Thursday, January 5, 2012

I’d lie down to write this post if I could

I’m one of the laziest people I know.

I’m not ashamed to admit this, and have found it to be an asset more than a liability. A former boss once insisted I’m not lazy, but ruthlessly efficient and clever at finding ways to minimize the work involved in any task.

That probably does sound better, but it still boils down to laziness. The same boss also suggested I call myself “frugal” instead of “cheap,” which reminds me I should probably buy that guy a beer sometime. A cheap one.

I was reminded of both my laziness and my frugality the other day when I spotted a pair of $12 suede Coach sneakers at my favorite thrift store. While I didn’t necessarily need sneakers, I was smitten with the price and the designer label.

When I got them home, I lined them up with all my other shoes. I own 54 pairs, which is probably another blog-worthy personality fault. Guess what all my shoes have in common?

They slip on. The new sneakers are my only pair of shoes with laces. That’s right — I’m too lazy to actually lace up a pair of shoes.

I haven’t decided yet if I’ll keep the sneakers or sell them on eBay. Oh, who am I kidding? Selling them on eBay sounds like work.

It did make me stop and analyze other ways I’ve arranged my life to accommodate my own laziness. Among them:

  • I refuse to have a hairstyle that requires me to blow dry, curl, fluff, tease, spray, or do anything besides wash it a couple times a week and maybe brush it once a day if I feel ambitious. This was my chief concern when my hairdresser talked me into a new ‘do last week.
  • I refuse to exercise. I can talk myself into hiking regularly because that’s just walking and walking isn’t hard. I’ll sometimes convince myself to do yoga because that’s just rolling around on the floor in my pajamas. But I’d rather pull all the toes off my left foot with pliers than lift weights or run on a treadmill.
  • I won’t buy clothing that requires ironing. In the rare event that an article of my clothing appears wrinkled, I’ve been known to donate it to charity to avoid ironing it. If I put something on and really, really want to wear it but it’s too wrinkly, I will attempt to iron it while it’s on my body. It’s a special realm of “hot & steamy.”

Are there areas of your life where you tend to be lazy, or are you more of a go-getter? Please share!

And let me know if you enjoy ironing. Or brushing a stranger’s hair. Or tying someone else’s sneakers. Or…


Sarah W said...

I "iron" by running a few wrinkled items in the dryer for 20 minutes before I get dressed.

My husband tells me I'm lazy and wasteful. I tell him that in the winter, putting on clothes fresh from the dryer is like getting a full-body hug from Tim DeKay (or so I imagine).

Luanna Stewart said...

Dang, that's a lot of shoes. I think I might own 10 pairs, maybe.

I quite enjoy ironing. There's something zen-like about smoothing to crisp perfection one of my hubby's dress shirts (he has to wear one to work every day, it's that kind of job), making the tea towels into nice rectangles, and putting lovely creases in the pillow cases. I limit my ironing fiestas to one day a week, so it's not an OCD problem, right?

Noelle Pierce said...

Ohmigoodbar. Are we related? I'm also a ruthlessly efficient lazy person. I don't even know where my iron is...hubby finally gave up and takes his button-down shirts to the cleaners and uses the dryer or really hot shower (hangs clothes on the bar and closes the door) for everything else. :D I'll also spend more time setting up a database or spreadsheet to make calculations for me, saving me time in the long run. Sadly, I'm also a procrastinator. Not a great combo. Haha
Glad to know I'm not alone. In fact, we have t-shirts!

Patty Blount said...

I do NOT iron. I will throw clothes in the dryer for 15 minutes and if they're still wrinkled, wear something else.

I DO exercise only because I'm usually achy everywhere and moving is the only thing that helps. I hate days where I have to rely on pills. But believe me, I hate every minute of it.

I grew up in the '80's when big hair was in. I am so used to curling and spraying and teasing and fluffing and moussing that even though I no longer have that style, I consider my hair 'easy' when all I have to do is blow it dry. I have been washing and drying it every day until a few years ago, when I adopted my current straight style without bangs. Now, I can go TWO whole days without washing it!

And if the second day falls on a weekend, I shoot for 3 and just tie it up in a pony tail.

I used to change my handbags every day to match my outfits. Now, I use the same bag for a year a time.

As for lace up sneakers, I took the laces out of mine and just slip them on and go. OK, I can't run in them.

But running is - you know - exercise.

LynnRush said...

Oh gosh. I wondered if I dared post today. LOL. I'm a Running is too much work, but jogging, I like. So much I'm doing a half marathon in a couple of weeks. Yay!!!! But on the ironing front...I hate it. Will avoid it at all costs if I can. LOL!!!

Michelle Wolfson said...

I am a beautiful mix of lazy and incredibly efficient. You are a bizarro mix of lazy, incredibly efficient with a healthy dose of wackadoo mixed in, which of course is why I love you.

Laura Maylene said...

When I got my first apartment after college, I didn't own an iron and refused to buy one because 1) I'm also "frugal" and 2) I'd probably only use it once a year. But one day I had wrinkly clothes so I got a brilliant idea: I spread the clothing out on my coffee table and boiled a pot of water. Then I took the hot pot over to the clothes and pressed it down on them.

My memory is fuzzy, but I think it might have actually worked. Kinda.

LAH said...

That is hilarious, I say the exact same thing about my laziness... I prefer to call it STRATEGY.

I own about a dozen pairs of black stretchy workout pants because I cannot be bothered to do laundry more than every six weeks.

And this is horrible: I use plastic cutlery. I don't have a dishwasher and not only is handwashing just horrible, it's also disgusting.

I try to recycle. Which is to say I throw everything into the bin, where it decomposes next to my porch because I also can't be bothered to lug that thing out to the street.

