the Oregon State/Boise game.
When the time came, Pythagoras joined them in the living room to cheer, grunt, and curse at men in tight pants. I hid in my office, emerging only when the noises from the other room suggested one of them was having a stroke.
I suppose this phenomenon isn’t unique to Pythagoras and sports on TV. I don’t really like watching movies and have zero interest in television, but my brain is like a sponge for celebrity gossip.
I’ve never seen Lindsay Lohan in a movie or watched Paris Hilton walk the red carpet, but I can cheerfully tell you all the latest drama in their lives. I get in the longest line at the grocery store so I can stand there reading tabloid headlines, and I’ll click all the juiciest Internet headlines for no compelling reason I can think of. It makes no sense, since I’d honestly rather remove the skin off one arm with a carrot peeler than watch one of their movies or TV shows or…well, whatever the hell it is that made Paris Hilton famous.
Do you have any inexplicable fascinations with things that wouldn’t normally roll your socks up? Are you a sponge for information that does you no good at all? Does your intense interest in knitting belie the fact that you can’t distinguish between a ball of yarn and a ball of hair? Please share.
I have to go see what’s new with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. I really think those two girls can be friends, don’t you?