For a couple months now, there’s been an elephant in the room.
Twitter pals and blog followers have sent notes asking about it.
You haven’t mentioned Pythagoras for awhile. Is everything OK?
You’re traveling alone a lot…is something going on?
I’ve avoided talking about this because I wasn’t ready to and because I truly hoped things would turn out differently.
But it looks like that’s not going to happen. And I guess it’s time to share that my marriage of 13+ years has ended.
It sucks a lot to type that, and a lot more to acknowledge it. If you’d told me a year ago that this is where I’d be right now, I would have laughed so hard Chianti would have spewed from my nose.
I’m not laughing now, and honestly, it’s been tough trying to be funny lately.
But continuing to write – and to keep laughing in spite of everything – has also been therapeutic. Having you guys here every day to cheer me on and build me up and tell me I’ve made you laugh has kept me going on the days I just wanted to lie in bed spooning with the dog and drinking wine through a straw.
I’m not going to dwell on this, and I’m not going to answer questions about it. I also ask that you not resort to Pythagoras bashing in the comments. While I won’t pretend this is a mutual decision, I also won’t pretend there aren’t two sides to every story and that he doesn’t have legitimate gripes with me.
One of the most crucial lessons I learned through my bumpy path to publication is that things don’t always go the way you hope they will. That’s certainly true now, but it’s also true that we have to make the best of lousy situations and keep moving forward.
So that’s what I’m doing.
I thank you all for your support, and I promise I’ll be back to telling crude jokes again in no time.
Did you hear the one about the banana and the goat?
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
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110 comments :
I am SO sorry.
I am truly sorry. I wish the very best for you and thank you for helping me realize why writing is important.
That really and truly sucks. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. But know we love you and wish you the best!
Oh Tawna, I'm so sorry. As someone who's been married for 18 years and knows the ups and downs of a long term relationship, I know that marriage is hard. Sometimes so hard that we wonder why we do it. But it sounds like you've got your head screwed on right and are more than ready to take on life's challenges. Let us know if we can help in any way. We love you!
I'm so, so sorry.
Whatever you need, we're here.
I'm sorry. Your wittiness and good cheer have covered up what must have been some seriously hard crap. You're awesome beyond awesome, and have been an inspiration as a writer and a funny, cool person. Thank you for sharing. Love and all good thoughts going out to you.
You know, I've only been following you since November. Your wit, charm, and personality come through your posts and make me feel like I actually "know" you.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. But there is one thing I have learned about you---you are a strong woman surrounded by many people who care about you.
Lean on those people and hang in there.
This is awful news, and all our best wishes are with you. You know where we are if you need anything at all.
That's such a tough situation to be in, regardless of the circumstances. I hope you're doing okay and (((hugs)))
*Hugs*
And I'm looking forward to hearing more about the banana and the goat. Later, when you feel like it. :)
The banana and the goat? OMG, I must know. I hope it's dirty.
And chin up. Some of the best things that happened to me felt like total asswank at the time.
Saying I'm so sorry seems so inadequate. *Hugs*
I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Your posts always cheer me up and I wish there was something I could do in return to make you feel less lousy. It sucks that something like this happened just when you should be feeling all giddy about your books coming out.
But you're such an optimist I'm sure you'll manage to come through smiling. (((Hugs)))
I'm so sorry! *hugs*
Oh, no. I'm so very sorry to hear this. Regardless of fault, blame, his side, your side, none of it matters except that it hurts and I'm mostly sorry for that.
Sending hugs and virtual wine.
i'm sending over my biggest hug along with my biggest glass of wine. and by glass, i mean bottle.
*hugs*
Ahh man! I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm with Linda can't wait for the goat and the banana peel punch line when you have time. And don't forget we're here for you!
I'm so sorry to hear this,Tawna. I wish we were closer so we could drink way too much wine and share. And braid hair and have underwear clad pillow fights.
Hugs, girl.
*hugs* I'm sorry Tawna. It's never easy but I admire your attitude and the fact that you won't talk ill of P when it might be easy.
My mom spent the weekend with me and I've watched her go through four marriages and four divorces. It's hard on everyone, but she is a great example to me of persevering in her search for happiness and the ability to move on.
Here's to wishing your better days come sooner than later.
Love you, Tawna. You are brave and beautiful.
I'm so sorry, Tawna. Sadly, you know I can totally relate. I'm here for you anytime you need to vent, cry, laugh, or share a virtual bottle of wine. You've got my number.
