Monday, October 10, 2011

First kisses, awkward kisses, and a free signed book!

Last week I was scrambling to come up with a blog post idea, so I put it out to Twitter. What should I blog about?

Kristina Martin of Ten Minute Missive jumped in with a terrific idea:

I actually misread it at first as “your first kiss,” but then realized it’s probably the same story anyway.

I was a bit on the naïve side when I started first grade. I was aware that boys and girls were different, which I demonstrated in kindergarten by standing in the restroom beside a male classmate while he peed and I sang Mr. Rogers’ “Everybody’s Fancy.”

But concepts like relationships and flirting were a little lost on me.

So when a fellow first-grader named Derek approached me on the playground, shuffled his feet in the bark chips, and asked, “wanna go with me?” I replied, “go where?”

Once he’d explained the concept of boyfriend and girlfriend, I agreed that sounded like a pretty good arrangement and he went off to play tetherball while I continued swinging on the monkey bars.

After school, my new boyfriend asked me to come over to his house. I have a dim recollection of my mother checking with young Derek’s parents and verifying in person that the house wasn’t a crack den.

Then we were left to solidify our new relationship by playing Candyland. We were having a fine time until his older sister appeared in the doorway and folded her arms over her chest.

“Is that your girlfriend?” she demanded of Derek.

He looked at me and shrugged. “I guess.”

“Have you been on a date?”

“What’s a date?” I asked.

“It’s where you eat something and drink something together.”

Derek and I looked at each other and realized we had not, in fact, been on a date. We were ashamed.

The sister sighed. “You need to go on a date if you’re boyfriend and girlfriend.”

So a neighbor kid was sent to fetch the necessities. He returned a few minutes later with half a Kit-Kat bar and two glass soda bottles filled with water. Derek and I completed our date under the close supervision of the older sister before returning to our game of Candyland.

But she wasn’t done with us. “Now you need to smooch.”

“What’s smooch?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes. “You have to choose,” she explained. “You either smooch, kiss, or make out.”

I was only familiar with one of those terms, and since kissing didn’t sound so bad, I looked to Derek for confirmation.

Derek frowned at his sister. “Now?”

“Yes, now,” she insisted. “Otherwise, you aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Can we go in the closet?” he asked. “I don’t want you watching.”

The sister agreed to afford us some privacy, so we slunk into the closet and closed the door behind us. I stood there someone’s wool coats brushing the top of my head as I listened to Derek breathing in the darkness.

“Do you want to smooch, kiss, or make out?” he asked.

“I only know what kissing is,” I admitted.

“Me too.”

And with that, he leaned forward, gave me the world’s fastest peck on the lips, threw open the closet door, and fled like he was being pursued by a pack of cootie-infected wolverines.

After that, we decided the boyfriend and girlfriend thing might be a little overrated. I don’t recall an actual breakup, but I do know we steadfastly avoided each other the next time a game of kissing tag broke out on the playground.

Got a good first kiss or awkward kiss story? Please share! And hey, let’s make this worth your while. Best story gets a signed copy of Making Waves.

Let’s hear it!

Oh, and for the record, I’m still not sure I understand the difference between kissing, smooching, and making out. Even so, I’m determined to practice as much as possible until I get it right.

26 comments :

Shakespeare said...

Great story, that.

I was also in first grade. Super shy. Wouldn't shake anybody's hand, etc. But I found a boy sitting miserably on a huge tire sandbox, crying on the playground at school.

"Why are you crying?"

"Nobody likes me."

To show him I did, I kissed him. He stopped crying, and we were friends. UNTIL I went home and told my mom. While she had a cow, screaming for most of the evening about how I shouldn't be going to public school, I resolved NEVER to kiss anybody again. I wondered until I was ten whether kissing was actually the same as "making babies."

The last time she had a cow about all of this I was 20... and dating my (now) husband. I think I'll just stick to the kissing. Let her have all the cows she wants!

Sarah W said...

I always thought smooching was, I don't know, louder?

