Lately, I’ve been studying women’s chins.
It’s not a new fetish (though I’m always working to develop those). I’ve been making note of some of the ways gravity and aging are unkind to human skin.
This is where the chin fetish comes in. Some women develop a bit of a wattle with age, and while I look forward to this as a place to store loose change, I’d like to delay the onset if I could.
So I did a bit of googling and found a simple exercise that likely has no effect on chin definition, but I’m going to keep doing it for another reason.
Stand in front of the mirror. Stick out your tongue. Attempt to touch your tongue to your nose. Repeat until you are laughing so hard at yourself that you realize you don’t really give a crap if you have the most hideous turkey neck on the planet.
I found myself in this state a few months ago when I started doing the tongue-to-nose touch whenever I visited the ladies room at the day job. As I stood there in front of the mirror, I had that fleeting thought I’ve had many times before.
What if this is a two-way mirror? What if someone’s watching me do this?
The idea made me giggle even harder than the exercise itself (which probably just adds to the laugh lines, though I’ve already decided are my best feature. OK, second best feature).
Remember the movie Ghost? Patrick Swayze dies, but hangs around in a ghostlike state spending a disturbing amount of time spying on his girlfriend. In the movie, she’s always perfectly posed and beautifully mournful in the apartment all alone.
In a Saturday Night Live skit based on the movie, actress Victoria Jackson showed the more likely scenario. The girlfriend sits around the house belching, farting, singing off-key, and using a discarded toenail clipping to pick her teeth.
Disgusting, but also reality. If you don’t think you’re being watched, why the hell not?
For now, I’ve given up the tongue-to-chin touching exercise. It’s not that I really fear a two-way mirror in the bathroom (though if there is one, I hope someone enjoyed watching me fish my iPhone out of the toilet).
It’s just that I’ve grown rather fond of chin wattles after studying them all this time. Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed by the urge to reach over and pet them.
Wait. Maybe this really is a fetish.
What’s the silliest thing you’ve caught yourself doing when you think no one’s watching? Please share!