The line that helped me a lot is, "When you're going through hell, keep going." This helped even on days when getting out of bed seemed harder than climbing Mt. Everest.
Again, I'm here for you, my friend. We really are all in this crazy thing called, "life" together.
Tawna, you are amazing. I'm so proud to know you and work with you.
I am so sorry to hear this... *HUGS*
I wish I could click "Like" to all of the above comments. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether the light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train or sunshine. You have a great support base, and even those of us who only "virtually" know you appreciate your wit and candor.
I hate to read about this, Tawna. Keep writing and using your sense of humor. It'll pull you through. Hugs.
I'm so sorry, Tawna. No matter the reason or the details, it still plain sucks to go through it.
I'm truly a fan of yours and I know you'll pull through. We all love you,
:(
*hugs*
So very sorry, dear - {hugs}
You are amazing. Even today you made me smile. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I hope everything works out for the best.
And you do know you're going to have to tell us about the goat and the banana now, right? You can't just leave that hanging there.
Thanks so much for all the kind words and support, guys! It really means a lot to me. Posting this publicly has given me a small sense of closure I desperately needed, and your kind comments help take the sting out. Thank you for being here.
Tawna
Here's another inadequate sorry. :( Sounds like it's time to make YOU laugh. Now, if only I knew jokes...
Sorry, haven't had my coffee yet, had a twitchy posting finger.
I'm so sorry Tawna.
It feels like none of our business, but I commend you for having the courage to tell us anyway.
On the bright side, you're beautiful, brilliant, hilarious, and have an incredible career ahead of you.
Not that that probably helps right now.
I know the blog is just one piece of you. But, for what it is worth that piece represents you as a beautiful and strong woman managing life well. I wish you the best.
Sending you a virtual hug, Tawna. So sorry that you have to go through this.
I am so sorry, Tawna. :( Here's many hugs and wine.
Also, a few jokes:
Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath with bubbles.
Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is the next door neighbor.
:)
Tawna,
I've been in your shoes and my heart goes out to you. Truth is...things will get better. For me and many others, they get worse first. But dark and stormy days help us appreciate the sunny ones.
You did not solicit any advice, but I'll lend some anyway... one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. While it sounds cliche it does get you through the bumpy parts.
From your blog I surmise you're an intelligent and strong woman. You'll come out on top *that was just for you*!
Crap.
I only found you a couple months ago, but you've already become my go-to blog when I'm feeling like this writing thing is never going to work out. You've inspired me with your wit and your enthusiasm, and now I wish there was something I could do for you. But all I can really do from 2000 miles away is say: Take care of yourself.
Do what you need to do to stay healthy physically, emotionally, legally, and financially. I've seen too many of my friends get totally screwed in this process,and I would hate for that to happen to you. If you haven't done so already, find someone to bounce all the decisions you're going to have to make off of. Someone who will tell you the truth if you're making a mistake because you're not thinking clearly because you're mourning this loss.
Then, on the bad days, when you are sure things can't get any worse, do what I do: Tell yourself "well, at least some day this will make one hell of a story."
Praying you through this!
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make things easier -- but time is the only thing that can ease the pain. I'm thinking good thoughts for you.
We all love your funny posts, of course, but don't let us readers become an obligation right now. Take care of YOU first. We won't be going anywhere.
That sucks.
{{hugs}}
*hug*
You are one of the strongest people I know through blogging. So I know you'll feel better eventually. In the meantime just find something to smile about even if you can't laugh. It will get better.
You have so much support here waiting if you need it.
((((((BIG HUGS)))))))
Oh dear. I'm so sorry. There's nothing much that I can say that would improve on what the others have said, but I figured I'd add my voice to the chorus.
If it's any consolation, your sense of humor has been unwavering, even in this post. So you got that going for you...which is nice.
Hang in there, it can only get better.
- Liz
Did you say he has legitimate grapes with you??
P.S. Xavier sends his love.
I'm so sorry. You are welcome to some of my epidural when I get it, if you want.
You're very brave to mention this on your blog. But as you can see, we all love you so much.
Love you, Tawanananana. Wishing I could do more. xoxo
I am so sorry. I'm glad you have your friends and family, and this blog community to help you whenever you need it. You are strong and brave. You're going to be ok.
I'm so sorry, as others have mentioned, just doesn't seem adequate. That and virtual hugs/wine/chocolate are all I have, though. Oh, and FGBVs.
