Friday, September 3, 2010

What the @#$% is that? Tell me and WIN!

Remember last month when I announced I'd been picked as one of five debut authors to blog for the next 12 months at The Debutante Ball?

Well my very first post is up today. Go visit, OK? Pretty please? It's scary being in a new place when you don't know anyone.

To celebrate my foray into the world of The Debutante Ball, we're going to play a game that should be familiar to readers who've been visiting awhile. What the @#$% is that? was born when I decided to share some of the mystery items my absentminded husband leaves lying around the house.

In case you're new, previous games can be found here and here.

So what did I find this time? I thought you'd never ask.

I went out to the garage yesterday in search of a tape measure. Piled on top of Pythagoras' toolbox was this:
That's an item in every man's toolbox, right?

Any idea what it might be? I actually do know, though I was a lot less certain the first time I found it lying in a heap on the bedroom floor.

Give me your best guess – silly or serious – what you think it might be. I'll tally the guesses in the comments at 10 a.m. on Sunday, September 5 and will pick a winner after that.

Oh, and if you're unfamiliar with how we pick winners around here, check out this and this and this.

What does the winner get? Cue lovely spokesdel here...

Crap, there are no lovely spokesmodels available. OK, you're stuck with me:

That's right, you get your very own Willamette Valley Vineyards T-shirt, as featured in yesterday's blog post. They come in a variety of sizes and styles, so the winner can pick what he or she likes.

Ready to guess? Please tell me – What the @#$% is that?

56 comments :

Matthew Rush said...

Well you're cute AND lovely, but that's beside the point. I have no idea what the hell that is though. I mean it looks like a couple dozen dusters on a string ... but what the hell would you need that many for?

So I'm going to go humorous and say Py wears that as a skirt when he goes to the local Salish or Tillamook pow-wow. Or maybe a headdress?

Today's guest blogger is Emilia Plater!

Alexa O said...

He uses those to clean the inner claw of his new bike seat.

Sorry, "saddle."

Hey, he needs a lot. It can get pretty grody in there.

Claire Dawn said...

I thought you planned on wearing it.

Let's see definitely feather dusters on a string. I'm guessing designed to be pulled through somewhere that's not easily accessible.

Ew! Did I just say that? You're corrupting me, Tawna!

Piedmont Writer said...

Those are different cleaning implements he uses when he details the truck. Some are used for the inside, some for the outside. The reason there are so many is because he got them 3 for a $1.00 at the flea market.

Linda G. said...

I'm guessing Pythagor-nice-ass had to improvise after returning from one of his middle-of-the-night nude bicycle rides later than usual, and, upon finding the neighbors enjoying an early morning breakfast alfresco, needed coverage to get from the garage to the house. Quick thinker that he is, he grabbed his handy-dandy bicycle dusters and made himself a colorful kilt.

Huh. And to think, until now I never even realized he had Scottish blood.

Chris said...

I think he is making you an outfit and was trying to hide it from you.


Is it used to clean the outside of his car?

Delia said...

Well, I can tell you that those are dusters, because I've used them. What they're doing strung together like that is puzzling. I'm going to ignore all the dirty stuff that's running through my mind right now and guess that this is part of a prototype for the new car wash that Pythagoras is planning to install at the entrance to your garage.

However, if I were you, I'd beware the appearance of new sexy undies -- just to be sure.

abby mumford said...

halloween costume, circa last year.

Ang said...

It looks like the beginnings of a Ballet Folklorico or Salsa skirt costume. On Oct. 31, you can go door to door chanting, "Cha-cha-cha-trick or treat!"

Patty Blount said...

Here's my theory. The string of feather dusters is not an actual mechanism for USING them, but for CLEANING them.

We know Pythagoras likes clean things, a claim supported by your recent post of him scrubbing the toilet, as well as previous posts describing his shop-vac-addiction.

Therefore, I submit that the feather duster er.... collection... is actually his way of cleaning them as follows. He grasps the string, starts whipping his arm in a wide arc (outdoors, of course) to force the dust from each feather and thus, out of his domain.

Elementary, my dear Tawna.

Melissa Gill said...

Clearly this is your costume for said Debutante Ball. Pythagoras obviously felt he could help you out by designing your dress for the ball. He took his inspiration from the costumes of Mardi Gras Indians.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mardi_Gras_Indians (Just wait until you see the head piece).

You're sure to be the belle of the ball!

lora96 said...

Pythagoras: Accomplished Clown Assassin keeps his trophies concealed in a toolbox.

:)

SM Schmidt said...

That looks like a lifetime's supply of feather dusters. Maybe Pythagoras is staging a production of a play that features a chorus of maids?