Although I had plenty of boyfriends in kindergarten and first grade (I peaked early and hit a dry spell for a decade or two) my first kiss was in high school with my best friend's boyfriend's best friend. Screams 'set-up,' don't it?

I'd met the guy maybe twenty minutes earlier, and when the others were in the kitchen, he leaned over and kissed me. Twice. He went for a third, but I ducked.

It wasn't awkward so much as meh.

I remember going home and sitting in my room, thinking, "That was it? That's it? That's what all the fuss is about? Great."

Things did get better . . . but not with that particular boy.

And now I'm going to be singing 3Oh!3's "My First Kiss" all day . . . thanks.

lynnrush said...

This was a great story! I sure don't know the diff between those three either, but have fun with your...research. :)

Mine was with spin the bottle in....fourth grade maybe? Totally boring story, like most of mine. LOL

Happy MONDAY

Skye said...

I guess I was precocious. My first kiss was in kindergarden behind the blackboard. I think his name was Earl. He was my boyfriend all thru kindergarden.

Then the whole boy-girl thing became messy and I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17, but I did get some kisses when I was 16. Lately I've had such a long dry spell I no longer know the difference between smooch, kiss, and making out. But ya never know what life will bring!

Jessica Lemmon said...

"I always thought smooching was, I don't know, louder?". //hahahahahaa, Sarah!

As far as my first kiss... Hmm. I can't really recall. I did have an awkward kiss once, though. I was 16 and he was disgusting. The End.

Patrick Alan said...

How's this for a kiss at 3:46?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAMUcM6Albk


I'd like to be that smooth.

Patrick Alan said...

Well, maybe this one. You know. With a hug first.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYhXabSt9Xc&feature=related

Linda G. said...

First grade? Why, you little hussy. I didn't have my first kiss until I was in third grade. My best friend and I decided to see what the hoopla was all about, and kissed behind the station wagon in my driveway. (Don't get too excited, y'all. My best friend, John, was a boy.)

We came to the conclusion it was all a bunch of hooey, and went back to playing kickball.

Taymalin said...

Well, when I was in kindergarten I had my first boyfriend. He was a younger man, not yet in school. His sister babysat me, so I spent a lot of time in his house.

His sister, who was 14, decided that it would be great fun to marry us, so she dressed me up in her mother's wedding dress, and performed a very unconventional wedding ceremony.

When she told her brother to kiss the bride, we ran screaming to his room. We locked her out, sat on his bed and promptly gave kissing a try. I remember it being very silly, but not gross. Though we both said it was very gross when asked. After that we kissed whenever we were alone, which wasn't very often.

He was a very good husband. He even brought me flowers (apple blossoms).

When his sister married my brother (for real, not pretend) our families teased us mercilessly about being married. Especially since he brought his girlfriend as his date to the wedding, the cheater.

Gracielou said...

I am ashamed to be with all you girls that kept your kissing innocents so long. My first kiss was in preschool. From a kid name Daniel who was in a different class then I was but would sit by the door and wait till I came out. It was love tho even after our weird fat lip smooch on the playground that the teacher told our parents. Daniel even went to my mom one day she picked me up and introduced himself as my boyfriend. And for my 4th birthday he broke his arm but wouldn't let his mom take him home until he came by my party to see me. His mom and mine still talk. Apparently that young its considered 'cute'. I don't talk to Daniel anymore tho.

ashelynn hetland said...

When I was in elementary school we always used to get married behind the trees.

totally legit.

Dylan, "We're getting married next recess."

"Okay."

Next recess my cousin pronounced us married and said we had to kiss. We leaned forward, touched lips, and ran away.

The next recess and last of the day we got divorced.

third grade was awesome.

Anne N Kenny said...

My first kiss was with a boy who is now 100% into other boys. So there's that... ;)

farfromgruntled said...

