Alcohol may have been a factor

I should probably start this post with public service announcement about the dangers of excess drinking and how you should never consume alcohol and drive an automobile or operate heavy machinery or perform major surgery or take your clothes off with strangers (unless, of course, the strangers are really hot).

Now that we have that out of the way, I will confess that I have a bad habit. I enjoy the occasional cocktail or craft beer or glass or twelve of wine.

That's not actually the bad habit. The bad habit is that these alcoholic beverages fill me with the intense desire to shop. At the time these shopping endeavors occur, I sincerely believe I need whatever it is I'm purchasing. It's not until later – sometimes weeks later when an unexpected package arrives on my doorstep – that I find myself wondering why I urgently needed three pounds of nutmeg.

Or a pair of shoes one size too small.

Or lesbian porn on VHS.

Or a painting that cost four times its price to ship from Australia.

Or 16 pairs of underwear.

The latter earned me merciless teasing from a friend who has no room to talk. She once ordered 60 Durex Play Vibrations by mistake from Amazon. Guess what we all got for Christmas that year?

So two days ago, I got a text message from a friend's husband.

You owe me $25 for the guitar. Let me know if you want a soft case for an extra $10.

I stared at the message for a minute, expecting a follow-up apologizing for sending it to the wrong person.

Then, a hazy memory crept in. It involved a particularly strong round of bloody marys and a friend of a friend who works for a guitar factory. I texted back uncertainly.

I bought a guitar?

Indeed, I had. And since said guitar is considered a factory second, I'm not allowed to sell it.

I should note here that I don't play guitar. I don't play any instrument or possess even an ounce of musical talent.

My friend's husband texted back.

At least it's not 16 pairs of underwear.

Good point. Lucky for me, my gentleman friend does play guitar, and was delighted with the new purchase. Of course, it's possible he would have preferred the underwear.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever purchased by mistake? It doesn't have to be a drunk purchase, though it might make me feel better if you can assure me I'm not the only person who does this. Please?