Sierra said...

It's so obvious! He's planning to do the dance of the seven veils, but he's adapted it to be the dance of the umpteen feather dusters. Lucky you!

Jeannie Moon said...

Oh dear...so many of those dusters and I have SUCH a dirty mind. The word that keeps popping into my head is "tickler." You should be able to run with that, Tawna.

And since you found it in the bedroom....

LadyGenette said...

He's doing the hula dance in your garage when you aren't looking. He couldn't find any grass, so he was forced to go with his mother's lifetime supply of cheap dusters.

Lisa B said...

I know exactly what this is! It is the official uniform for the Flaminco dancers/House Cleaners of America. I believe they adopted it in 1988. the real question is: How did your husband get it? My guess is that he is looking to make a career change.

Tawna Fenske said...

You guys are seriously cracking me up! I'm not going to comment to everyone individually like I usually do (since I fear I might give something away and clue you in about the identity of the mystery object) but suffice it to say, your guesses are FREAKIN' HYSTERICAL!

Thanks so much for reading (and for visiting me over at the Debutante Ball).

Tawna

Elizabeth Flora Ross said...

I have no idea what it is, but it does make a great skirt. I imagine it is used to clean the bike after a ride. Kind of like the things you drive through in a car wash.

Skye said...

This is his super-secret prototype for a quieter bowling experience. Having "feathered" bodies, the "pins" will cushion the bowling ball (which is itself made of a dense, nerf-like material with a shiny finish so it mimics original bowling balls). The pins make a soft "swish" when they are hit and a dainty "plop" when they fall over.

Thus bowling alleys could open up anywhere, even in residential neighborhoods, without causing noise-abatement riots from the residents.

Christi Goddard said...

I'm sure you're already aware of this, but Pythagoras is incredibly paranoid. He knows the real danger that awaits him in the nearby forest trails, as 'the abductors' hide thier skinny little bodies behind trees, waiting for some poor slob to come peddling by.

He rides too fast to be caught by these anal probing hoodlums, but to evade detection or be followed home, he attachs that string of dusters to erase his tire tread trail as he bikes away.

Lisa_Gibson said...

Okay to be literal, they are window blind cleaners or dusters (whichever you prefer. To throw a creative spin on it: they are q-tips for a gay giant. :) Yes, I'm crazy and darn proud of it.
Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover

Sharon Axline said...

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Elizabeth Ryann said...

I think Matt the Cat stole them from the neighborhood kitchen cabinets, threaded them through his favorite string, and plans to use them this Christmas to decorate a tree of enticement for small woodland animals. Then Santa Killjoy, AKA Pythagoras, stumbled upon his sinister plan and confiscated his homemade lure that he's been working on for forever. So mean. That is not in the spirit of Christmas, Pythagoras.

In the meantime, Santa Killjoy stashed his ill-gotten gains by his toolbox, so that he can later see if he can detect any clues as to which duster belongs to which now-dirty neighborhood home. One of those dusters is worth $2.99, and you don't want any of your $0.99-duster neighbors lying and claiming it for their own. That would just make the next neighborhood watch meeting super uncomfortable, obviously.

Or maybe what Linda said. One or the other.

Sierra Godfrey said...

Obviously what you've done here is string together dusters to create a skirt--it will be a little see-through, but you were going for that. The feathers just add intrigue. This is a get-up you'll be wearing in order to enact one of your scenes that you're writing--you're a pro at enacting scenes to test for the realistic factor, after all.

However, we know that you FOUND this porno skirt rather than made it, so what I'm thinking is that Py came across your computer screen, which you'd left the saucy scene in question on, and decided to go and put together the props in the garage and surprise you.

Lynda Elkin said...

You've adopted a very shy and lonely emu. In an attempt to make her feel welcome and more at ease you each take turns donning this lovely skirt while feeding her whatever it is emus like to eat.

Kat said...

The World's Crappiest Wind Chimes.

Or, you know, maybe the best wind chimes, as they're completely silent.

T.M. Lunsford said...

While it might serve as a very fun Dancing With the Stars costume, I believe it is an obscenely prolific colony of feather dusters.

Robin said...

Pythagoras holds each end of the strings so that the dusters fan out and then he can clean underneath things that are normally out of his reach in a sweeping pattern. For instance, under the bed. He has control over where they go by tugging on one string or the other ~ sort of like a kite. It makes cleaning under large surfaces very easy. It would also work under the couch and other places where it is nearly impossible to vacuum. It's safe to say that you folks don't have dust bunnies living underneath your furniture. Pythagoras is very inventive.

