Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Bizarre search terms that lead you to me

As I mentioned once or twice or maybe 876 times, I love Google Analytics.

Since yesterday marked exactly nine months that I’ve been blogging, I decided to check some of the most common keyword searches readers have used to find me.

Unsurprisingly, “Tawna Fenske” and “Don’t Pet Me, I’m Writing” round out the top of the list.

Then there are the ones that make me giggle.

In nine months, over 100 people found my blog by googling some variation of the phrase “monkey sex.” I wonder if they were pleased or disappointed to find this post?

Seven people found my blog by googling “sexbike.” I’m wondering what a sexbike is, but I’m kind of afraid to google it.

At least four dozen people found me by googling phrases like “big hairy butt” or “hairy butt.” I’m trying not to think too much about why anyone would want to see that, but I doubt they found what they were seeking here.

A whole lot of people googled variations of the phrase “things that sound dirty but aren’t.” This makes me proud.

Then there are the random search terms. The ones that (thankfully) appeared only once on the keyword list. Here are my favorites:
  • 3inthe afternoon.... i'm loaded.. find me a partner
  • are alpacas rideable
  • entire orange in my mouth
  • older guy having an affair
  • fenske fine art, ducks
  • hazmat enema purge
  • help i shut my hair in the car door
  • nut in my underwear
  • dnot peg me
  • supermodel tawna
  • how to write on eggplants outline
  • daddy pet animal sex
  • dirty names to call your brother in law
  • write a doll speak flash
  • dance sweatpants with butt pockets
  • hock spit sexy
  • I can’t hold my poop
  • can a put the whole boob in their mouth
  • authors are stupid
To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never used any of those phrases on my blog. Now I’m kind of tempted to see if I can fit them all in my next novel.

If you have a blog or a website, do you ever check the keywords people use to find you? What’s the oddest thing you’ve seen? If you’re not a blogger, what’s the strangest thing you’ve caught yourself googling? Please share.

And please let me know if you’re responsible for any of those keyword searches above. Seriously, I’ve gotta know the story behind some of those.


Candyland said...

HA! "Authors are stupid"??!!!
I had one the other day that was "lindapantsface"

Linda G. said...

LOL! I love doing this, too. "Whip
'n Chill" and "Realityboobs" apparently find me a lot.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, why are authors stupid? And how do I find out if anyone's made it to my blog via keywords?

Matthew MacNish said...

OMG I LOVE analytics, and if you write it as anal-ytics it sounds dirty but isn't. Also unintentionally hilarious search terms are ... hilarious. Candace and I actually play a game with them, or maybe it's just me, you'll have to ask her.

Seriously though? I REALLY do NOT want to know what a hazmat enema purge is. Or even a hazmant enema for that matter.

Great post Tawna, and you clearly are a supermodel, especially with yesterday's skirt on.

Unknown said...

um...yeah...im not sure i even want to ask what a hazmat enema purge is...i usually find you via blogger dashboard so sadly, i am not responsible for any of those search terms...and WTF?!?! authors are stupid?!?!?

also, the best/weirdest search words used to find me are:
"the other ride trying"
"karla spice"
"paint his toes"

i'm not quite sure exactly what kind of readership im drawing with those ones :)

abby mumford said...

i'm on wordpress, so i can't add goggle analytics, but they do have their own statistics page and it's one of my favorite places to be.

some of the crazier search terms that lead people to my blog:

scared happy face
fall from bus sit
путешествия (russian for travel tips)
quickie international

but the #1 that leads people to my blog is "travel" or "travel images" which is interesting because while i do enjoy traveling, i don't do it nearly often enough...

abby mumford said...

i forgot to list my most favorite search that lead people to me:

slutty pumpkin costume.

Laura Riley said...

My favorite one to find my blog is:

is being a naked around your mom good


Teri Anne Stanley said...

Wow, I had no idea you could do this! I'm a little afraid to try...it's either going to be really, really freaky, or there will be no results, because, really...is anyone looking for me?

Danica Avet said...

Those are hilarious! I don't get good ones like that. All the search words I get involve naked men, sexy men, naked sexy men, daniel conn (he is muy sexy by the way), men in bed, and kilt man. Um, I suppose I should point out Fantasy Man Fridays are very popular on my blog.

Colene Murphy said...

Bahahaha! That is hilarious!

So far my personal favorite over on my blog has been "bruce campbell punched in face"

Thanks for sharing yours!

L. T. Host said...

Freaking awesome.

I like how your random keyword searches include several people who apparently have a fetish for fitting big round objects in their mouths.

Don't ask me why I like that. Not MY fetish, I swear!

Jason said...

