Monday, February 7, 2011

How a cat butt made my night

Friday was one of those evenings.

You know the kind – everyone's cranky for no particular reason, and determined to stay that way for at least a few hours.

Pythagoras and I were snarling at each other over something that seemed stupid even then. Since we weren't about to let lousy moods come between us and cheap pizza, he stomped out to the car to do some impatient engine revving. I sat inside for a few more minutes tinkering with my Twitter account for the pleasure of making him wait.

By the time I sashayed out to the car, he was glaring at his watch. "We're going to miss happy hour."

"You can't drive yet," I snapped as I buckled my seatbelt. "The cat is on top of the car."

"I thought he moved."

Intent on proving my point, I reached up and yanked back the cover on the sunroof.

We both looked up to see a big, hairy cat butthole pressed against the glass above our heads.

I don't know about you, but there's pretty much no way I can stay in a pissy mood after that. We both laughed so hard we scared the cat into standing up and peering down at us through the sunroof. I finally got out and moved him to the safety of the lawn, and we continued our evening in much better spirits.

Have you ever had one of those moments? You're stuck in mad-zone, determined to stay there for a good long while, and then something absurd snaps you out of your funk?

Please share! I could use a stockpile of these stories for the next time I'm having a bad day.


Sarah W said...

Before the kids arrived, my husband and I used to be owned by a massive Main Coon named Finn who had male-patterned baldness on his huge belly, a pathological need for attention, and complete, evil control of his flatulence.

Whenver my husband and I would start yelling at each other, Finn would run into the room, roll over to display this weird, bare cat tummy, and turn the air green.

It was like kitty riot control.

Linda G. said...

LOL! Here's to big, hairy cat buttholes!

Why, gee whiz, TG and I never get snarky with each other...*cracks up* okay, I can't type that with a straight face. The snark usually doesn't last long, though. One of us will call the other a big poopy-head, or something similarly mature, and then we crack up and get over ourselves.

Sierra said...

Damn. I used my good story back on the "Victims Aren't Sexy" post. Throwing the glass at the wall and having it bounce off unharmed, leaving a sizable dent...that pretty much did it. I was in the middle of yelling about something, and just tapered off into "...well, crap."

Now I'll have to see if I can think of another one. ;)

sprunty said...

The real question is...did you make happy hour?

Amanda Bonilla said...

BEST story of the day, hands down!!!

Unknown said...

As always your posts are so funny!

Anyway, what happens to me is that sometimes I'm really angry scolding my sons and I start to speak loud and fast--so fast that my tongue trips and then my sons are laughing at my tripping tongue. And I can't help but laugh, too. :)

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOSH, that was funny. Yeah, I'd say that'd lighten a mood, huh?

I can't really think of anything that has shaken us out of a mood. I'm kinda lame that way.

Thanks for sharing yours though, it was awesome!

Anonymous said...

My dear hubby can stop me mid-rant by calling me one of the following...

"Bitch-a-rella" or "Nagzilla"

Gets me laughing everytime.

Christi Corbett

Kadi Easley said...

Great story, Tawna. Thanks for the smile. Wish I had a story to share, but at the moment my mind is blank.

lora96 said...

Not as glamorous as your story, but I once interrupted a truly fruitless and fussy argument by yanking a pair of dh's boxer briefs out of the laundry and throwing them to the puppy to chew.

"The dog's eating your underpants" I smirked and we both burst out laughing.

Unknown said...

Before my husband and I were married, we shared a condo. One day we had a HUGE argument. He was planning to leave and went to take a shower before he did. I followed him into the bathroom and sat down, blocking his exit. As he stepped out of the shower, we began arguing again. I reached down and grabbed the kitty litterbox (which was due for a change) and flung its contents at him. He turned around and stepped back in the shower without a word. We were married a few months later. He told me later he figured that anyone willing to fight that hard to keep him from leaving must be worth it.

Liz said...

I'm often reading in bed at night when my cat jumps up for some attention. She'll purr and rub against my hand a few times, then get distracted by something on the nightstand. At which point she stands with her butt in my face. I can think of better ways for her to show me she loves me!

Danica Avet said...

My brother is 6 years younger than me. When we were both in our teens, we got into one of our huge arguments about something stupid, no doubt. We were raising hell at each other and he finally got so frustrated with me, he stomped towards his room. Stopped. Mooned me. Slapped his butt cheeks a few times, pulled up his pants again, and kept going to his room.

Yeah. Kind of hard to stay furious when you see something like that. I laughed and laughed. Of course, I worried that I would be blind, but I wasn't and it's a story the whole family shares during our notorious get togethers.

Meredith said...

I remember meeting my then-fiance’s family for the first time. Paul’s family lives in Texas (we were in California at the time) and he hadn’t seen his youngest sister Kristy in a while. He started teasing her mercilessly the minute we walked in the door.

Because she's the youngest of four and the only girl, she’s pretty tough and gave as well as she got. But apparently the umpteenth joke about her large forehead (her fivehead, as he so eloquently called it) started to grate on her nerves and she sat on the sofa with a distinct pout.

Their mother (hardened by years of this behavior) finally bestirred herself to say that Jeez, your sister hasn’t seen you in ages and I think she’s really upset.

