I've spent my entire adult life striving to minimize contact with children. If you'd told me three years ago I'd have two of them sharing my home part-time, I would have poked you in the eye with a Lego.
But since my gentleman friend somehow managed to create the two most outstanding offspring on the planet, I'm more than okay with this new twist in life. It helps that things like Little League games are rife with unintentionally filthy humor that leaves me snickering in the stands each week.
I'll admit I know zilch about baseball, but I can't imagine why parents thought these were appropriate things to shout at young children during Saturday's game:
Urging a player to sprint quickly between bases:
Push off that rubber!
Commending a batter for making contact with the ball:
Way to get a piece!
Announcing the last warm-up pitch:
Balls in, coming down!
Coaching a kid coming up to bat:
You've gotta choke it and drive it!
Congratulating a player for his quick throwing reflexes:
Nice job getting that thing out of your hand!
Instructing the pitcher:
Fast and hard, let's go!
And my favorite, shouted by my gentleman friend as the kids lined up and shook hands at the conclusion of the game:
Way to come from behind, guys!
Are there any sporting events making you laugh these days? Please share!