Monday, September 12, 2011

You dirty little beach

Burying my toes in the sand.
This past weekend marked my last scheduled book signing or speaking engagement until mid-October, and I capped it off with a day trip to the Oregon coast.

A day at the beach with family and friends should be innocent enough.

In theory.

But here are a few of the filthy phrases that had me rolling in the sand with laughter yesterday...

On ocean tides:
Wow, it's really coming in hard.

On building sand castles:
If you get it wet, you can pack it a lot harder.

On digging a fire pit:
That's a nice hole. Can you make it a little deeper?

On building a bonfire:
I need a couple really big logs.

On keeping the fire going:
It's hot enough, so go ahead and stick it in.

On kite flying:
Do you need a little help getting it up?

On packing up the beach blanket:
Don't shake too hard or you'll get it all over everything.

On the importance of resealing the picnic Tupperware:
Well of course you'll get sand in it if you leave it wide open on the beach.

So how was your weekend? Any filthy innuendos to offer up, beach-related or otherwise? Please share!


Linda G. said...

Snort! Only you, Tawna. Thanks for my Monday morning laugh. :D

Nena Clements said...

Just spent the weekend at the beach myself.
About those waves.... they just keep coming and coming.

Jen Stayrook said...

This makes me think of the Corona commercial, "Find your beach." Seems harmless enough, but in each of the commercials the man finds a woman to drink beers with on the beach. COINCIDENCE? I think not.

Also: I love your dirty little mind.

Dawn Ius said...

My teenage stepdaughter would have picked up on ALL of those. I always thought I was on the ball, but she's reminding me that I need to hone those dirty-mind skills again. She would love this post. LOL

Matthew MacNish said...

Some of those you made up. Doesn't make them any less fun!

Denise Emanuel Clemen said...

A little innuendo never hurt anyone.
Thanks for the fun.


Linda, I live to make you snort :)

Nena, and lord knows I appreciate it!

Jen, I've never seen that, but it sounds like a perfect marketing campaign!

Dawn, feel free to forward it to her :)

Matthew, cross my heart and hope to die, I didn't make a single one of them up. I sat there on the beach taking notes on my iPhone and laughing my fool head off.

Denise, a little innuendo makes the world a better place!

Thanks for reading, guys!


Shannon said...

These are awesome! Thanks for sharing your dirty mind with us!

Patrick Alan said...

I've got a big 'innuendo' that makes the world a better place.

Sarah W said...

Friday evening, I wrote a scene where my MC is attacked in a Home Depot-esque store by a couple of thugs.

He kicks one of them into a display and the thug picks up a closet rod to use as a makeshift bō staff. The MC does likewise and they fight, etc.

As you've no doubt suspected, when I read through it Saturday, every other phrase was an innuendo, starting with "The man came up wielding a closet rod,' which wasn't even the worst of it.

The whole scene was so impossible I had to laugh and my husband was moved to tears.

Danielle said...

I was at a family gathering this weekend, and there were so many possibly-dirty things that my mother would shoot my for repeating...

More importantly, I bought Making Waves as an ebook to read on my flights this weekend, and I DEVOURED it. Holy crap! I read a lot of books, but it actually isn't often that I'll find one that I recommend to so many people (and I only finished yesterday!).

I can't wait for next year, so I can read more! Until then, though, I'll be hanging around here, laughing my butt off at you. In a good way.

(And if you want to read my brief review, you can find it here: A Weekend Full of Books)

Kelly said...

I don't think anyone's mentioned it - but nice toenail polish!

Lisa Potts said...

Squee! I love the toenails.

I haven't been to the beach, but this week my daughter's softball coach asked his assistant if he left his balls in the car.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness. I don't think I'll ever sit on a beach and think of it the same way.

Loralie Hall said...

I was at the grocery store today and was totally reminded of this.

Deli guy: Do you like beef?

I have something for you to try.

Can I get you half a pound of beef?