The Sprouting Acorn said...

feather dusters? he's obviously tormenting the neighbor's chickens and this is the only way to hide his criminal behavior. :)

or maybe he's hoping if he ties that to the back end of you, you'll believe you're a chicken and eventually lay an egg?

Harley May said...

They are his fluffers.

Laura Fenske said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laura Fenske said...

I also believe that it is a duster. The need for so many is what impresses me the most. And, that shirt cracks me up.

Nicole Zoltack said...

It's a feather duster skirt. They're all the rage now.... you can sit and clean your house at the same time! Works best when you blare 80's music and dance.

Deborah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matthew AT Banning said...

I believe he just found a way to assist in the "Bleaching of your Retinas" after those forest path walks with said Neighbours!!

see;

http://tawnafenske.blogspot.com/2010/08/big-hairy-butt-of-romance.html

:D :) :D :P

Deborah said...

You know how kids put cards in their bicycle spokes? Like that. Only flurrier. Either that, or Py's friends have an awful sense of humor and that's left over from your wedding day when they attached it to the bumper to drag--no. Wait. Pythagoras pulls those behind his bike to clean...the garage? Gutter? Impersonate a Road Runner? Gah. The possibilities are endless. *g*

Laina said...

Feather duster skirt, it's the new rage in hula dancers. Or Pythagoras is cross dressin' :P

Heather M. Gardner said...

He is trying out for the part of the NBC peacock?

adam.purple said...

It's that thing of like when you're tired of dropping the Q-tips? And you need to color code them because the multi-colored ones dig in deeper? That.

urthalun.com said...

Because I was tardy for yesterday's post: not only can I pronounce Willamette, but I live in the valley of the same name (so I don't really need the shirt). Yes Tawna fans, I am (nearly) her neighbor. (But she comes to town and never calls.... sigh.)
I like Kat's answer best "world's crappiest wind chimes."
Julie
(also in Orygun)

PK Hrezo said...

It has to be for when his Secret Feather Duster Fetish group meets while you're away. Duh!
Unless, he uses it for carwashing.... I guess that's a possibility.

Squeaky said...

I have it! Pythagoras is secretly a HUGE Ken Dodd fan, and you've stumbled upon his collection of memorabilia! I know you probably have no idea who i'm talking about, so here's a helpful video: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x46i8p_ken-dodd-medley_fun . You can see his trademark "Tickling Sticks" on the stage to his right. They're a part of his act, in which he waves them about gaily and shouts "Oh, how tickled i am!". ("Tickled" = happy. "Tickled pink" = very happy.) You're welcome.

kristina said...

Very fetching skirt o' dusters you got yourself there missy. My immediate thought was, holy crap Pythagoras has a big tool box. But then I figured that was just my middle school sense of humor getting in the way again. Seriously, this @#$%^ thing was on top of his tool box? I can't let my husband know because he'll be so jealous.

Honestly, I figure Mister Clean Fiend strings those across the garage so when he drives under them, the dust (snow, debris, etc) is removed from the top of the vehicle.

But since you originally found "it" on the bedroom floor, I really must blush a bit. One duster (and there are two types as well, hmm) for a marital device I *might* understand, but a whole slew of them? Mind boggling.

Simon C. Larter said...

I'm guessing hair plugs for a really damn big clown. Aaannnd now I've managed to freak myself out....

Melanie Sherman said...

Well, you are holding it upside down. If you hold it upright, it is the 21st century version of the NBC TV Colored Peacock Logo.

(Simon made me lose my train of thought.)

Jen J. Danna said...

I'm going to have to vote for this being Pythagoras' costume to match your naughty librarian outfit (as modeled over at the Debutante Ball...). So, I'll go with this being his version of a cross between a French maid (hence the feather dusters) and a Hawaiian dancer with a grass skirt? Thus a grass skirt comprised of feather dusters??

wrym-n-reason said...

Improvised Gerbil Extractor

Crystal said...

There's got to be like 35 feather dusters on that string!

O_o

Maybe he was trying to make an automatic bike wash, and it didn't work out.

barbara battaglia said...

he is a dustbuster for halloween,now you ruined it!

Jan Markley said...

It's a feather duster skirt for your debutante ball - what else!?

My cat would love that btw.

Adriana said...

Every time you say something naughty on Twitter, Pythagoras buys a feather duster, in an attempt to restore the balance between dirty and clean in the universe. What you're holding is about a day's worth of tweets... At the end of the week (or when there's no moor room on the string -- whichever is sooner), he ties the string of dusters to his bike and drives them off to a local B&B and donates them to the maids. ad

Melanie Sherman said...

Who ya gonna call? Dustbusters.

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