Thursday, March 1, 2012

Anything sounds filthy if you say it right

I was devouring a container of leftovers at lunch the other day when I was overcome by fondness for the guy who helped make the meal.

Naturally, I took my feelings to Facebook.
Happiness is dating a guy who makes amazing sauteed spinach.

The second I wrote the words, I decided they sounded filthy. I know I've done it to myself (snicker) with my habit of turning even the most innocent phrases into sexual euphemisms.

Not that I have any idea what sexual act that particular phrase might represent, but as one Facebook pal noted, "it sounds like it probably would (and maybe should) be banned in several states."

Implied naughtiness sometimes stems from the reputation of the person writing or typing a phrase like that. My grandmother, for example, could write it in her holiday letter and no one would think twice. 

When the phrase is spoken, however, it's all about tone. I came home the other night to find the housemates engrossed in a conversation about a wildlife tourist attraction in Alaska. One of them took a swig of his beer and gave a lopsided smile.

"They'll even let you comb the caribou," he slurred a little drunkenly.

The other housemate snorted. "Comb the caribou? Is that what the kids call it these days?" 

I haven't stopped laughing about it since then, nor have I stopped trying to imagine what that might be a euphemism for. Something tells me it's best left undefined.

Have you read or heard any phrases lately that weren't meant to be dirty but somehow ended up sounding that way? Please share!

Then practice saying, "leave a blog comment" in different tones until you convince yourself it's the raunchiest phrase ever uttered.


Sarah W said...

Actual conversation with the elderly relative I hope I am when I grow up:

"So how are you keeping yourself busy these days?"

"Well, I'm blogging a lot."

"Oh. Well, lock the door and wash your hands afterward."

Anonymous said...

My comment to you yesterday saying you had been facebooked and twittered sounded dirty to me even as I was writing it. I couldn't stop laughing.

Anyway, as far as others saying things I heard someone say the other day "I had chickpeas and sausage for dinner" I'm not sure why but a guy saying that suddenly makes the whole room bust out laughing.

Matthew MacNish said...

The way I'm saying "leave a blog comment," in my head, makes it sound like it will require a towel.

Laina said...

I have a friend who thinks Klout sounds dirty.

I told her yesterday to suck pasta (long story), though, soooo... we have an interesting friendship XD

Patty Blount said...

This just happened last month. I was on a ferry with my family crossing the Sound. It's about a 90 minute trip. We decided to play cards to pass the time. My husband likes to psych out his competitors and does all sorts of annoying things to win. On this trip, he kept banging the seat I occupied.

I couldn't take it anymore and begged him, "Will you stop or I'll bang you!"

Half the boat snickered.

Neurotic Workaholic said...

Tee hee, the "comb the caribou" quote made me giggle too! And there are several Caribou coffeehouses in Chicago, so now I'm going to think of that quote every time I go to one of them. :)

Lauren said...

My kids are full of them.

"Mommy, these balls are huge."

"Move over, it's my turn to go in the tunnel."

"Look, I have one, two, three nuts! Mommy, why are you laughing?"

Julie Glover said...

Laughing out loud in this restaurant when I read "comb the caribou." I'm sure people wonder why I'm snickering. I am so not confessing.

Mary Stella said...

Have you seen the ad with the Brotish couple discussing dessert but secretly thinking about how Ky warming gel mad their sex even better? Lovely spice, nutmeg.

Comb the caribou made me think of the Was Not Was song Walk the Dinosaur which was allegedly about self-gratifying.

Anna Cowan said...

ha- I think my favourite part is that it's almost impossible to define to yourself what the dirty things might be in real, physical terms. You know, if you wanted to try them out some time.