My first kiss was when I was sixteen (I was a slow bloomer). I was living in Mexico for the summer and I really, really liked this cute Mexican boy but my Spanish was terrible. When I first got there, he would talk and I would just listen to the way it sounded (it sounded cute!). I could pick out maybe one of every ten words. By the end of the summer my Spanish was much better and my last day in the country we climb the pyramids of Teotihuacan together and before the night was over he kissed me under a tall clock tower in the center of town.

It was everything a first kiss should be. Romantic, awkward (I just sort of moved my lips back and forth and hoped that was doing something for him . . .), and I never saw the boy again. He brought me flowers to the airport and I had to throw them away in customs once he was out of sight. No cross border plants, apparently.

Nicole Zoltack said...

My first kiss was when I was 18. It was during Christmas break. My first real boyfriend drove through a a snowstorm to surprise me with a visit. (My mom wasn't the happiest about it considering that he just showed up.) Anyhow, he kissed me goodbye on my parent's back porch, I ended up marrying him. We have 2 sons (and another one the way) and I plan on teaching them to call before visiting someone and not just showing up!

LunaCat said...

I came home one day in Grade One and proudly told my very German Protestant mother I had a new boyfriend.

"What's his name?" she asked.

"Joshua Goldstein," I replied.

I was in my teens before I understood why she found that funny.

Julie Glover said...

Most awkward must be in my freshman year of high school. He went in for a French kiss, and I went in for a peck. Alas, train wreck of the lips.

Thankfully, kissing is one of those things that you can definitely improve with practice!

jill said...

Put me in the 'late bloomer' category! We were eighteen and had met at a freshman mixer dance before college classes started. There were dances three nights in a row, and by the third night we went for a walk outside and he kissed me.

I'm ashamed to admit I don't remember many of the particulars, but we were happily married for 21 years until he passed away, so the kiss must have been a pretty good one. (I think it was his first kiss as well!)

As soon as I figure out how this whole dating thing works, I'll be looking forward to more first kisses, even the awkward ones.

Bethany Elizabeth said...

My first kiss was way more impressive than my second (which also happened to be my most awkward).
My family was friends with this other family who went to our church. They had a sister my oldest brother's age, another sister closer to my other brother's age, and a son my age. (Oldest brother and the younger sister started dating eight years later after our families had lost contact and they'd met again at school, but that's another story).
Anyway, family-friend-son and me suddenly decided we were going to fall in love. We planned it out in whispers over our sunday school crafts. Something like this.
He cuts out a picture like it's personally offensive to his soul. "Do you want to fall in love?"
I, dressed in my frilly white sunday school dress and curled bangs, clicked my shoes together and giggled. "Yeah, okay."
"Here's what we do," he whispered, and together we plotted out how to convince our families to let us run away together.
During songs in sunday school (gestures and all) he pecked me on the cheek, and I giggled so much the teacher put us on opposite sides of the circle. I'd never gotten in such trouble before, but what did I care? I was in love. We spent the rest of sunday school blowing kisses.
After church, our family went over to his house, and the kids all got together to watch Lion King. My boy and I snuck to the back of the room when no one was looking and started playing with their plastic mcdonald's toy set. Then, right in the middle of taking my order, he kissed me - this time on the lips.
"Awwww!"
My older brothers and his older sisters were all piled on the couch we were hiding behind, looking at us like a family of couch-ferrets and laughing. Well, my brothers were laughing. The sisters thought it was sweet.
But, bless them all, our parents never found out. :)

Tada! My first kiss.

Laurie Lamb said...

The cute new boy from school was also my new neighbour. I was getting to know him behind my house. We were sitting cross-legged and blowing on blades of grass between our thumbs. It was an intense contest to see who could make the most disgusting noise.

Then he suggested we kiss.

He leaned in and barely brushed my lips when we both started laughing. HARD. A generous dribble of spit stretched out of the corner of his mouth until it reached the ground. The wind bent the spit and it touched his arm. That was when he noticed it. I was silent as he wiped it away.

He gripped my shoulders and stared at me for a long time. His expression was so intense. I forgot all about the spit and thought he was going to really kiss me this time.

“Don’t ever tell anyone I drool,” he said.

Kristina said...