I hope that you find plenty of things to laugh about despite the pain, and I'm glad that you have critters to cuddle. *hugs*
You've done such an awesome job of showing us the real Tawna that we all feel like we know you. We've laughed with you and rejoiced with you, and now we ache for you. By telling us this, you treat us as friends, and you know what they say about friends, dontcha? They double our joys and halve our sorrows. I hope sharing with us has helped ease some of your burden. I'm so sorry. Hang in there, kiddo, and keep finding the humor in life. It's always there if we look hard enough. Hugs.
So sorry to hear. :( I am sending all the virtual love and support that I can. I hope that you'll let us know if you need anything at all.
Oh, Tawna. I am so sorry to hear this. I am wrapping my arms around you (and the dog you're spooning). <3
*hugs*
And, I agree with Linda G. You'll have to tell us more about the goat and banana when you feel up to it.
I'm so sorry... and I wish I had something to add that felt less inadequate. :(
When you need to meep, head over to Lucy's... we'll be waiting for you. :x
I'm so sorry. My 19 year marriage ended a few years ago, so I have some idea of what you may be going through.
It was important for me to remember that even though the marriage ended, the marriage hand't failed.
My heart goes out to both of you.
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope that you keep going strong until going strong takes no extraordinary effort and you can look back and see and remember only good things.
I wish I could be there to replenish your drinks and to make sure the straws you're using are at least the awesome twirly ones. I am so sorry. I am sending you the biggest hug right now and I'll keep sending them your way when you need them!
Sending so much love your way, and so many hugs. I'm sorry things didn't work out, but you have all your friends and followers behind you. You're a wonderful person, and deserve the best life can give. Take whatever time you need to cope; we'll all still be here rooting for you. (And making crude jokes on Twitter.)
<3,
-Adri
Big hugs, Tawna! I've been there, but everybody's story is different and unique. Sending you strength and hope.
So, so, so, sorry to learn this Tawna.
((((((HUGS))))))
Deb
So sorry. Sending you the best vibes I have!
I'm very sorry to hear the news, Tawna. I wish you all the best.
But please don't tell the joke about the banana and the goat. It's baaaaaaaaad.
I'm really sorry to that, Tawna. And I know this is probably a stupid question, but what about a trial separation instead of a full blown divorce? You guys sounded like you had such a great, (really great, like I'm jealous great) relationship. It just seems so final when you say divorce. Isn't there anything you can do?
You're attitude is truly inspiring. I think all of your blog readers can learn a lot from you. I'm sorry that things aren't working between you and P, and can only hope that things in your life get better, because you deserve all the awesomeness one life can contain.
Big, big hugs, Tawna. You have given so much through your blog--I wish there were some way we could give back. You have my deepest sympathies and all positive energies I can send your way as you work your way through this sad situation.
Oh no!
You're a very strong woman and I look up to you greatly.
Keep your head up!
You're too gorgeous to have it in any other direction.
Much love to you. I'm so sorry. 13 1/2 years is a long time. Take care of yourself.
Hugs from a longtime reader. If you find yourself in the Pearl and need a drink, let me know. :)
I've read ALL the comments, dearest and you really are loved and supported. By me, by everyone. Love you.
Tawna - I've been following your blog for a while now and your daily posts have become a highlight of my day. I wish there was something I could say or do to repay the favor, especially during such a difficult time. I just want you to know how sorry I am for what you're going through and to hang in there because it will get better.
My thoughts go out to you right now. Hope everything's OK, and that you're coping.
Well, damn. That sucks boulders through a cocktail straw. I am very sorry. If you need a place to escape to, you're always welcome in Issaquah. Light and love to you and to your situation. May everything be resolved in the best way possible for everyone involved.
Wow. I'm so sorry. I'd cheer you up with a joke but the only ones I know are from my 6-yo and involve ducks and goats. Keep your head up (and your glass full)!
Hang in there! Do what you need to do, funny or not - don't worry about us! We'll still be here :)
I am so sorry to hear about this! I discovered your blog a few months ago, and ever since it has definitely been a bright point to look forward to everyday! I am so glad that you have been able to find your own bright, laughable moments even with this; you are so strong! I wish you the best of luck moving forward!
Now, enough about the banana and the goat - how about the apple and the ostrich?!
Well, fiddle sticks! Just keep on truckin' and shuckin'.
Been there. (20 yrs)
Done that.
It does get better. I promise. (though I didn't believe the well-intentioned folks who tried to tell me that at the time.)
Take time for YOU. Love and heal yourself. Know lots of people are pulling for you.
My heart aches for you.
Kay
PS 13 years later I'm married to the man or my dreams. It can happen.