Paul actually looked contrite. He sat next to her and said, sweetly,

Hey Kristy, why the long face?

She 1) slugged him and 2) burst out laughing. That was that. I still can’t navigate their family dynamics, but at least I knew what I was in for before I married into the fray.

charles frenzel said...

No cat butt here, just the one and only seriously emotional, completely stupid argument with my wife in 37 years. We had words, I became so angry I had to throw something, so I picked up a quarter pound stick of butter and threw it at the window over the sink where it stuck and began sliding slowly down the glass. It continued this leisurely, fascinating descent while we totally forgot about our argument, waiting to see what would happen. Reaching the bottom, the butter peeled off the glass and fell directly into a butter dish resting on the window ledge, thus addressing our argument surrounding how butter should be served at the table.

froggfeathers said...

Thank you for that. I so needed it! I really did LOL.

Trisha Leigh said...

Dude, that is amazing. Those moments are golden. Remember it forever.

Steph Schmidt said...

I once was in one of those pissing contests about who really would end up with the last word in a fight with my sister.

The much beloved dog decided mid-sentence by one of us was the perfect time to be utterly relaxed, deep asleep and pass gas. It was so loud she awoke, lifted her head, looked at her tail as if to say Oh was that me? and then promptly go back to sleep! Needless to say we were both giggling to hard to remember what we had been griping about.

Anonymous said...

Man, that story was hilarious!

I know this shit happens to me all the time...but I can't think of anything!

The only thing I can think of isss...

In the process of fighting (naked, like who does that? honestly, it's already hard enough to take me seriously)

I spilled a drink all over myself.
Needless to say, we stopped fighting and started laughing.

and other things.

German Chocolate Betty said...

When I was about 4 or 5, I was in the backyard playing "dress up" -- this would have been around 1960 (oooh, I'm dating myself here), which meant a pile of old formals that my mom used to wear (plus high heels, hats, gloves, etc.). So there was stuff scattered all over the backyard.

It was getting close to supper time, and my dad came out of the house, told me to clean up the mess. He had to walk to the drugstore on the corner, and he wanted the mess gone when he got back.

He had just disappeared down the driveway when my mom stuck her head out of the backdoor, and hollered at me to come in and help in the kitchen. "But Daddy said..."

"No excuses, get in here." So, I got in there (in the view of a kid "clear and present danger" was the parent within grabbing distance), did what she wanted me to and then went back out to finish picking up the mess in the yard.

A couple of minutes later, my dad came down the drive, hollered at me for farting around instead of finishing, while I'm spluttering "but Mommy...".

In those days, a swat with a flyswatter or ruler wasn't considered child abuse but rather child rearing. (It stung but didn't damage anything.) So my dad grabbed a yardstick to smack me on the back of the calves. It broke in two with the first smack (hadn't hurt at all, all the energy went into the break). We both stood there, speechless, for a moment, then started to laugh hysterically.

My mom came out to the back porch to see what was going on, took one look at the broken yardstick and began to screech at my dad, "that was my best yardstick, what happened? how could you"? (It was nicely varnished, apparently.) She chewed my dad out royally.

And to this day, 50-odd years later, you only have to mention that yardstick and she goes off again!


Seriously cracking up over these stories, guys! You don't know how much I needed this today.

Sarah, I have a friend whose dog would jump up on the bed and pee when she & her husband would argue.

Linda G, poopy head, huh? I'll have to remember that.

Sierra, I loved the glass throwing story!

sprunty, yes!! With five minutes to spare.

Amanda, glad you enjoyed it.

Monica, and does it make you madder when they laugh? :)

lynnrush, maybe you need a cat and a sunroof, eh?

christicorbett, you're a better woman than I am, I think I'd just get angrier if someone called me that!

KD Easley, glad to amuse you!

lora96, good one, I'll have to remember to try that!

Rebecca, OMG, that is hysterical!

Liz, absolutely! Butt=love in a cat's mind.

Danica, that sounds like something my brother would do!

Meredith, I like his sense of humor!

charles, thank you for the first really hard laugh of the day. That story is priceless.

froggfeathers, I'm so glad!

Trisha, what, no pet capers of your own?

SM Schmidt, don't you love when dogs do that? Like they really have no idea what just happened.

HoldenLyric, naked fighting? That sounds like an interesting story right there.

German Chocolate Betty, LOL! I hope you buy her a nice yardstick for Mother's Day!

Thanks for reading, guys!

Squeaky said...

*pictures the scene*


*pictures the scene again*


Mason Ian Bundschuh said...

ok, so you'll get little more from me than crass jr. high humor... but what's wrong with that?

So my story begins with a wedding (not mine) and a girlfriend (mine).
As we were leaving the wedding, said girlfriend and I were cranky with each other for some piddling thing.
I opened her car door as she harangued me, when i got in she was still haranguing me.
I irritably told her to get in, but as she started to (either get in or lean in to continue haranguifying me) she suddenly sneezed, hiccuped and burped. Simultaneously.

After a split second of stunned silence, and just before we could being laughing, she capped it all off with a querilous sounding fart.

i kid you not she is still one of my closest friends probably due to this single event. (I have a low bar for reasons to continue friendship long after romance has soured)

that is all. my story is done.