Aw, awkward kisses. I have so many.

Do I pick my first which was more of an attempt as Danny R., big kindergartner that he was, avowed he would marry me someday and then attempted to kiss me while ropes of greenish snot covered his upper lip?

Or perhaps when I was Sleeping Beauty and just before the Prince could bestow a pucker upon my rose-red lips a bird came by and unloaded a veritable sh*t-storm upon my forehead?

And then there was eighth grade when my "boyfriend" finally got up the courage to kiss me, but my courage left me. Never turn and present your cheek to a young man unless you want to permanently scar the poor thing.

I had more than my fair share of nose mis-alignments, teeth knocking, and halitosis kisses during my earliest attempts at the whole kissing thing.

Of course, there were some complete toe-curlers as well. Some of which in far-flung and exotic locals. But I'll keep them to myself. After all, that would come under the "kiss and tell" category and on that subject at least, my lips are sealed.

Big hugs and kisses to you my dear! :)

Angela Perry said...

Ooh, I have one for the most awkward kiss category.

I was dating this guy in high school. I thought we were still at the mostly friends stage. I was friends with his brother and sister and mom, and we hung out more than actually "dated."

Then one day, he leaned over, stuck his lips on mine, and proceeded to go to town. I froze. My mind was totally blank. After a few seconds, he pulled back, reached out, and used his fingers to smush my lips into a kissy-face.

"You have to pucker more," he said.

Needless to say, I was less than thrilled with that insinuation, and we didn't kiss much for a while.

kimmullican.com said...

Oh yes! I was 16 and first serious boyfriend... until he kissed me. His idea of a french kiss was to ram his abnormally long tongue down my throat. I started gagging and puked all over the floor of his Cadillac.

Needless to say, we didn't kiss much less anything else as him cleaning my vomit out of his carpet was enough to end our little love affair.

Most awkward and grossest kiss ever!

Tawna Fenske said...

You guys are cracking me up with these stories! I'll refrain from commenting individually, since I haven't decided yet how to pick the winner and don't want to taint the judging. Keep 'em coming, guys! And thanks for sharing :)

Tawna

Taryn said...

First kiss: I had a makeout buddy in...oh, like 1st and 2nd grade? He was my babysitter's grandson, and he was exactly one year older than me. We kissed all the time, and I thought our parents didn't know. Looking back, I'm pretty sure they did. But they still haven't said anything. Then he broke up with me for a girl his age. Ouch.

First real kiss: Then I became a late bloomer (read: picky) and didn't kiss anyone until age 17. I remember sitting in the movie theater and when he kissed me, I very clearly thought "This is it? THIS is what the fuss is about?" It got better, eventually.

Christi Corbett said...

My first foray into the world of kissing was fifth grade.

My and my guy (who'd just "asked me out" that morning) joined the ranks of the other "maker-outers" on the back field behind the soccer goal post. We shared our first kiss, and then promptly heard the sharp whistle of the recess lady, followed by the bellowing command for all of us to "knock it off and get over here!"

This is where I mention that the recess lady was MY MOM!

Totally busted.

For punishment at school, me and the guy and all the others caught had to stay in the next two recess times and copy dictionary pages. (A rather effective punishment, but I like to think it was the beginning of my super advanced vocabulary).

So yeah, my first kiss was witnessed by a crowd of others, we all got caught by my mom, and the punishment sucked. No wonder my first real french kiss was years later behind the gym :).

Christi Corbett

Missy Olive said...

I remember my first kiss. I'm not counting when I first planted one on a crush in kidergarden!

I was in 6th grade and he was in 5th. We planned it. It was a school function and we went outside. We found a quiet, dark place. And we did it. Except we missed. He said, "I missed". Then we tried it again. We missed again. On the third time, we tried it again. The third time was a charm.

When my 6th grade teacher signed my report card, a ritual for graduating 6th graders, my mom wanted to know what it meant. So, many months after the fact, I got in trouble for kissing a boy!

The funny thing about this story 30 years later, B and I are friends on facebook!