(Sidenote: I was originally being a smart-ass with those suggestions, but a quick google search revealed an unexpected plethora of blogs about chainsaws and mustaches. Who’da thunk?)
Today, I’d like to talk with you about mascara. Specifically, about Marathon Mascara by Covergirl. This is the mascara I began using when I was first allowed to wear makeup at age 12. I’ll admit I made a number of questionable grooming and cosmetic decisions at that age (blue eye shadow? Big plastic earrings? Overestimating the pressure required to shave my legs and carrot-peeling a strip off my shin?)
However, my relationship with Marathon Mascara is one that endured through middle school, high school, college, and well into my adult life. The stuff was bullet-proof. Literally, I once deflected a hail of machine gun fire using only my eyelashes.
Fine, that’s a lie, but I could have.
You could participate in a 20 mile swimming race, sob for six hours over your loss, and then punish yourself by spritzing your face with olive oil and rubbing sandpaper over your eyes and Marathon Mascara still wouldn’t come off.
As a chronic eye rubber and occasional bawl baby, I loved the stuff.
The fact that it required a chisel to remove was a plus to me, but apparently not to those who speared their eyeballs with said chisel. Covergirl discontinued the mascara nearly two years ago, and I’ve been weeping ever since.
Which sucks ass, because I’ve gotta tell you – no mascara I’ve tried since then has been able to withstand the weeping.
I’ve experimented with at least a dozen other brands of mascara, from the insanely expensive makeup counter brands to the drugstore variety. Nothing compares.
I even caved once and purchased an unopened vial of Marathon Mascara on eBay, where clever hoarders began hawking the stuff for $20 a tube. But now those are going for up to $65 apiece, and that’s just too rich for my blood.
So my first question of the day is, do you have any suggestions on waterproof, sweatproof, bulletproof mascara that won’t require me to resort to a career as a jewel thief to fund the purchase?
And my second question is, have you ever had a product discontinued that left you high and dry and lonely and lost and pretty sure you could cry your eyes out if only you had a decent mascara?
Please share. Please. I’m desperate. Did I mention the weeping?