You guys, I can't tell you how much all your comments have meant to me today. I've dreaded writing this post for a long time, but you've completely overwhelmed me with your kindness and compassion. Truly, I don't know how I'd do this without you. Thanks.
Tawna
Oh, Tawna. So sorry to hear this! It sucks when things end before we're ready for them to end. But you are young, smart, gorgeous, strong, funny, driven, and all kinds of other awesome things, and you're going to get through this, and continue making your way to the great things that are waiting for you!
In the meantime, I'm sending lots of hugs!
That well and truly sucks. So sorry to hear that and wish you all the best for the future.
Oh, Tawna, I am so sorry. There's nothing I can say that everyone else hasn't already. Just know my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Tawna, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could say that would make a difference, but in this instance words are just not enough. I wish I was close enough to just give you a hug.
Wish I could think of something original to say, but everyone's beat me to it. I'm sorry life has thrown this pain in your path. I'm glad you have so many people reaching out to you. And when you get to Nationals, the first drink is on me.
I don't know how I missed this post today. I'm so sorry that you're sad. I know how much your friendship has meant to me and I wish I could do something to make you feel as wonderful as you've made me feel when I joined the wolf pack. It is an amazing thing-to make people feel warm and welcome. You have a big heart. Know that if I could make you feel better, I most certainly would. (((((hugs)))))
I realize that knowing someone online is different from knowing them in real life, but my first thought when reading this was, "But...it's Tawna! How can this be? She's so awesome to hang out with!"
So sorry you're going through this. I know there's nothing anyone can say to make the pain and suckiness disappear, but hopefully it helps a little to read the words of encouragement from some of the people who look forward to reading your words every day.
Oh, Tawna! I'm so so sorry.
Sending lots of big cyber hugs. Go ahead and cop a feel if it'll make you feel better.
(Seriously, though, sending lots of thoughts and prayers.)
Tawna, I'm so sorry. You are a beautiful, intelligent, and very funny woman and I know you will find your way during this difficult year.
(((HUGS))) I'm not sure what I can say that hasn't already been said, but you are truly loved by everyone here. Whatever the reasons for big life changes like this, it always sucks going through them (my husband of 21 years died two years ago).
As well as you can know anyone through their writing, I know you're a strong woman with a brilliant sense of humor and you will make it out of this with even more strength.
Next time you're in the Portland area, I'd be honored to meet you somewhere for a chocolate tasting (since I know nothing about wines).
Oh that sucks giant flaming donkey peen, and not in a cool touristy interspecies kind of way! I am so sorry you guys are going through this.
Kudos for being brave enough to blog about it - I wasn't until a long time afterward. None of it is easy, but you are brave and you will be fine and better than fine.
Hugs, wine, chocolate and radioactive FGBVs!!!
I'm so sorry to hear this.
*hugs*
Holy crap! I just read this post. I'm so sorry to hear about you and Pythagoras. Many hugs from Cyberville.
I'm pouring out my wine in honor of you. (Just kidding. I would never pour out wine.)
Hey Tawna, we haven't really spoken - I'm one of your (many) stalkers. I realize I'm late to this party and like many of them, I haven't 'known' you long but you are one of the few blogs I follow regularly.
I don't write romance and I fail utterly at writing comedy (it's what I depend on you and the other cool people in my life for) but I find I can relate to your posts no matter what they are about (the gristle in the purse comes to mind). I envy your sharp tongue, the fact that you have a book deal and such an amazing online community to help get you through this - and I'm glad to be a part of it.
I may be young but I know about divorces, seperations and familial deaths - I've been around enough of them. They are always hard but I'll tell you now that with these people and the way your head is screwed on, you've got more going for you than I ever have in those situations. I'll pray for you, the sun WILL come out tomorrow :)
PS - sorry for the late post, Amber
Hey Tawna, we haven't really spoken - I'm one of your (many) stalkers. I realize I'm late to this party and like many of them, I haven't 'known' you long but you are one of the few blogs I follow regularly.
I don't write romance and I fail utterly at writing comedy (it's what I depend on you and the other cool people in my life for) but I find I can relate to your posts no matter what they are about (the gristle in the purse comes to mind). I envy your sharp tongue, the fact that you have a book deal and such an amazing online community to help get you through this - and I'm glad to be a part of it.