Keywords are awesome. I just looked them up for mine and here are some fun ones:

war is hell, even when its cold
got pulled over so relieved
misaki bikini photoshoot
upskirt shots in utah

And, in case you are curious, Misaki is my dog's name. As far as I know, she has never been a part of a bikini photoshoot, though I don't know what she does while I'm at work.

Geoffrey Cubbage said...

"how to be good writing" remains my favorite. We've got a long way to go with that searcher!

Not surprisingly, most of my other search terms relate to alcoholism, writing, or the intersection of the two. Also lime trees in Russia. I did a similar post not long ago for the curious:


It's more legible than I remembered my NyQuil/fever haze as being, actually.

Anonymous said...

Here's some interesting search phrases for my blog which is G-rated.

dog sailboat
love vs romance difference
chicago elevated train
vintage chicago l
fight scenes on roof
mr underbed storytelling
male possessed by aliens
women sitting
silly women
mormon women sleeveless tops
"penance" amelia

Why would anyone google "women sitting"???

Abby Minard said...

Omg, that's hilarious! How do they find you with those search terms?? I'll have to check mine. I haven't in a while.

Dr. Goose said...

Have never checked although I'm tempted to now. Maybe if I look up goose supermodel my blog will arise from the ashes of non existence.

Gabriela Lessa said...

Can't do it. Either Google Analytics has something personal against me or I'm very, very dumb. I'm kind of leaning towards the first option.

Laura Maylene said...

My blog is only a few months old, so I think I'm still too new to get some of the really crazy stuff. But here are just a few search terms that led to my site:

1. "my new haircut"+"love it"+short sassy
2. maylene feet
3. old public humiliation
4. the most terrifying moment in may life


Candyland, Lindapantsface? LMFAO! Any clue what triggered that one?!

Linda G, isn't your domain name "realityboobs?"

Suz, you have to download Google Analytics and stick the code into the code for your site or your blog. Much easier than it sounds, you'll find tons of instructions online.

Matthew, anal-ytics? Ha! Love it!

Karla, I love "paint his toes," any idea how that one landed on your blog?

Abby Mumford, you can use Google Analytics on Wordpress. We've got it on the Debutante Ball site, which is in Wordpress. I wasn't the one who installed it so I can't walk you through the steps, but I know it was super simple in Blogger. Oh, and slutty pumpkin costume? Hilarious.

Laura, LOL, gotta wonder how that one ended up on your doorstep!

Teri Anne, that's the beauty of it -- most of those people aren't actually looking for me. They're probably looking for porn or God knows what else, and I'm sure they're disappointed when they end up on my blog!

Danica, note to self...stop by Danica's blog on Fridays :)

Colene, er, do you actually show pictures of Bruce Campbell being punched in the face?

L.T. Host, no joke...some of those I can figure out what triggered them to land on my site but the orange or the boob in the mouth? Uh, no idea what led those to me!

Jason, oh you know Mikasi is a total hussy when you're not around.

Geoffrey, I will check that out, thanks for the link!

terripatrick, LOL, I like "mr underbed storytelling" the best!

Abby Minard, I can figure out a few of them since I know I've talked about sweatpants and underwear and shutting my hair in the car door, but many of those are a total mystery to me!

Dr. Goose, report back as soon as you check!

Gabriela, I think Blogger actually has a video tutorial out there somewhere. See if that helps?

Laura, maylene feet? Uh, did you post pictures of your feet?

Thanks for reading, guys! And for sharing your keywords, these are hilarious!


Unknown said...

Oh wow, I've only been blogging for roughly three months and I never knew about the Search Keywords. lol!

Anyways, the only thing I have on mine is "with the barracuda"

Quite understandable, I call my Number 1 beta-reader the Barracuda. The description is quite accurate ...

Charity Bradford said...

My keywords are quite boring. They seem to be evenly split between "awkward sentences" and "cake writing" with a few "beach scenes" thrown in.

The only slightly interesting one is "her braces adjusted" What?

Leigh Royals said...

I've not used Google Analytics, and I looked it up, registered, and got as far as looking for the specific place in my dashboard to paste the code. I'm quite confused.

But cool, it really shows you interesting stuff.

Claire Dawn said...

Once again you're sending me off to analytics.

"I can't hold my poop!" ROFL!

Claire Dawn said...

Erm, so my 3 most popular searches are:
1. Luffy (from One Piece)
2. Jack Sparrow
3. Cinderella's Prince (or some variation).

You'd never guess it's a writing blog would you?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
broken biro said...

I've had these:
what to do if a dog eats a biro
entendres puns spurt
darth vader chest
holy wind batman!
filthy limericks

All but the first one would probably have found something relevant. But my favourite ever is:
Zombie womble

I've written about Wombles and I've mentioned zombies - but never in the same breath. But now I have to - it's too good not to!

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