PS shoes you can slip on are the best!

Diane Henders said...

I am both lazy and forgetful. To the outside world, this looks like devastating efficiency, because not only do I find the easiest, fastest way to do everything, I do it immediately 'cause I'll forget if I don't.

Don't tell anybody, okay?

Gabryyl Pierce said...

I knew I liked you for a reason (other than the wackadoo factor)!

Some of the ways I have perfected my ruthless laziness:

I follow the Einstein theory of dressing - 10 pairs of the same black pants, 6 of the same shirt in different colors (+ 6 of the same long-sleeved shirts for winter), 2 weeks worth of socks & undergarments (all the same) & 3 pairs of slip on shoes, all black.

I have a 'Gopher' grab-it stick in every room. I use them for everything from picking up dropped remotes to putting away socks & changing the disc in the DVD player from bed so I don't have to get up.

Neurotic Workaholic said...

One thing that motivates me to exercise are the cute, muscular guys at my gym. Also they have TVs at the gym, so that makes the time go by faster; I don't have to feel guilty about watching TV because I'm doing something productive at the same time.
I've had the same hairstyle for years just because it doesn't require any styling.
I'm also really lazy about dusting. I know I should do it more often, but I'd rather watch an episode of the Kardashians than dust. And I can't stand the Kardashians.


I used to tell my husband I needed a housewife to do the chores back when wives were stay at home and did things like laundry and ironing. I have an iron and I can locate it in an emergency such as ironing a bridesmaids ruffle or something but our three daughters have married five times so we're done with that.
Loved loved loved this post.

Christina Auret said...

Well, I'm with you on the ironing.

In my first year at varsity one of my boxes got stolen out of the residence storage room during winter break. It contained some text books and my iron.

I missed my books the next semester, but I only realized the iron had been stolen too at the end of my third year.

Teri Anne Stanley said...

I prefer the term "motivationally disabled" in the hopes that someday there will be disability pay for this condition.

Sarah Allen said...

Ha ha :) This is hilarious and way too familiar. A lot of times I'll wait in bed with my book until a roommate comes in to say goodnight just so I don't have to turn off the light.

Sarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)

Geoffrey Cubbage said...

You can always put wrinkled clothes on a hanger and keep them in the bathroom while you shower. Smooths the wrinkles out nicely if you take a long enough shower (and let's be realistic here -- getting out and toweling off is a lot of work).

Since upgrading to an internet-capable smartphone I've lately found myself not only working from home but working from bed for most of the morning. It's not lazy if you're doing work, right?

N.M. Martinez said...

Haha, so funny, this is all the same for me. (But I'm actually efficient. ;) )

I have lace up sneakers that I never lace up. I just slip them on and retie them once every few months when I have to.

For the wrinkles in clothes, taking them right out of the dryer and folding them helps. My boyfriend bought an iron for the house because he was surprised we didn't have one. (Was he expecting that I came with one?) He's the only one who uses it.

And Geoffrey's post above, lol! Me too actually. I do find it difficult to post coherent comments on a smart phone though. So I'm thinking I want to get a tablet. Then I can really stay in bed. :D

Josh Kruschke said...

"Progress doesn't come from early risers — progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things."

In Robert A. Heinlein's book, "Time Enough for Love" there's a shirt story titled, "The Tale of the Man Who Was Too Lazy to Fail."

Hmmm... this bodes well for you I think.

Julie Glover said...

I laughed so hard at this, Tawna. My personal motto for a long time has been, "I just can't be bothered." It comes in handy quite often to explain why I don't do things. I also do not buy clothes that require ironing. I can see the most beautiful dress that will look great on me, but if it's dry clean, hand-wash, or needs ironing, it's going back on the rack. I do as little hairstyling as possible - to the chagrin of one of my best friends who swears I could wear some other great do's. I do my make-up in less than five minutes; when I take longer, it looks better, but not substantially enough to make me want to do it. I could go on and on. I never thought of it as lazy. I simply think that my brilliance is better put to use in other areas. Right? Maybe? Okay, fine: I'm lazy.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

I never buy clothes I have to iron either! Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that I actually can't iron anything because I'm in a dorm and I don't have a board for it... nah, I'm really just too lazy. :)

BarbN said...

A friend of ours house-sat for us once while we were on vacation. I called him to see how our animals were doing and he asked me where the iron was. There was this long pause... that extended... and then finally I had to admit that I had no idea where the iron was. I know we have one, and if I'd been at home I would have been able to find it (probably).

So ironing? No.

Unknown said...

LOL I think I have more shoes than you.

And I totally get the hairdo thing and the clothes thing, too. I hang up my bedding stuff immediately after the wash, then fold it and put it at the bottom of the pile so it kind of irons itself... ; P

Lynn(e) Schmidt said...

All of my shoes have laces, but they've been laced for years (I wore them out by slipping them on and off, so now they're slip ons, too :) ) I don't usually brush my hair, actually chopped it all off before I moved so I wouldn't have to deal with it for awhile.

I don't consider it lazy, I consider it; there are better ways to spend my time :)


Holy cow, you guys are making me feel soooooooooo much better about my own laziness. Who knew there were so many of us out there? Let's form a club! Who wants to take the initiative to organize the club and make the rules and collect dues and....wait, where did everyone go?


Kimberly Sabatini said...

With you on the ironing and the hair. Sleeping on it is about all the effort I can manage. I don't own an ironing board and just tell people that you wouldn't recognize me if I looked pressed. Yes, have iron clothes while wearing them. Hmmm what alarm clock has a remote since it's on my husband's side of the bed. Too far to travel. I'm sure I have more but I'm way to lazy to think about them. :o)