I may be young but I know about divorces, seperations and familial deaths - I've been around enough of them. They are always hard but I'll tell you now that with these people and the way your head is screwed on, you've got more going for you than I ever have in those situations. I'll pray for you, the sun WILL come out tomorrow :)
PS - sorry for the late post, Amber
Hey Tawna, we haven't really spoken - I'm one of your (many) stalkers. I realize I'm late to this party and like many of them, I haven't 'known' you long but you are one of the few blogs I follow regularly.
I don't write romance and I fail utterly at writing comedy (it's what I depend on you and the other cool people in my life for) but I find I can relate to your posts no matter what they are about (the gristle in the purse comes to mind). I envy your sharp tongue, the fact that you have a book deal and such an amazing online community to help get you through this - and I'm glad to be a part of it.
I may be young but I know about divorces, seperations and familial deaths - I've been around enough of them. They are always hard but I'll tell you now that with these people and the way your head is screwed on, you've got more going for you than I ever have in those situations. I'll pray for you, the sun WILL come out tomorrow :)
PS - sorry for the late post, Amber
Hey Tawna, we haven't really spoken - I'm one of your (many) stalkers. I realize I'm late to this party and like many of them, I haven't 'known' you long but you are one of the few blogs I follow regularly.
I don't write romance and I fail utterly at writing comedy (it's what I depend on you and the other cool people in my life for) but I find I can relate to your posts no matter what they are about (the gristle in the purse comes to mind). I envy your sharp tongue, the fact that you have a book deal and such an amazing online community to help get you through this - and I'm glad to be a part of it.
I may be young but I know about divorces, seperations and familial deaths - I've been around enough of them. They are always hard but I'll tell you now that with these people and the way your head is screwed on, you've got more going for you than I ever have in those situations. I'll pray for you, the sun WILL come out tomorrow :)
PS - sorry for the late post, Amber
and now I'm a spammer, apologies!~ Amber
I was busy Tuesday.
I offer you my pool to use. It's ok if you fart in it, too. Well, sort of. Wait. No.
Don't fart in my pool. And don't claim it was just a trapped air bubble.
I'm just now reading this and I feel so bad. I wish I could cheer you up the way your blog has so often done for me! You exude amazing-ness sweety...XOXO
Hugs!
I know everyone has already said the same, but I am so very sorry. You are a gem, I love your blog, and I hope you find some peace -- and humor -- in every day.
I know I'm a week late, but I wanted to say how sorry I am. You deserve to be happy. I hope you find the closure you need, and are able to find your happy again.
Many FGBVs and lots of love!!
I'm late to the news as well, but wanted to offer my condolences. I know you have plenty of ears & shoulders to cry on, but if you need one more, my inbox is always open.
Sending virtual wine & chocolates...
Oh, I'm so sorry.
But I'll bet it feels good to no longer have that secret.
Here's to a new life!
Hon, I'm so sorry. Just read this
hugs
I'm not a good blogger nor a good blog reader. I find it difficult to find the time to keep up with anyone's blog, so while yours is one of my favorites... You get my point. I'm just reading about this via your piercing post.
My heart hurts for you, and I'm sending really big, positive, warm thoughts your way. Also, I'm sending you hugs. You can't feel them, but they are there. I give REALLY good hugs, by the way.
And I have to commend you on how you handled this. You have a large following online. You're about to publish your first novel. I can't imagine a more mature, classy way of handling the situation. I'm in awe.
Warm thoughts, hopes, and wishes.
Crystal
Oh my god Tawna, my heart literally broke reading this. After following your blog for a year and laughing with you about your many marriage adventures, it's feels like I know both of you personally, and it always sucks to hear a friend going through something as painful as divorce. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Here's some stupid jokes I plucked off Google:
1)So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
Then, one of them yells "God Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies: "Holy !@#$, a talking muffin!
2)I went into the Shell gas station this morning and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
I read this post for the first time last week, and I continue to think of you - even though I don't know you - at the most random of times.
I'm heading into my 13th year of marriage and maybe that's why you've been on my mind. Sending virtual hugs and, yes, virtual clinks of the wine glass to you.
While I can't fully understand the pain you are going through, I can appreciate that it must be difficult - even more so combined with such an exciting time in your life.
If you ever need to talk to a complete internet stranger, you know strike up a random email correspondence-pen pal type of thing, don't hesitate. Linda Grimes and Cynthia Reese both approve of me (I think) so I can't be all bad.
;)
Here's to brighter days ahead,
Jessica
That'll teach me to neglect reading my favorite blogs for work and school. You're book release will be a smash and your fans love you! Injecting humor into any situation is not a trait a lot of people have, so I see you totally coming through this with support. Thank you for trusting us with the news.
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